Let’s talk cancer

So it’s been almost two years since I finished my treatment. I think. I try not to keep track. I don’t want a countdown to the five years that we want to achieve.

I just don’t know when “cancer” really leaves you. When does it stop being a worry.

I have had a headache for far over a month now. Not just a headache but one of those where I battle to think. Battle wake up. Battle to sleep. Just bad.

I don’t want my first thought to be cancer. I don’t. So I asked Kyla to give me a head massage earlier this week. She pushed on a specific area and it was extremely painful. I asked her if it was a spasm and she said, it is round unlike the other side that is in spasm.

Great. So is it a normal headache? I detest being someone who thinks everything is cancer. I promised myself not to be like that.

I have an appointment with my oncologist later this month. It’s just so frustrating that I am still not over the “is this cancer” worry.

Dyslexia

Finally.

After trying to find out what Zander sees when he reads I finally understand. Last night he explained it to me in such a logical way. This is not the first time I asked: just the first time I understood.

I want to explain how he sees it. Just maybe it could help someone else.

Basically he sees the spaces between words first. Then he sees letters between the spaces that are scrambled in a way.

Somewhat like this:

This si how he seses teh dswor hatt he rades.

He has to unscramble words before reading them.  I am glad that I now understand why he battles but it saddens me to such an extend.
I can never fix that. I am just glad he doesn’t have to cope with it at school anymore, where the biggest bullies were the teachers.

I love you, Zander! More than all the scrambled words you can make.

Hi, it’s me

It feels as though I should introduce myself, my life and my many children.

2020 sucks. Too many losing their jobs. So much heartbreak around us. I lost my sweet little Bella to cancer after all she went through. I miss her when I wake up, I miss her when I go to sleep.

I had an operation two weeks ago to remove a growth in my throat 11x7x5 cm. Rather big BUT benign so that is all that matters. Since it is lockdown we couldn’t have any visitors. I was so lucky to have had an old school in the bed next to me. She took such great care of me.

Zander had an operation on his toes. They had to loosen the ligaments and scratch away bone so that his toes could straighten out. Four weeks later and he is still in pain.

Financially it is tough. I’m not going to lie. I would not have made it without my parents.

Kyla is now homeschooling as well. We just couldn’t with the Department of Education anymore. No plans at all as to when school would open but the children were getting behind by the day. So many a child at home now. Even Jason’s friend Armando is here to school most days.

I actually missed blogging. I should do it more often.

Covid-19 better known as Corona virus 🦠

When the virus broke out in Wuhan China, I didn’t think much of it. This was January 7, 2020. I found it interesting that some believed Dean Koontz predicted the virus in his book The eyes of Darkness.

Since it seemed that the virus would only stay in China I wasn’t worried too much. I would follow the news as always but it wasn’t the first article I would read.

Then the virus started to spread. first to Thailand, then the USA, Nepal, France, Australia. The spread was due to individuals traveling to those countries. Africa seemed pretty safe until tourists or South Africa came back from overseas trips.

Our epidemic started when 11 people returned from Italy. Eleven people and now we are on a 21 day lockdown.

Italy has pretty much given up. I have never seen such devastation in a man as when their prime minister said:”We have lost control”

Back to South Africa again. Our president did not take long to stand up and take control. Our lockdown is meant to last from 27 March until 16 April.

Will it be enough? We don’t know but we need to try. So far it looks as though it is flattening the curve however we don’t think our people living in locations are getting the treatment they need and therefore the country doesn’t have the correct figures. Maybe with the mobile clinics going out they will be diagnoses and get the treatment they need.

So how does this affect my family?

• Luckily school is just the same for the homeschoolers.
• Kyla gets her work from school via whatsapp and I think she has finally realized that homeschool is not for her 😉
• Quintus misses his friends terribly.
• Walter is with his brother and I am sure he is having a good time,
• Me however, I’m constantly anxious. I have to tell myself to relax my jaws.

• I am so worried about finances. I know I can work from home but if “my companies” aren’t working, I have no work to do. I have a lot of money outstanding but people aren’t paying and I am sure for a while they won’t.
• I worry about our economy and if it can recover from this.
• I worry because I could not go for my 6 month cancer check up. The big one. With scans and sonar and mri. I know it’s crazy but that is what cancer does to you.
• I worry because Jason can’t have his operation. Chance of recovery must get worse every day. I mean he already has arthritis between the fibula and tabula.
• I feel horrible that Zander worked so hard to achieve SA Level 2 and now it has been postponed and more likely cancelled. He also can’t practice at all now. Loosing all the hard work he had been putting in both in pool annd with the biogenetic trainer.
• I have many other worries that is not corona related so I won’t mention them.

I’m going to repost something many people have posted on Facebook. Just so that I don’t forget how it was. How normal it felt to be lock inside our own homes.

Just so I NEVER forget

Gas prices at a record low.

School cancelled till April 17, but I think it may be longer.

Self-distancing measures on the rise.

Tape on the floors at grocery stores and others to help distance shoppers 2m (6ft) from each other.

Limited number of people inside stores, therefore lineups outside the store doors.

Non-essential stores and businesses mandated closed.

Parks, trails, entire cities locked up.

Entire sports seasons cancelled.

Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events – cancelled.

Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings – cancelled.

No masses, churches are closed.

No gatherings of 100 or more, then 50 or more.

Don’t socialize with anyone outside of your home.

Children’s outdoor play parks are closed.

We are to distance from each other.

Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers.

Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill.

Panic buying sets in and we have no toilet paper, no disinfecting supplies, no paper towels and no hand sanitizer.

Shelves are almost bare.

Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE.

Government closes the border to all non-essential travel.

Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of Covid-19 patients.

Daily updates on SA’s new cases, recoveries, and deaths.

Barely anyone in the street or on the roads.

People wearing masks and gloves outside.

Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.

Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families.

This is the Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic….. nations world wide go into lockdown to protect their people.

One day it will show up in my memory feed, and it will be a yearly reminder that life is precious. To not take the things we dearly love for granted.