Super Mom

In-laws

I am very well aware that I’m going to be a mother-in-law.  I will always be the mother-in-law.  I have three boys.  I’ll never be the ‘mom’.  Thus I always try to look at my in-law situation through those eyes.  I think about it every now and again and I hope that when I am the grandmother-in-law so to speak, that I will respect the wishes of my children.  That I will respect the rules they have for their children. 

History has proven that my MIL isn’t like that.  In fact it feels as if she will go out of her way to do something against my wishes.  As in hold out a chicken bone for my 2 month old to suck on while I hold him over my shoulder and I have just explained that he is too little and has never had any food.  Letting my kids travel without seat belts.   Not seeing the danger of letting a 8 month old eat nuts.  Showing my kids where they keep the guns.  Letting the hold a huge, sharp sword that hangs on the wall and is easy for them to take off by themselves. 

My in-laws will always go on about how they miss the boys, yet they never  make an effort to see them.  They will drive to their other grandson at least twice a month but never come see our boys.  YET they complain about missing them so much. 

 Something that always closes up my chest is when they ask for the kids to sleep over at their home.  They have recently moved to a farm and I know the boys will love the freedom.  However, I know my in-laws have no regard for the children’s safety.  They feel it is completely okay for the kids to have the whole farm to their disposal. 

There’s SO many things to worry about.  Farm dams – Jason can’t swim, Quintus doesn’t swim well.  The kids are still small.  What if they get hurt when they are far from the farm house.  Will Jason even know how to get back to the home?  Their older cousin hunts.  I do not want my kids to hunt, especially at such a young age.  My FIL is a diamond miner.  There is HUGE machinery.  Slime dams.  The list is seriously endless.

I can ask them to not allow the kids out of their sight.  However I know from history that they won’t respect my wishes.  Tommie wants the boys to go.  My in-laws think I’m the biggest bitch to walk the face of the earth.  I don’t want my kids not to know their grandparents. Their other cousin will be there and they don’t get to see him often.  It’s going to be a long long holiday and it will give the kids a change of scenery.

YET should I?    Would you?  Oh and clearly Zander won’t go.

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15 responses

  1. my3boysandi

    They are your boys
    do what you feel think and believe is right for them
    who cares what they think of you
    its your responsibility to keep your boys safe and as you say their track history isnt good

    maybe you could all go for a weekend???
    that way youd be there with them

    its a hard situation

    Im praying for wisdom for you

    November 21, 2007 at 8:48 pm

  2. I would not let my kids go. No way, no how. The in-laws do not respect the (very reasonable!) boundaries you set for your boys. Let them call you every name in the book, but you know how to keep your boys safe and it sounds like they don’t (or won’t). This is a tough one because people will be mad at you, but I am definitely on your side with this one!

    November 21, 2007 at 9:29 pm

  3. addictedtocoke

    I guess if you send them and something does happen it’d be far worse than if you don’t and a few noses get out of joint. Hope it all works out okay :o)

    November 22, 2007 at 2:03 am

  4. you would only suffer, thinking how they are while you aren’t with them. i saw a movie on this, she let her son go, thinking that someone would look after him, as was promised, and yet, it didn’t turn out that way. something happened. bad. and you’d be sorry you didn’t do as you have thought. if you think it’s not safe, then i think you had better trust how you’re feeling than be in trouble (worry) until they come back.

    November 22, 2007 at 2:28 am

  5. DO NOT be intimidated by them. They are YOUR KIDS. If something happened to them you would blame yourself, and it would be YOUR HEARTACHE. It it were me, I would say a)no they are NOT going by themselves, and b) they can go if you go with. My MIL and FIL are similar in that they do whatever they hell they want (we also have a chicken bone story!!), and then look at me funny for caring about them. It is NOT OKAY for kids to have the run of the farm anymore – hello?? Wandering migrants? Dodgy farm invaders!? AAAACK my mind boggles at the thought of your boys in danger!! Oh and I’m in the same situation as you by the way, I will also only be the MIL…two boys and counting 🙂

    November 22, 2007 at 7:19 am

  6. I forgot to add – DO NOT let your husband pressurize you! My hubby for some stupid reason, often sides with his folks when we are there, “of course Bubby can play outside in the freezing cold (he’s prone to croup), he has to toughen up.” Um, no I don’t think so darling, and you’ll be facing my wrath later!! Afterall I’m the one who ends up spending the nights in hospital with him, so shut your effing yap.

    November 22, 2007 at 7:22 am

  7. Oh jeez, sounds like my MIL!
    I wouldn’t let the kids go, especially with slimes dams etc.

    November 22, 2007 at 8:14 am

  8. You always, always, always follow your “mom intuition.” Each time I’ve ignored it I’ve been deeply sorry.

    November 22, 2007 at 2:24 pm

  9. Gen

    Couzzie, I dont know – this is a tough one and I know exactly how you are feeling. Me, personally would not send them (i never did let them visit “unattended to” @ W mom or dads house). Go with your gut feeling – you know what is best for them at the end of the day anyway! Good luck!

    November 22, 2007 at 3:00 pm

  10. I LOVED this post. Probably because I just ranted on my blog about a weekend alone with my in-laws and attending a wedding.

    November 22, 2007 at 4:34 pm

  11. somayya

    Its only natuaral to be protective, however keeping them from their grandparents will cause alot of friction btwn the two families. You should consider visiting with them,even if it is just for a few days. Dont be too harsh on the way they are……You could be reflecting the same MIL qualities. I know where u coming from and sometimes you have to let down the bars and let the sheep go out and play trusting that they will make it back with the fold safe and not touched.
    All of the best!!!!!! What ever you decide you the mom and dont feel intimidated by what anyone says.

    November 23, 2007 at 10:35 am

  12. Ooh…tough one! I think you should do what feels right to you…and if you don’t feel like the kids should go then I wouldn’t let them. They are your kids! Perhaps you should visit your in-laws with the kids though, otherwise not letting them go at all could cause all sorts of friction. At least then you can keep an eye on them and perhaps subtly point out to the in-laws when maybe they are doing something you don’t approve of?
    Good luck!!! 🙂

    November 23, 2007 at 12:54 pm

  13. Marié

    I wouldn’t dream of letting my kids go if it was my choice. I feel with you here Melany it is too dangerous and your kids have been growing up very protected as they should be.
    Rather go with for a week-end for their sake or you and I can take them for a day ?

    Love

    Mom

    November 25, 2007 at 7:42 pm

  14. My gosh! I can’t believe your mother-in-law would do that! Geesh!

    November 26, 2007 at 9:18 pm

  15. Krystal

    Always trust your gut.
    Always!

    November 26, 2007 at 9:57 pm

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