Super Mom

Favouritism

I think I can honestly say that I don’t have a ‘favourite’ child (and feel free to tell me if you think I do as I will do my utmost to change that). I am very aware of the impact of that on siblings and how the ‘other’ children feel. 

Ever since the day that Jason was born, I worked hard and reminded myself daily that I need to love my children equally.  That I need to divide my attention equally.  Although I have to respond to them differently.  Children are in all reality not the same and Jason just doesn’t appreciate hours playing rugby as much as he would hours of painting or drawing or building something.  Kinda like the 5 languages of love I suppose.  Show the love differently.

The hardest thing though is standing back and watching someone else have a favourite of YOUR children.  And not just having a favourite but actually having a least favourite and acting more on that.

You cannot force someone else to act differently.  You can point it out and ask and even give it a big of a random beg but you cannot force.

It is really sad.  It hurts me as a mother.  It hurts my child and he is still just too young to handle such behaviour.  Kids of this age are still so innocent and trusting.  They hurt so deeply when the are treated like this.

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11 responses

  1. Oy Vey. When my new bubby arrives (16 April) I have the whole day planned out already so as not to let Bubby no1 feel left out. I too, am very conscious (already!) of trying to do as much as possible with No.1, even though I’m no longer able to go ‘uppies’ with him anymore because of the bubba no.2 I try to find other ways to do stuff with him, I drop to his level to give him big hugs etc. I’m sure hubby will be the same. If not, I’m going to open a can of whoopass on him in about 5 seconds. I suppose once they start to get interested in activities, it gets harder for dads (let’s face it sometimes they’re just plain dumb) to be AS interested in art/building than rugby, hell especially in this country. My oppinion, to them, is ‘tough noogies’ GET INTERESTED! It would break my heart too if someone had to play favourites between my boys because of their interests…grrrr. (I always seem to end my comments on your blog with grrr, maybe it’s because your issues are so similar to mine – and the same things bug us!)

    February 3, 2008 at 8:40 pm

  2. my3boysandi

    this bahaviour actually can hurt lots of people
    my mother use to treat my daughter like this
    her other grandchildren were mostly boys whom she paid little regard towards
    it hurt me and my sister
    the boys were all too young to fully understand
    it sucks!!! (sori about the language)

    and Im sori its happening in your family

    February 3, 2008 at 9:00 pm

  3. Wow. That must be *so* hard! I can’t imagine. I’m glad that we haven’t experienced anything like that in either of our families.

    February 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

  4. jenty

    That is hard. It tears me apart when that happens to my boys.

    February 3, 2008 at 10:04 pm

  5. Sorry Mel, that does sound very hard.

    We haven’t encountered that (yet), or not that I have actually noticed.

    *hugs* to you and your beautiful boys.

    February 3, 2008 at 10:58 pm

  6. who is doing that Mel and we can punch them in the face! I have 5 other siblings and yes, there were cases that some relatives prefer my aun’t child/children than us. It was a terrible feeling. I guess this is where moms come into the picture and protect the hurt children involved.

    I hope whoever is doing that stops doing that the soonest!

    February 4, 2008 at 6:39 am

  7. Wenchy

    I don’t have a favourite…. I love ’em all for very different reasons!!!

    February 4, 2008 at 1:19 pm

  8. Oh, that is heartbreaking. Kids are smart and sensitive—they can tell, of course. The previous post regarding your in-laws is just as sad…

    February 5, 2008 at 1:50 am

  9. Very heart wrenching indeed. I love my children individually and completely. I tell Walker that he is my favorite 5 year old and Peyton is my favorite 2 year old. So far it seems to work. It is horrible to witness what you have because even my grandmothers did the same thing and yes children notice these things.

    February 5, 2008 at 2:06 am

  10. 🙂 I do the same thing! I tell Jason he’s my favourite Jason and Quintus is
    my favourite Quintus

    February 5, 2008 at 7:54 am

  11. I have a book I buy for all of my friends who have a second child. It is called “I Love You the Purplest.”

    She tells one son how she loves him the reddest because he is all fire and sunshine and how she loves the other son the bluest because he is all deep and cool like a spring.

    Beautiful book with beautiful illustrations about the joy of the difference in children.

    February 5, 2008 at 2:01 pm

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