Parenting

Parenting is darn difficult.

You might be the perfect an amazing baby parent but then battle with your toddler.  Toddlers and babies might drive you insane but teenagers seem easy.

Raising your child changes all the time.  It changes as your child gets older.  Things that worked before, might not work at all now.

I had some parenting battles this past year.  Not all the time but some days were bad.  I felt as though I was losing my relationship with my child.  Something I never ever want to happen.

We had always been close (as I am with all my children) but then something changed and he seemed to drift further and further away from me.

It came to a point where I either had to discipline the heck out of him or work on getting our relationship back together. I chose the latter.

This brought some judgement from others and it got me thinking.  Look, I don’t like judgement.  I don’t think any of us have the right to judge others.  We don’t know what really goes on in their lives and cannot judge based on the little bits we actually see and know.

I was just thinking how raising your child is such a balance.  A balance between being fair to all the children.  Disciplining them equally but not the same?  If you understand what I mean?  Not all children react the same discipline.  However, not just the discipline but also knowing when to discipline and when to see the bigger picture.  When discipline will just push your child further away and into more danger than just trying to find what can work for both of you.

I don’t want to say who this child is but please know that you are loved beyond measure.  I will do anything to keep you (a) safe and (b) happy.

Soos die son

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Oh cancer

Dear cancer

Two people that I personally know, in two weeks.  You have stolen two people, in two weeks.

Fuck you, okay?

Fuck you.

Now I have to hear that my cancer markers keep increasing.  Quite substantially the last 3 months.  Well, fuck you again.  You will not find a place to hold onto in my body.  Not again.

Fuck you, cancer.

Fuck you.

 

A lot has changed

The past year and a half has been tough.

First the cancer diagnoses, chemo, radiation and then a mental breakdown followed by (or being the cause of) divorce.

We are nowhere near divorced.  I might have to change lawyers?  I don’t know. Nothing has changed since the first time we went to see her.

I’m purchasing the house.  We’ve painted it in colours we love, for instance my room is grey and red.  Pretty much every room has one wall in a chosen colour and the others grey.  It looks stunning.

I changed my surname back to my maiden name yesterday.  That felt pretty freeing. Can’t wait to get my ID card.

It’s been a roller-coaster ride.  It has been emotionally tough  on me.  When I needed support, I was asked for a divorce.

Oh well.  Here we are.  Almost five months later and I’m still alive.

Bella

Our Bella is very sick. Again.

We took her to the Vet on Thursday and he said that he didn’t think she would make it to the end of this weekend. She was just too weak. Her heart battling too much.

He did pick up that her sugar was very high again and we increased her insulin

Loads and loads of hugs and love and she got better! Much better.

Then last night one of our other dogs bit her 😥 She got such a fright. That poor heart. He bit right through her bottom lip, making it near impossible for her to eat.

She was doing so much better.

Again though, love is getting her through this. She is doing better. Not well yet but better.

She is such a fighter.

Officially in remission!

Life has been especially rough and painful lately. Stories for another blog.

However it did influence me finally going for my scans and blood test.

I saw my oncologist today and I’m officially in remission!!

FUCK YOU cancer. You do not scare me. Not during the treatment and not now. You have no hold on me.

Yes. I will always have that nagging worry in the back of my mind but that is where it will stay.

Had to have cake and coffee with my parents and Michael to celebrate.

Sorry caner:

Melany 1 – Cancer 0

Ignorance

Ah, I do find people who have an opinion on something they know nothing of, very funny.

Schools started on Wednesday and some of the homeschool parents decided to get together and celebrate “not back to school”.

I picked Jason up from a friend just before the get-together (who also homeschool) when an older man stopped next to us.

He asked us why the children aren’t in school and we explained that they are homeschooled. He looked at us with that typical this-is-not-right look and drove on. He then reversed and said “Well as long as they know how to answer a phone one day… ”

I just had to laugh.

He said that to a child who will be an accountant and already has plenty of experience.

Another who wants to become an architect.

Uhm, yeah they will be able to answer a phone. All CEO’s know how to answer a phone.

2018

Oh 2018, if you were a human I would tell you to fuck off. Not good to see you go. Not bye. Just fuck off.

It has been, without a doubt, the toughest year of my life.

My poor body. What a fight it had to fight to make it to the end of this year. Rounds and rounds of chemo, chemo allergy, hospitalization, blood thinner injections, blood tests, sonars, xrays, MRI, radiations, operations, burns… The list is longer than I wish to remember. It was no walk in the park and in all honesty it is still not. My breast still hurts, my legs are in constant pain (sometimes agony) and my feet are permanently sore. All thanks to the side effects of my last chemo.

Emotionally I’m not in a good place. I’ve had some serious parenting downs and after finishing my cancer treatment I’ve been emotional. I don’t know why, I just am.

I’ve come to realize that people I thought would be there for me, would not. They did not support me in the way I deserved and they should have.

There were obviously some good times and good people who came into my life. For that I am thankful. I’m still alive and in remission (as is my mom) and for that I’m hugely thankful. I have a special, very honest and open relationship with my children. Different from most parents I think and for that I’m thankful.

2018… Off you will fuck.