May 8, 2008
Kids weren’t invited to my cousins wedding last weekend. They offered to have a babysitter look after the kids but I don’t know this person AT ALL and my kids have never stayed with a babysitter. I sure wasn’t going to let them stay with I-don’t-know-how-many-other-kids with a babysitter I dont’ know.
From the beginning I said that I was not going to stay too long. Tommie was at the guesthouse alone with the boys and I know that Zander doesn’t go to sleep easily if I’m not with him.
I greeted the family including the bride’s sister (who also has a daughter aged 3) . She wanted to know why we were leaving so early (it was 8:30 pm and the wedding started at 3:00 pm already). I explained to her that Zander doesn’t like going to sleep without me and would just be giving Tommie a hard time. “Oh you spoil them too much” she said.
I spoil them too much? I of course jumping on my high horse replied with “No I just love them”
I mean come on. My kids weren’t with me. I wanted to go back to them. I wanted to make sure Zander goes to sleep easily. I didn’t want to be at the wedding without my husband even though I think the wedding was stunning and relaxed and probably one of the nicest I have ever been to.
We are different. She doesn’t mind leaving her little girl in the care of someone she doesn’t really know. I do. Don’t judge me on that and say I spoil my kids. Don’t go there.
May 8, 2008 at 12:48 pm
UGH! When will people realise that spending time with your kids - and yes WANTING to spend time WITH your kids is NOT SPOILING THEM?? I suppose she thinks a total stranger or a playstation is like, quality time!? …SNORK…
May 8, 2008 at 12:48 pm
You are far more proper with your kids than I will ever be.
May 8, 2008 at 12:54 pm
you should have told her…
“your poor kids, you don’t really mother them at all do you?”
May 8, 2008 at 1:13 pm
aai tog - now you see if that was said to me, i might not have handled it so diplomatically like you did!!! It has nothing to do with spoiling your kids, for crying out loud!!!!! I think it was lousy for them not letting the close families children to attend, actually really lousy - its not like they had to be catered for, hotdogs and juice would have done the thing! You are a good mom and I feel very strongly about who I leave my kids with too, not just anybody will do!!!!!
May 8, 2008 at 1:20 pm
what i also wanted to say is that a week before C wedding we were at W cousins wedding, with a guest list exceeding 160 adults and everyone’s (friends and family) kids were welcome and everyone had a blast!!!
May 8, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I don’t leave my kids with anybody but my Hubby or my Mom….Nobody…and I don’t care what anyone has to say about that! Some people clearly are not too concerned about the rise in crimes against children.
May 8, 2008 at 3:10 pm
That is ridiculous… you can’t spoil a child with too much love!
May 8, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Good for you Melany!
I am so glad you fired back with that comment!
My fiance and I were going to the wedding, right up until the week before the wedding,then…let’s just say,”the bride’s sister” left me a rather rude voicemail on my phone after I had told C that I MIGHT not make it anymore,(she too was abit off with me) needless to say, we decided not to go the wedding, I mean why should I? who the hell do they think they are!!! Also how could they suggest you leave your children alone with complete strangers - in this day and age…Have a super evening!
May 8, 2008 at 6:45 pm
My kids, 9 and 6, have never had a babysitter.
People think we’re weird, but the truth is that my wife and I just don’t go anywhere without the kids. We have lots of alone time. Most nights the kids are asleep by 9pm and we’ll watch a movie and have dessert.
We didn’t really plan to NOT leave the kids with people. It just turned out that we never felt the need to.
I’m always surprised, though, at how angry people get when I tell them this. Like it’s against the laws of marriage not to hire a babysitter every now and then.
May 8, 2008 at 7:19 pm
You know this is ridiculous. You don’t spoil a child just because you actually love the being you brought into the world. I mean coming from a man I would understand that ridiculous comment but, from a woman, a mother? Please. Do not go there is the least of what I would of said. Someone should get over it. I am so sick of everyone saying pawn the children off on a baby-sitter and go the movies, have date nights twice a week. Why cannot I not go and take the children. This is STUPID! GRRRR Jumps on high horse along side you.
May 8, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I love your reply!!
I would have done the same thing… gone home early.
May 8, 2008 at 8:17 pm
My motto is that you can’t spoil your kids with love.
I would have done the same thing. We have three weddings this summer where no kids are invited, also they all involve travelling to them. I’m sad.
May 8, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I’m on an even higher horse than you. I wouldn’t even consider attending without spouse AND kids. ;D
May 9, 2008 at 6:43 am
I’m glad you said something in return. I used to get the same thing when my kids were little. I was told they’d never be independant, etc. Well, now that my 4th one is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks and my children have turned out fine, some of the biggest critics (my sisters and sister in laws) are singing a different song.
The love, time, and commitment you have for your boys will show greatly as they get older. People will ask how you managed such nice, caring,intelligent, fine young men, and you will be able to smile to yourself because you will know why.
May 9, 2008 at 7:17 am
Hmmm, I’m going to go against the grain here. Although you were definitely in the right to feel absolutely fine with going home to your kids, I think your last comment regarding the bride being fine leaving her daughter with someone she doesn’t really know sounds a bit judgmental and maybe a bit defensive? OK, I probably just opened myself up to criticism.
May 9, 2008 at 9:08 am
we cosleep
am i spoiling our little man I think not
he needs me
they are only little and they just a mere couple of years ago with us 24/7 - when we were preggy with them
i dont know if i would have lasted as long as you
im not very good in social gatherings especially on my own
how many children were there?
any more than 3 or 4 and i would wonder whether any one babysitter could look after that many single handily!!
May 9, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I would leave my kids with a babysitter that I didn’t know if I met the person and I knew she was only looking after my kids.
Don’t mean I don’t love my kids.
May 11, 2008 at 5:38 pm
just remember Portugal
May 12, 2008 at 12:10 pm
so did she know the babysitter…?
i hate when people make statements like that!
May 16, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I would have done the same as you. Just because we miss our children, or want them to go to sleep peacefully, doesn’t mean we spoil them… you’re right, we love them.