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Grade 9

Children attending government schools and even some private schools, cannot go to school yet. Not surprising the schools aren’t ready to handle all the children and be Covid compliant…

However, this does not influence homeschooling. Zander started on Monday.

Unfortunately, no second day of school for him. He has a horrible middle ear infection. Hopefully tomorrow we can continue again.

No swim training though and that is the worst thing that can happen in his life. 😅

Emotional abuse

Apparently I am emotionally abusing Kyla.

What a lovely way to start 2021.
Kyla moved back home when she was 12. She also lived with us on and off from when she was three to six. She started her first day of school here with us! Books and clothes bought by us. The years in between she would spend Christmas or Easter or we would see her for a day or two. I have always been in her life. Now her mom dares to say I am abusing her? The same mom that has hardly ever raised her (not always her choice) A mother that has never raised a teenage daughter?

Ask any teenage daughter and I am sure they feel that the world is against them at any given day and their mother is to blame for it all. The next day their mother is the best part of their world. It is a rollercoaster ride for sure.

So I don’t know what Kyla complained about or what sentence her mom decided to base it on, she now decided I’m emotionally abusing Kyla. Oh well. Whatever.

Welcome 2021. I’ll leave the door open. At least I wouldn’t have to get up every time you knock.

2020

I have not written much this year. Maybe because I’m scared that once I do the words that flow onto my screen won’t stop. Maybe I’m scared that people will truly know how I feel. Maybe I just needed some space for me.

Let’s face it. It has been a crappy year for all of us. I think that Covid just added to me already feeling emotionally drained.

Being in lockdown felt like house arrest or being grounded by your parents. Some days I understood it but other’s I wanted to slip through my bedroom window like a teenager.

Then I heard that my favourite nurse (who was always there when I was hospitalised during chemo) passed from Covid, I was heartbroken. She was still so young. After that a client/friend passed away the day after she was released from hospital after fighting for three months! Our doctor passed away after fighting for a very long time.

Lockdown made some sense then. Wearing a mask and sanitising always did. However we had 500 or 600 cases then. Now we have 17 000 and we aren’t on full lockdown? Why the full lockdown then and not now? Why mostly only lockdown beaches? Not restaurants or movie theatres…Please I don’t want to go back to full lockdown. Our country can’t afford it. I’m just saying it makes no sense.

Due to lockdown and children mostly not going to school or zoom classes that were insufficient , I decided to homeschool Kyla. What an expensive thing that was. She did well but financially I should not have done that. I just should not have.

I moved Zander to another swim club. I could go into detail but let’s just say that my child needs to be trained with his best interest at heart ( not with 10 year olds when he is the fastest 50m swimmer in his age group in the club) I will not be spoken to like a child or accept that I am not allowed to understand why certain decisions are made.

He is so happy at his new club. His times improved dramatically. He has also put in a lot more effort. I can see he is ready to push himself now. He is happy and motivated. He wakes up early to gym and then spends all afternoon training in the pool.

I lost my sweet sweet Bella. Just like that. I got home from work on April 11 and saw she wasn’t well. She had bladder cancer. I put her down that same evening. It was heartbreaking. I miss her so.

I did get cheeky little Snowy (Bella left such a hole in my heart) She is the complete opposite of Bella but I’m her everything. I love her so much.

Quintus found an intern job. He is studying to become an architecture drafter. He is loving it. Who knew! His friends are also more at my house than there own. Good kids.

Jason is still battling like crazy with his leg. He will definitely need another operation but wants to wait for winter. He started to crossfit again this year and probably spent all his time there or at church. He has a great group of friends there.

The boys spent their first ever Christmas away from me. Kyla was also with her mom. It was horrible. They were at the sea though and I was happy for them. Until the beaches were closed due Corona ( but please do still go to a restaurant urgh) They are on their way home and will be here tomorrow. Would have been lovely if they could be here tonight to help me with the dogs and their fear of fireworks but I am sure I can cope (not!)

Like I said, it has been a tough year for me though.

Tomorrow is just the day after today. No new year’s resolutions. No party. No let’s hope for a better year.

Let’s just take one day at a time.

Stay safe.

Let’s talk cancer

So it’s been almost two years since I finished my treatment. I think. I try not to keep track. I don’t want a countdown to the five years that we want to achieve.

I just don’t know when “cancer” really leaves you. When does it stop being a worry.

I have had a headache for far over a month now. Not just a headache but one of those where I battle to think. Battle wake up. Battle to sleep. Just bad.

I don’t want my first thought to be cancer. I don’t. So I asked Kyla to give me a head massage earlier this week. She pushed on a specific area and it was extremely painful. I asked her if it was a spasm and she said, it is round unlike the other side that is in spasm.

Great. So is it a normal headache? I detest being someone who thinks everything is cancer. I promised myself not to be like that.

I have an appointment with my oncologist later this month. It’s just so frustrating that I am still not over the “is this cancer” worry.