Super Mom

Meeting me

This weekend we had a year-end function to attend. I didn’t know anyone as it was people that Tommie works with.

I realized when I walked away there that due to my insecurity or maybe me not wanting to be looked down upon I may be seen as a snob. Seen as a show off. Maybe people sum me up as thinking that I’m better than others. THAT would be horrible for me. Absolutely horrible. I would hate for people to think that I think I’m ‘better’. I don’t. I never have and it upsets me when someone thinks they are ‘more’ than another because of what they do or who they know or …

Thing is this. People often tend to think that I’m a housewife. A stay-at-home mom. Maybe because I talk about my kids. A lot. However when people ask me if I am a SAHM I make sure they understand that I have my own practise. That I’m an accountant. That I’m more than just my husband’s wife. My kid’s mother.

Why? Firstly why do I feel the need to point out that I have my own business? And is that wrong? Does it make me look like a snob or do I just inform the people of what I really do?

Sometimes I wish I could just meet me …. just see me the way others do when they first meet me. I don’t want to pretend to be something and someone I’m not. I’m not pretencions and don’t want people to think I am.


17 responses

  1. I hear you. When people ask me, what do you do? I always feel like I sound unauthentic, like somehow I’m lying about being a photographer. Sure I work from home, sure at the moment being pregnant, I’m more home, than I’m working. Why does it feel so wrong to say, “I’m mostly home with my kids, although I am a freelance photographer as well..” without feeling the need to explain exactly how much time you do both?! I don’t think there’s a win in this situation, because if you say you are a SAHM, then people think there’s something wrong with you. If you say you work, then the SAHM’s think there’s something wrong with you. Ugh – I also don’t know what to say half the time. It’s annoying 🙂

    December 10, 2007 at 8:58 pm

  2. my3boysandi

    I dont think your a snob
    I do think your a successful lovely caring woman
    and I feel blessed to know you through this medium
    without which I would know you exist
    and that would be sad

    December 10, 2007 at 9:22 pm

  3. The whole meeting people at parties thing is awkward anyway. People ask you what you do…you respond…then people sort of mentally place you in a file cabinet. (I would love to complain about it, but I probably do the same.) So essentially, you have three minutes to establish that you don’t belong in the back with all the really, really unimportant files. That you actually are a person with value. Someone engaging to know.

    Which, if you think about it, is way, way, way too much pressure to put on the three minutes. So now, mostly at parties, I find myself looking for the other person, who might be standing about awkwardly crafting their three minute intro speech and ask them something completely random like what their favorite breakfast cereal is. Which almost always makes for much more interesting conversation anyway.

    December 10, 2007 at 9:37 pm

  4. I don’t think you are pretentious at all, and I doubt you come across that way. People shouldn’t assume you are a stay at home mom though just because you are close to your children and talk about them a lot either. People also shouldn’t think people are ‘just’ stay at home moms. Like that’s not hard, or a lot to do, or something good. KWIM?

    Anyway I think if you met you, you would like who you found 😉


    December 10, 2007 at 10:34 pm

  5. mybloggylife

    I’ve thought the same thing about wanting to meet myself to see what impression I give. Is it the one that I want to give? One that reflects my heart?

    December 10, 2007 at 10:35 pm

  6. Oh and I also find the ‘what do you do?’ question a tad annoying. We were recently at an end of year school braai. I was enjoying being there wit the kids and enjoying socialising around the fire… the last thing I wanted to do was think about work. WTF bring it up? Who cares! Surely we can talk about something more immediate and interesting?

    December 10, 2007 at 10:38 pm

  7. Wenchy

    What crap is this. You have no pretend bone in your body. Okay, a little one, when you pretend that I am amusing when I am pissing you off. Other than that, plat op die grond en so.

    Mel….. YOU are intelligent and fabulously beautiful and a kick ass accountant. Why shouldn’t you be proud of that??? I am very proud of you and jy hoef vir niemand terug te staan nie.

    I have no idea why you feeling insecure because you even have a nice ass.

    So there.

    December 10, 2007 at 10:51 pm

  8. Wenchy

    Btw – when people ask what I do, I say I am a general slave.

