Super Mom

Married vs Single

I was born into a family where we always went on holiday together.  Where we were a unit.  A crazy unit at times but a unit.  I don’t remember times when my dad went on holiday without us or my mom.  They  never went on holiday without the other.  Business trips but not holidays.

Tommie is going away for the coming long weekend.  Without me.  He went hunting last year.  Without me.  His very first trip without me was when we just got engaged.  Then just before we got married and from there on out probably once a year.

Now I’m guilty of this too.  I have gone on long holidays without him.  However those were normally when we were going to get divorced through a tough time.

I mentioned this morning that we should go away for the long weekend, when I found out he had already made other plans.  How is that right?  How does he live such a separate life that he has already booked the chalet and asked one of our friends to go with?

It hurts.  Not him going away.  Although in reality that hurts too.  I want us to do things together.  We are married.  That’s what we decided to do.  It hurts that he lives such a separate life that I don’t know at all what he does and when.


16 responses

  1. thats rough supermom… i’m sorry.

    June 3, 2008 at 7:05 pm

  2. Gen

    First of all, Happy Birthday for Saturday – I did not forget, just was not able to do much other than try and move out of our house (we only finished this morning).

    I am sorry to hear that Tommie arranges trips on his own, I agree with you, it is not fair and he should at least then take Q or J with him or better yet rather take the whole family!!!!!! Sorry you feeling so heartbroken – (((((hugs))))))

    June 3, 2008 at 8:22 pm

  3. Hubby used to take a golfing trip with his buddies every year, then I would insist on getting a scrapbooking weekend in somewhere, but neither of us have done so the last two years or so. I would be seriously cheezed off if he made plans without telling me though! It’s like he doesn’t see himself as part of a family, where you have to tell each other stuff. It doesn’t work like that where you can just do what you want. Strange that.

    June 3, 2008 at 8:44 pm

  4. my3boysandi

    i can understand how it must hurt
    and be driving a wedge between you both
    my prayers are with you

    June 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm

  5. CP

    Happy (Belated) Birthday!

    I would be pissed if Mr H made plans without checking with me first. I don’t mind us doing things apart, although I do prefer that they are kid oriented for the most part- like father daughter camping trips. But, Mr. H “lets” me have long weekends away with my friends and I encourage him to go to Mariners’ games, pursue triatholons, etc. We also do these things together as a couple, and as a family.

    I’ve been following your blog for a few years now (at least 2+, I think) and I feel for you during the times you mention troubles at home. Mr. H and I have gone through our fair share of stress as well. I wish I knew how we were going to end up. I don’t. Right now we’re in total kid mode. When the youngest gets to high school (still many years away), I don’t know if that will be the end or if that will be the time we rediscover why we fell in love in the first place. It’s scary and not the fairy tale marriage that others appear to have. But, it’s my reality right now.

    Whew! That was a long comment!

    June 4, 2008 at 4:16 am

  6. sure that hurts. i wouldn’t want that to happen to me.

    it’s rude when people do that to their partners. informing them rather than asking their permission. going without thinking of the other. what is partnership for if it works the same way sole proprietorship does!

    June 4, 2008 at 4:37 am

  7. Normal

    Ouch! that bites a bit.
    I think my perpective on things is probably a little shady on this one, because things get a little strained here too and this often prevents one from thinking clearly but anyway, personally I don’t see anything wrong with a hubby or a wife doing their own thing for a weekend break every once in a while (my hubby enjoys going on motorbike rally’s), it gives the other one a little bit of space and time for themselves which can be very healthy for a relationship. I do agree thought that it should be discussed and decided as a couple to make sure it is convenient for both of you and that it is a joint decision. I would be really annoyed if I were just told about it without him considering my feelings on the subject. Good luck.

    June 4, 2008 at 9:47 am

  8. Yup, its not the fact that he is going away. Its the lack of consideration and the attitude around this trip.

    I think we can all agree that its great to get away ALONE for a few days once a year but not under these circumstances.

    No good Tommie. No good meneer.

    June 4, 2008 at 10:20 am

  9. Sorry to hear that there has AGAIN been total disregard for you. Just a pity!!! Hopefully you’ll get to do something you totally love on that weekend.

    {{LOTSA HUGS}}

    June 4, 2008 at 10:34 am

  10. Wenchy

    I don’t think there is nothing wrong with the odd golf weekend, or a hunting weekend or a spa weekend or …. you know what I mean… however, just randomly deciding to go away without your partner is not okay. Especially when you do not even have the decency to TELL YOUR PARTNER!!! That is not fresh and certainly NOT fanTy.

    I wish Tommie would see you as you are… what you mean to everyone around you… and the wonderful potential of what you could and SHOULD mean to him.

    I wish you enough my friend. Every day. Always. I love you more than ice cream and pancakes on rainy days.

    June 4, 2008 at 10:52 am

  11. oh boy… personally i think it’s a good thing to have separate holidays once a year, but at a fixed time so both knows about it.

    this type of thing he’s doing isn’t right, i hope you’re not going to do his packing!

    it’s these little things that turns into huge things, it’s difficult to put a name to this and yet i know exactly what pain you’re feeling, it’s kind of a betrayal, and what makes it worse is that he knows that you know that it’s a kind of betrayal, and ~ he doesn’t care and won’t admit it.

    strongs ok?! XXX

    June 4, 2008 at 10:55 am

  12. I used to read about couples that spent 60 years together etc, never leaving one another’s sides and get jealous, but Neen and I recognise that within outr marriage, we both need to develop as individuals, too. So we give each other days off, and, very occasionally, weekends. But then marriage does take work, and we need to get together as a couple to catch up, too. Sigh. It can be hard living with one person. And wonderful, too.

    June 4, 2008 at 8:58 pm

  13. It sounds like you are so sad. I am so sorry for your pain. Like someone else said, I would be pissed too if Steve planned something and didn’t even tell me. You have every right to be angry and hurt. I hope it gets better soon.

    June 4, 2008 at 9:56 pm

  14. jenty

    Ouch!! I’m so sorry, I’d be as mad as hell!

    June 4, 2008 at 10:30 pm

  15. My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We’ve never stayed overnight away from each other. Quite honestly, if I have somewhere I want to go, it’s probably going to be a place that I want to take her too. And the kids, for that matter!

    June 5, 2008 at 7:40 am

  16. Wenchy


    June 6, 2008 at 12:43 am

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