No matter what. Regardless of what is going on in my life. These guys, these guys that I chose to bring into my life, they deserve the best.
I cannot base a decision just on me and what I need. I need to take into account what they need too. Not just what they need though. What we need. Me and my little guys.
That doesn’t necessarily include staying. Also doesn’t mean that I should leave.
My friends feel that leaving is long overdue. I know many of my friends would have left by now and if I were to think of myself only, so would I. Or maybe I’m just a coward. Maybe I’m just too afraid to accept that I should leave. That I will knowing hurt another person by calling it quits. That I use the kids as an excuse.
Maybe I take his feelings into consideration more than he does mine. Maybe I am so thankful for the little times when things are good that I push the bad to one side.
However. I think I’m being unfair to me and probably ultimately to my boys. This is not how I want them to think what a marriage should be. I also don’t want them to think that one can just quit. Walk out and not look back.
I have never been good at making decisions . . . .