Super Mom

Favouritism

Or even worse…having a very least favourite child.

I have written about this a great deal.  It lies close to my heart.  Maybe because of what I am experiencing and I don’t know how to cope with it. 

What if someone has a least favourite child.  When that one child doesn’t get taken with to work.  Doesn’t get bought something special.  Doesn’t get that extra attention.  Doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt.

How do you ‘fix’ that.  How do you manage to make the situation between the children ‘fair’ without the other kids feel that you now a favourite?

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14 responses

  1. Calling Him Out

    That’s a hard on. Please write when you’ve worked it out, may need your help too. Hope things work out for you.

    July 14, 2008 at 4:24 pm

  2. Rebekah

    I wouldn’t know what to tell you as I only have one child. That’s got to be tough. I don’t know enough about your situation to make any kind of sensible reply either. Good luck to you though!
    Many hugs.

    Bek

    July 14, 2008 at 4:45 pm

  3. I think any parent with more than one child experiences this, and it is hard. My children are several years apart and we went through this. Once Kyle came along, the attention Marissa got was obviously less. Kyle is 14 and Marissa is 23. It took some time for me to realize how important it was to show them both they were equally important. My advice is LOVE your children and let them know over and over again how special they are in their own ways.

    July 14, 2008 at 4:59 pm

  4. We are six in the family and I am sure my mom and dad did have a hard time on this matter. I hope you work it out. All your three boys are equally speacial and I know you are capable of giving all of them the love they equally deserve!

    July 14, 2008 at 6:08 pm

  5. my sister has 6 boys 5-18, they all have a day where they spend 30 mins with her on their own at 6pm, today it was johan’s turn tomorrow its Han’s turn and so on, each boy knows that during that time the only time to disturb is if the house is on fire.

    July 14, 2008 at 8:08 pm

  6. When mine were a little younger it was much easier … with only two of them it wasn’t such a brainer. But now that they are getting older, its not that easy. I try very hard to keep a policy of “you cannot do for the one and not the other” … not sure if that makes sense. What puts a spanner in the works now and then is the age difference … the “gentleman is 9 and the lady is 5. Reward system for CJ doesn’t necessarily apply for the Drama Queen

    July 14, 2008 at 8:10 pm

  7. Hay

    My hubby is very hard on our eldest. They are very similar, and neither will give in. It drives me crazy, I expect him to be the adult and treat her the same as the others. Of course being so hard on her makes her angry and defiant, which makes him angrier. Vicious cycle. *sigh*

    Siblings Without Rivalry is the best book about siblings I have ever read. I recommend it.

    July 15, 2008 at 1:34 am

  8. my3boysandi

    have you talked to Tommy about how you feel

    I have talked to Mr Wonderful about this and it helps a bit

    July 15, 2008 at 3:10 am

  9. Wenchy

    I don’t have a favourite child, nor a least favourite. I tend to see ’em all on a pedestal of their own. Like all people they have good and not so fabulous points…. however, other people have favourites and least favourites amongst my children and it hurts me when they make it so clear. 😦

    July 15, 2008 at 7:41 am

  10. Jess

    That is tough. You have to speak to the adult who’s guilty of neglecting the child. I’ve noticed similar behaviour with my husband and older son. It’s primarily because my son challenges him and says things the way they are….JUST like his Dad does! LOL! I constantly have to remind my hubbie that HE is the adult and more importantly he is our son’s father. Regardless of their personality clashes, he needs to love him. Good luck. Remember, parenting is about ‘following through’…identify the problem and work at resolving it…follow through! It requires patience and endurance. You need to get the adult (in your situation) to understand that.

    July 15, 2008 at 1:09 pm

  11. I guess it is good that I only have one child. She is my defacto favorite. 😉

    July 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  12. Sho! This is a hard one. I struggle with this too. In difficult situations my first thoughts is my son….is he my carming effect….all I ever do is think of him …….and all I ever want to do is spend all my time with him forgetting that my angel girl exists. she too is a darlin.Not that I love her less it is just the age difference. I doubt that he is my favourite although many say he is. However now i try and pratice whats good for him is good for her tactic and try to appreciate them both on their own individual personalities

    Please write when u have found a solution ……this is a difficult one.

    July 15, 2008 at 3:25 pm

  13. That is very frustrating. If people don’t want to hear an honest answer, they should not even ask! (Big news over at my place!)

    July 16, 2008 at 4:52 pm

  14. Lisa

    This gets tricky when you have such a vast difference of personality too. We try for uninterrupted 1:1 time, with personality-appropriate activities and what not.

    I don’t have a favorite, per se, but I do tend to understand my daughter more than my son (she being the most like me). That can work both ways, as I get frustrated with her more often than him as well (again, her being the most like me). 😀

    July 18, 2008 at 5:22 pm

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