    December 10, 2007 at 10:52 pm

  9. yeah. right. this is confusing. because while we want people to know what we are and what we are not, we do not want to sound proud. and yet, we do want people to know. at least, those who wanted to. we do not want them to go on thinking what they might be thinking especially if those thoughts are a little less than what we are. and yet, doing so might cause people to think that we are bragging… or might cause us ourselves to wonder whether or not we appeared like bragging to them.

    in the end, we feel unaccomplished because after telling the truth (lifting ourselves up), we worry about the way we did it and how we appeared while doing it. and we question ourselves whether or not it matters that people know the truth about us. and yeah, of course, it does. we need to feel a little more accepted, a little more appreciated, a little more affirmed. but then, it is of lesser importance than how we appeared to them…

    that’s why sometimes, it helps to have other people brag(tell the truth of us) for us – parents, friends or partner (hubby or bf or gf)…that way, we don’t have to appear bragging ourselves and all we have to do is smile and stop them from bragging of us after they actually did it. LOL.

    December 11, 2007 at 2:36 am

  10. Gen

    I don’t think you are a snob – on the contrary you are a very down to earth person. So what if you have your own pratice – Hellooooo, remember you studied hard and put in all the effort to be able to have your own practice and there is simply nothing with bragging about it either!!!!
    I guess we all (being woman)go thru the “insecure” stages – Rather normal!!!!! Oh and if people want to percieve you as a snob – that’s their problem, maybe they should make the effort to get to know a little bit about you before judging!!!!!!! Ok I think I have said more than enough – Enjoy your day!!!! 🙂

    December 11, 2007 at 7:34 am

  11. FV

    You know I don’t think you are pretentious at all. Furthermore, you have never struck me as a snob. I mean I don’t know you in RL but, I know you on here and you seem like a wonderful person. I can understand the feeling of not wanting to be judged but, in reality we know who we are, what we are, and we need not be ashamed of our accomplishments. You own your own practice, I am a Regional VP for a Fortune 500 Company but, that doesn’t make us SNOBS! So, stop being so hard on yourself. Keep up the great work supermom. From the other not SAHM in the US. HEHE

    December 11, 2007 at 9:10 am

  12. No man!!!! this is not proper. You have nothing to be insecure about. You have a very very proper job, you are gorgeous, more clever than I can ever hope to be. You have awesome kids and you are not or never will be pretentious.

    December 11, 2007 at 10:19 am

  13. Wenchy

    Bring tog asseblief vir my van Oom Swanepoel se koeksisters. Ek is tog nou so belustig.

    December 11, 2007 at 11:55 am

  14. Okay – Wenchy’s comment just made me laugh. The age old question about staying at home versus working. I have had to go to my husbands work parties and they aren’t much fun. If you work some look down on you and if you stay at home people think that you aren’t capable of working. I would probably feel the same way you do. If people assume that you are a SAHM because you talk about your kids so much – take it as a compliment because you are obvisously very involved in your kids lives and BTW own your own practice to boot. Very accomplished are you!!

    I will take Wenchy’s opinion on the ass – as she seems to know you quite well.

    Great post today – definitely food for thought.

    December 11, 2007 at 2:38 pm

  15. jenty

    I don’t think you’re being pretentious. It’s an endless battle that I have too. I want everyone to know that I’m not just a wife and a mother. It’s important to me that I am more than that.
    I really can’t see you coming across as a snob.

    December 11, 2007 at 9:38 pm

  16. You know what? If people are gonna ask a question, they better be prepared to hear the answer whether they like it or not. Feel free to tell all you want about yourself. They asked!

    December 12, 2007 at 8:59 am

  17. I’m shy and uncomfortable in crowds or at parties. I have found out from people I now know as friends that this was interpreted by those people as snobbishness.

    So, you are not the only one to be misunderstood.

    Men define who they are by what they do for a living. I think now that women have entered the workforce, we are more and more doing the same.

    No man,when asked what he does, would say he is a father. He would say a lawyer, an accountant or whatever else he did for a living.

    Why should it be different for a woman?

    December 13, 2007 at 4:33 am

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