I’m just depressed

Hi.  I’m Melany.  I’m depressed.

URGH.  Hate that.  I’ve been fighting the feeling.  Trying to wish it away.  Imagine it away.  Push it away.  I can’t.  I’m depressed.  Even though I’m aware of it.  Even though I don’t want it.  It’s here.  I’m depressed.

I’ve been through depression before.  I didn’t cope well.  I need to cope better this time.

I know hope it’s caused by the increase of medication.  I had to double my epilepsy medication and depression is one of the side - effects.  So while I’m no longer getting one attack upon the other, I’m depressed. 

I hope that when my body adjusts to the dose, I will be depressed no more.

I couldn’t decide if I should blog about this or not.  Depression is very personal.  I’m a very proud person (and no, I don’t think it’s a good thing).  I don’t like to admit to ‘weakness’.  I want to feel in control of my life.  Good enough.  More than good enough.  Admitting to being depressed is admitting to a weakness.  A weakness that many people feel is something one can just ’snap’ out off.  Not true.  So I try to hide it.  Smile and wave and all of that.  Can’t help how I truly feel though.

I’m just depressed.  I hate that.

BTW I have the type of epilepsy where other people won’t even notice I have an attack.  It’s just my brain having a bit of an electrical storm.

 

Communication

As with most Internet addictsusers, a huge part of my daily communications are done via the Internet.  Be it with e-mail, blogging, facebook, message boards or whatever.  Business and personal.

I read Kelly’s entry on how she found old e-mails that she had sent to her husband.  How he had kept all of them.  Documenting, in a way, their love and relationship as it had grown.

It made me realize that I miss that kind of correspondence with Tommie.  He is not into electronic communications at all.  He hardly sends or responds to text messages (I may be somewhat addicted to that).  He doesn’t have e-mail!  Really.  No seriously, he doesn’t.

I think we would have a better relationship if we communicated via e-mail.  He may be more open with his feelings and I think I would maybe make more sense?  Yes, we could write but come-on.  Who does?

Maybe I could try to set up e-mail on his cellphone but I don’t think he would respond.  He doesn’t even have his mms activated so that I could send him photos.

I’m not saying it’s right or wrong that he doesn’t have an electronic means of communication, it’s just that I wish he did.

 

Strike …

Trade unionists in South Africa are holding a one-day strike in protest against the high cost of living.

Ooookkkkkaaaaayyyy….no problem if you want to strike.  Our constitution gives you the right to do so, so go ahead and make your point.  Peacefully.  Willingly.

Typically though, it’s hardly ever peaceful or willingly.  Just this morning taxi’s had stones thrown at them, should they dare to transport passengers.  People trying to leave the location via bicycle was also attacked and stopped.  Threats warnings were giving that houses will be burnt down if workers went to work.

So much for a peaceful strike.  I personally think most of them don’t even know what the strike is about.  I don’t think those who receive the memorandum even reads it or give any attention to it.

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

 

Hospital visit

Jason is very much the little ‘prince’ between ‘princesses’ at school.  He is a real little gentleman and most of the girls want to be his friend.

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. — Voltaire

One of his little friends started getting sick on Wednesday last week and went home from school during the day. Thursday (on his birthday) she went to school though. She was adamant to go to his birthday party. Half way through the party she got a fever though and went home. In the end they had to admit her to hospital and she’s been there since Saturday.

We went to visit her after school yesterday. When we got there, she was looking really pale, sick and very tired. We visited for about 30 minutes when I said it’s time for us to leave. She wanted nothing of that. She wanted Jason to stay. Her dad and I agreed that she is looking better and maybe having him there was a good thing. So he stayed.

Apparently the nursing staff came to make up her bed but then noticed the two lying in bed together and just left it lol They stayed like this, till I picked him up much later.

I love his relationships with the girls. Quite the gentleman this guy.

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.
– Hubert Humphrey