Why ask?!

What is it with people who ask for advice or your opinion when they want to hear THEMSELVES and not what you have to say? 

I get it so often in my office.  “Do you think I’ll be able to claim this as a business expense?”   “No.  It’s private and SARS will see it as that as well.  I wouldn’t take the chance to claim it”  “But….”  URGH

What frustrated me about this today is when my MIL phoned and asked what size clothing Jason wears.  My kids are average sized.  Have always been.  He turns 6 on the 31st.  So if you want to buy him something, buy 6 - 7 year old.  Easy right?  NNNnnnnoooooooo  She wants to buy him 7 - 8.  Why?  He still fits into most of his 5 year old clothes.  Why buy something way bigger, that he won’t be able to wear.  I tried to very sweetly explain that but she wanted none of it.  I’m sure he’ll get 7 - 8 year old clothing for his birthday.  That he can’t wear.  That I’ll have to pack away till next year, when he gets something too big to wear again but then at least he will have this.

On the up side - They do buy a gift.

 

Snap and run

My husband is 38.  Yet he still follow orders from his parents like he is 8.

Remember when we were kids?  “Please go fetch us this”  “Take the dog out for a walk”  “Pick up your toys”.  Our parents ordered asked us to do many things.  As children we listened and did what was asked of us.  This is the way it works.

Then as we get older, grow up, become adults and get married, this changes.  We have our own lives.  Our own many orders that we need to follow from your wife due to our lives in general.  Our parents don’t expect us to follow orders anymore.  They will ask but not order.  The balance changes and this is a good thing.  We need to take care of our family’s needs.  Mostly we will do what our parents ask anyway but now we have to take into account our own family and our own needs as well. 

Or that is how I see it.

In Tommie’s situation, this hasn’t changed.  He is still 8.  They still order.  They snap their fingers and regardless of our needs, he will jump for them.  I know he means well.  I don’t doubt that.  However he is a grown man and choose to get married and have children.  Now we should be his priority.

Yesterday we had to rush home from the wedding.  I was feeling horrible.  I got the boys’ stomach virus and really needed his help.  I needed him home to help with our three boys.  I needed him home for some TLC for my own self.  However, he had told his parents he would take their caravan for them.  200 km from our home.  He had to sleep over there last night, leaving me alone with the boys all this time.  My father-in-law is coming through to town on Tuesday, he could pick up the caravan then.  Tommie could have taken the caravan today, when I probably would have felt better.

Again he chose to ignore my our needs. 

 

How?

How do you drive 2 hours from your home, to the town where your grandchildren live,  go shopping, sleep over at friends and not come and see your grandchildren! They were here yesterday and today and did not even phone my kids or come over for a cup of coffee.

It’s been 8 years since they became my children’s not-so-grandparents and I still cannot get over the fact that they care so little.   That they make no effort to see our children.  That they must be hurting their son by acting like this.  That they are lying fitwits when they tell my kids they miss them.

I cannot tell my chidlren this.  I cannot keep them away from their grandparents but oh how I wish I was more of a bitch so that I would.

 

 

Tell me I should

In-laws.  I just hear the word and I imagine all these horrible things.  I’m sure some people have great relationships with their in-laws and I really hope that I’ll be a good Mother-in-law (best I be since I only have sons)  When I hear about MY in-laws though I’m already breathing just a tad bit faster.

Tommie wants to visit his folks on Saturday.  Not a problem.  They are his parents and the grandparents of my children.  So what’s my problem right?  My problem is that it’s all just a bunch of lies.  Me taking me children there.  Them hearing how their grandparents miss them and love them and and and… when my in-laws does NOTHING to see their grandchildren.  They will be in town and not come visit them (they live 1,5 hours away).  My father-in-law comes to town every week but doesn’t come to see his grandchildren.  Don’t tell me they miss them!

It’s just not fair.  From my point of view.  My folks change their worlds daily to be with my kids.  To love my kids.  To see my kids.  My in-laws do nothing.  Nada.  Yet my children live under the ‘illusion’ that they love them too.

Look don’t get me wrong.  I strongly believe that children should know and love both sets of grandparents.  The more family they have that love them the better for the kids.  So from my kids’ point of view it’s all good.  But I know better.  I know it’s all just a bunch of lies and that is what ticks me off.