I have come to realize (although I suppose I’ve known it for a long time) that I’m such a people pleaser. To the extend that I tend to push my own feelings and time aside, so that I can care for others.
Seeing other people happy means a lot to me. I want people to enjoy themselves. To know that life is pretty much amazing and a miracle in itself. When people are down, I’m normally one of the first people they talk to. I will let other people’s feelings and emotion come before mine even if it means I hurt myself more in the process. When I do that though, when I push my own feelings to the back, I tend to forget about it. To make it feel ‘less’ even though it is not.
When I do feel I have a right to my feelings, a right to be upset and hurt and to be heard, I feel guilty. Once in my life I did this in a big way. I totally stood up for my own self and in the process felt rather stupid. I felt that I was making a scene when I should have just let it go. Although if it were someone else, I would have supported them and thought that they were doing the right thing.
I wish I felt entitled to be upset. To know that I have the right to feel that way and not be pushed away because of it.