Super Mom

People pleaser

I have come to realize (although I suppose I’ve known it for a long time) that I’m such a people pleaser.  To the extend that I tend to push my own feelings and time aside, so that I can care for others. 

Seeing other people happy means a lot to me.  I want people to enjoy themselves.  To know that life is pretty much amazing and a miracle in itself.  When people are down, I’m normally one of the first people they talk to.  I will let other people’s feelings and emotion come before mine even if it means I hurt myself more in the process.  When I do that though, when I push my own feelings to the back, I tend to forget about it.  To make it feel ‘less’ even though it is not.

When I do feel I have a right to my feelings, a right to be upset and hurt and to be heard, I feel guilty.  Once in my life I did this in a big way.  I totally stood up for my own self and in the process felt rather stupid.  I felt that I was making a scene when I should have just let it go.  Although if it were someone else, I would have supported them and thought that they were doing the right thing.

I wish I felt entitled to be upset.  To know that I have the right to feel that way and not be pushed away because of it.


12 responses

  1. Addie

    You ARE entitled to feel upset just like the next person is!!! Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

    June 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm

  2. I know exactly what you mean! But I agree you are entitled to be upset – especially if it is something important to you.

    June 17, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  3. I know exactly what you mean. I’m very much the same. I always feel like people look at my like I’m over-reacting if I DO stick up for myself. But back at the ranch – it is THOSE people who are being selfish. Not you.

    June 17, 2008 at 4:28 pm

  4. bekah1976

    I recently read an article about stress and how no matter how little or big your stress or your “upset” is, you still have a right to be upset about it. You are a mom, and a good one from what I see, and as a mother, you are not very aware of your own needs because the needs of others comes first, and it has since the day your child was born…. maybe even longer. I am the same way and I have noticed at times that I have really neglected my needs, my feelings, my wants so that I could make things possible for others, or nurture others, or help others. And I do feel guilty about bringing up things that matter to me. I even feel bad if I have extra money and it’s spent on something I want instead of something my son wants… or something my boyfriend wants. It’s what we do, and we’ll do it until the day we die. We may just as well get used to it, eh?

    Many hugs.


    June 17, 2008 at 7:34 pm

  5. I know what you mean. I’m not like that though. 😛 But my friend is! She will take a lot of heat. She is a major people pleaser. I bet you would really like this book called “Birth Order”. It helps you understand your birth order in your family and how it shapes us. I was baby of the family and I will definitely stick up for myself and be heard! I am unorganized, spontaneous, fun :), etc. My sister, who was the middle born, was a people pleaser, holds hurt feelings inside till she explodes someday, and is organized. My oldest sister has always been the go getter, she’s put together, knows what she wants in life, and always has lots of friends who love her! This book helped me to understand and appreciate who I am. First borns are also extremely organized and I’ve always longed for that. The book helped me to appreciate being a last born. It helped me to understand my children to adn my husband. It’s just a cool book!

    June 17, 2008 at 7:47 pm

  6. my3boysandi

    I think a lot of woman push their own feelings aside to cater and care about others

    You are a very compassionate and caring person

    you know where I am if you ever want to chat I wont push you away my friend


    June 17, 2008 at 9:11 pm

  7. aw mel… there are not many people like you on the planet!

    June 18, 2008 at 7:06 am

  8. Virginia – lol I’m the baby too. Obviously didn’t listen to the birth order thing!

    June 18, 2008 at 7:51 am

  9. during and after my divorce things changed for me in that regard… i still struggle to claim stuff for me… but i have definitely improved 🙂 but it’s so damn hard…

    June 18, 2008 at 12:18 pm

  10. bekah1976

    Hmmm, I’m a middle child. Go figure. I might look at that book next time I am at Barnes and Noble though.

    June 18, 2008 at 2:46 pm

  11. Sarah

    It’s almost the same thing as breaking your heart to say what you want to say and be understood, and then be rejected or not heard.

    Change it. Learn to live more for yourself.
    Thats what other people do – so why don’t you?

    June 18, 2008 at 5:08 pm

  12. Well, you are obviously very giving and a wonderful mother! Try to take some time for yourself! You deserve it. (:

    June 18, 2008 at 9:10 pm

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