Just the same

I just realized that I treat my body in pretty much the same way as I treat the silence in the house.

I haven’t been to gym almost all year.  Shocking I know.  So what do I do to make up for this?  I starve myself all morning long.  By lunch time I eat cause I’m starving and I’m at my folks house and my mom makes awesome food.  By the time I get home my body is just so thankful that it got food in the first place that it goes completely haywire and has anything and everything that is edible.

Now see.  That’s the silence in our home.  Silence for days weeks.  Then all of a sudden some words exchanged and I talk back.  Cause I hate the silence and my kids don’t need this crap.  Then by night time I’m just SO thankful that everyone is having normal conversation that I never bring up the real issues in case it brings back the silence again.

I remember as a child I had this dream so many times.  I would see two lines moving towards each other.  Not directly but very slowlymoving towards each other.   Then just as they get close, everything goes haywire.  All of a sudden there’s a million other lines that cross each other at a huge speed and seem to roll into one huge mass of lines.  Eventually the mass will disappear and there will be two lines.  Moving towards each other.  Slowly.

I think that dream is like life.  Everything goes smoothly.  Slowly.  At a steady pace.  Then things go absolutely haywire very quickly.  Now for some unknown reason the silence is broken and I’m just thankful for that.

It’s not right but it’s better than the silence.

 

 

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Bullshit!  This specific saying ticks me off and yeah that’s not the only one.

Rape doesn’t kill you but it sure as hell doesn’t make you stronger.  Losing a child doesn’t kill you but sure as hell doesn’t make you stronger. 

Many many things happen in life that doesn’t make you stronger.  A failed marriage.  It changes you.  Doesn’t make you stronger.

Then people are known to say that talking about stuff makes it easier.

WHAT?  Come on.  So ripping open your heart and opening up old scars because there is little reminder of previous pain will make it better?  Nope.  Sorry.  You won’t convince me off that one.

Talking about current issues, issues that you have some power in changing.  Yes.  that makes sense.

I have no clue what the point of this post is.

 

Carved memories

I have always wanted an old school desk. Clearly I don’t have bad school memories! I cannot really say why but it’s something that I wanted and I’m kinda glad to give that tiny piece of my school history to the boys.
We bought one in Parys today and Jason is in love with the desk. Mmm…like mother like son?

Looking at this desk brings back some memories. Remember how we carved out our names or the guy you loved in that desk? Trying to hide it from the teacher but brag to your friends. Not that I ever did this!

I look at this and I wonder. Does Rhiana still know Johan? How old were they when they were in love? Was this carved into the desk at the beginning of the school year? Did they break up soon after and thus forced the guy/girl to stare at that all year long?

So many kids have sat at that exact desk. Counting down the hours to the end of the school day. Worrying over exams. Falling in and out of love. Where are all those kids today?

Is really weird how looking at that desk makes school feel like so many ages ago but also like it was just yesterday.

 

Innocent teenager

Contrary to my parent’s believe I grew up to be a very innocent teenager. Also one with really really bad hairstyles (I’m the one with the terribly short hair on the left . I mean I could have been a boy!l)

I remember so clearly one specific night. I must have been about 15 and we were at my brother’s school for some kind of social event. I was dating a guy for at least a year and he was there too. Him and I decided to go for a walk around the rugby field (no lights though) and my parents got so upset. Demanding us to come back as soon as they found out we were out in the dark. They even told me that I would no longer be seeing this boy once they dropped him off. I was confused as to why. We had done nothing wrong. We weren’t planning on doing anything wrong. We just went for a walk.

It is only recently that I realized all boys just want one thing. Especially at that age. I just didn’t know maybe? Or maybe I just had proper boyfriends since not one ever tried to make a move on me like that.

To this day I’m amazed at how innocent I was. How naive I suppose. Sjoe imagine that. Hopefully my boys will date girls like that and be proper boys that will allow them to be innocent for as long as possible.