I don’t want to learn

If there is one child in our family that has the most interesting excuses, it will be Kyla.

A recent example would be her maths marks.  I told her many times that she should be learning. I could see that she wasn’t giving it her all, if any.  She definitely didn’t try more than I would try to run a 100m sprint.

You know how it is.  You get tired of asking and at some stage decide they must man (girl) up and take responsibility.

Well….she did in a very weird and her own way.

She did badly!  Not at all near the normal good marks she gets. When I asked her why she said: “I decided not to learn because I didn’t want to be cross all the time and upset everyone.  So I decided to just not learn”

I could only laugh.

What do I know …

I saw a client this morning who knows two of my children are homeschooled.

She wanted to know who teaches them. Who gives them their classes. Well, I do I replied.

What do YOU know? (In a very accusing you-are-messing-up-their-lives tone of voice) Are you a qualified teacher? What do you know about maths for example.

Well…I told her that I got 98% for maths at university. I think I know enough.

It bothered me all afternoon. How dare she. This is actually the first time that someone has asked me this to my face. Dared to judge my decision, my parenting to my face.

Tonight though I realized one of the things I do know. I know that I have a dyslexic child who just asked me to explain his maths work because he didn’t quite grasp it and he didn’t want to wait until tomorrow. A child who wants to learn.

So no, I don’t have a degree in teaching but I do know my child better than anyone else. I know to encourage him to want to learn and not force him to do so.

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand” Albert Einstein

My biggest wish

Friday we were busy with Afrikaans and part of our work for the day was to conduct interviews.  Jason was promptly nominated as the first person to be interviewed and as always we had some brilliant answers from him and spent most of the time laughing.  He really could be a standup comedian.  Homeschooling would not be the same without him.

Some of the questions were very straight forward…the usual what is your favourite food, colour etc.

Zander was also interviewed and one of the questions asked was what is you biggest wish.

“My biggest wish is to be able to read.”

There was a very short moment of silence, where both Jason and I knew we had to handle this answer the correct way.  We don’t want him to feel any less because he battles to read.  We want to acknowledge the fact that he does, as well as give him praise because he never gives up.

My heart broke.  In that very moment my heart broke for him.  Why should his biggest wish be to be able to read?  Why not to meet his hero (who BTW he said was me), get the newest electronic game, new cellphone or whatever it is that young boys desire?  Why the ability to read fluently?  Life can be very unfair.

However, I am very proud of him.  Proud that he is not embarrassed to admit he is dyslexic.  That is doesn’t mind asking for help if he is not sure how to read a word.  He is fine with the fact that his friends will correct his spelling.  I’m proud that he actually types whatsapp messages instead of sending voice-notes.  Not the lazy kind of typing (where typing 2morrow is such a time-saver!  What on earth will you do with that extra split seconds you saved)  No, even my dyslexic son takes the time to type out the words.

Zander, I love you.  I love how you accept the hand dealt to you even though I know it can’t be easy. I will forever be proud of who you are.

Remember that you are allowed more than one wish.

Love,

Your greatest supporter

Parenting

Parenting is darn difficult.

You might be the perfect an amazing baby parent but then battle with your toddler.  Toddlers and babies might drive you insane but teenagers seem easy.

Raising your child changes all the time.  It changes as your child gets older.  Things that worked before, might not work at all now.

I had some parenting battles this past year.  Not all the time but some days were bad.  I felt as though I was losing my relationship with my child.  Something I never ever want to happen.

We had always been close (as I am with all my children) but then something changed and he seemed to drift further and further away from me.

It came to a point where I either had to discipline the heck out of him or work on getting our relationship back together. I chose the latter.

This brought some judgement from others and it got me thinking.  Look, I don’t like judgement.  I don’t think any of us have the right to judge others.  We don’t know what really goes on in their lives and cannot judge based on the little bits we actually see and know.

I was just thinking how raising your child is such a balance.  A balance between being fair to all the children.  Disciplining them equally but not the same?  If you understand what I mean?  Not all children react the same discipline.  However, not just the discipline but also knowing when to discipline and when to see the bigger picture.  When discipline will just push your child further away and into more danger than just trying to find what can work for both of you.

I don’t want to say who this child is but please know that you are loved beyond measure.  I will do anything to keep you (a) safe and (b) happy.

Soos die son

Oh cancer

Dear cancer

Two people that I personally know, in two weeks.  You have stolen two people, in two weeks.

Fuck you, okay?

Fuck you.

Now I have to hear that my cancer markers keep increasing.  Quite substantially the last 3 months.  Well, fuck you again.  You will not find a place to hold onto in my body.  Not again.

Fuck you, cancer.

Fuck you.

 

A lot has changed

The past year and a half has been tough.

First the cancer diagnoses, chemo, radiation and then a mental breakdown followed by (or being the cause of) divorce.

We are nowhere near divorced.  I might have to change lawyers?  I don’t know. Nothing has changed since the first time we went to see her.

I’m purchasing the house.  We’ve painted it in colours we love, for instance my room is grey and red.  Pretty much every room has one wall in a chosen colour and the others grey.  It looks stunning.

I changed my surname back to my maiden name yesterday.  That felt pretty freeing. Can’t wait to get my ID card.

It’s been a roller-coaster ride.  It has been emotionally tough  on me.  When I needed support, I was asked for a divorce.

Oh well.  Here we are.  Almost five months later and I’m still alive.

Bella

Our Bella is very sick. Again.

We took her to the Vet on Thursday and he said that he didn’t think she would make it to the end of this weekend. She was just too weak. Her heart battling too much.

He did pick up that her sugar was very high again and we increased her insulin

Loads and loads of hugs and love and she got better! Much better.

Then last night one of our other dogs bit her 😥 She got such a fright. That poor heart. He bit right through her bottom lip, making it near impossible for her to eat.

She was doing so much better.

Again though, love is getting her through this. She is doing better. Not well yet but better.

She is such a fighter.