Super Mom

I’m just depressed

Hi.  I’m Melany.  I’m depressed.

URGH.  Hate that.  I’ve been fighting the feeling.  Trying to wish it away.  Imagine it away.  Push it away.  I can’t.  I’m depressed.  Even though I’m aware of it.  Even though I don’t want it.  It’s here.  I’m depressed.

I’ve been through depression before.  I didn’t cope well.  I need to cope better this time.

I know hope it’s caused by the increase of medication.  I had to double my epilepsy medication and depression is one of the side – effects.  So while I’m no longer getting one attack upon the other, I’m depressed. 

I hope that when my body adjusts to the dose, I will be depressed no more.

I couldn’t decide if I should blog about this or not.  Depression is very personal.  I’m a very proud person (and no, I don’t think it’s a good thing).  I don’t like to admit to ‘weakness’.  I want to feel in control of my life.  Good enough.  More than good enough.  Admitting to being depressed is admitting to a weakness.  A weakness that many people feel is something one can just ‘snap’ out off.  Not true.  So I try to hide it.  Smile and wave and all of that.  Can’t help how I truly feel though.

I’m just depressed.  I hate that.

BTW I have the type of epilepsy where other people won’t even notice I have an attack.  It’s just my brain having a bit of an electrical storm.


18 responses

  1. The fact that you can “talk” about it says that its already going better. Many people don’t own up to their depression and that’s where the problem lies … I think!!!

    I am depressed … due to a lack of funds

    August 9, 2008 at 9:20 pm

  2. You are being open and honest and I commend you for that. None of us like to admit things like this.

    I hope and pray that you can find a good balance with the meds so that you no longer suffer from either the epilepsy or the depression.

    Hugs to you my dear!

    August 9, 2008 at 11:43 pm

  3. my3boysandi

    Im pleased you blogged about this
    shows great courage
    good on you for taking that mask your hiding behind off

    “Depression is very personal.” It can be but it shouldnt be. More people need to get educated about it. Some successful people have depression. In New Zealand one of our sports people has depression he has made some TV ads. I admire him for this.

    It isnt a “weakness” often times its an effect on ones Serotonin in ones brain.
    This is something we cant help.

    “A feeling that many people feel is something one can just ’snap’ out off. Not true.” Totally agree and I think its the people who dont have it and dont understand about it that simply think we can snap out of it.

    I am praying for you

    August 10, 2008 at 1:50 am

  4. I feel for you.

    August 10, 2008 at 2:57 am

  5. It’s good to write about it.

    I’m a hypocrite, though, because I DON’T write about it on my blog. Because then I’ll get a call from my mom and that will make me even more depressed.

    Do you have coping mechanisms? Me, I buy stuff, or eat ice cream.

    August 10, 2008 at 7:36 am

  6. Cheryl

    Oh Mel, I’m so sorry that you are feeling depressed.

    I have a chemical imbalance that no matter how positive I am or affirmations or anything, I remain depressed. It has taken me years to accept that it is a medical condition and that I have to take my meds everyday to remain stable.

    I commend you for being open and blogging about how you feel. How about a holiday? come to the coast for a few days, have some R & R.

    Take care, hugs

    August 10, 2008 at 10:20 am

  7. Well at least you don’t have Tom Cruise publiscising to the world on how you should just diet & exercise to snap out of it…

    Hope you feel better soon!

    August 10, 2008 at 11:35 am

  8. bigmama

    it’s ok supermom…it’s ok…I know I have not met you personally, but reading your blogs – you are the kind of person that even as your going through this, you will seek that balance…it’s just who you are. BUT having said that, it’s ok to be tired and depressed…just know that you have three beautiful boys who are “who they are” because of the person you are…take care of yourself supermom…you are in my thoughts…

    August 10, 2008 at 12:16 pm

  9. I’m pretty sure our thinking has been skewed by commercials that we can “take this” or “drink this” and everything can be solved just by paying $19.95.

    When it comes to the physical-emotional connection…everything is so systemic. More like taking care of a garden than fixing a machine that is broken.

    With that said, water yourself frequently with the things that give you joy. I’ve read your blog. You spend a lot more time on the outgive than the intake. The emotional can’t fix the physical, but it can influence it.

    I’m sorry you are struggling with this…if there was a $19.95 fix…I’d send you the link.

    August 10, 2008 at 2:35 pm

  10. Take care of yourself, you are in my thoughts.

    August 10, 2008 at 5:37 pm

  11. I’m sorry. I hope it gets better soon. We have a love/hate relationship with epilepsy meds too.

    August 11, 2008 at 7:10 am

  12. Hope you doing ok – thinking of you. xx

    August 11, 2008 at 10:14 am

  13. Joanne E

    Hugs Mel! I’m on this new “wonder drug” that is like a poison while it works in. Vomiting every 5 or 10 minutes, allergic reaction – battling to breathe with it — but it is getting easier and already it has changed my life – I am able to walk again, am able to stand for a long time and even lift my hands in church which I could not do for a very long time.

    Strength to you.

    August 11, 2008 at 11:26 am

  14. Rebekah

    Many hugs!

    August 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm

  15. What a great post by Cathi H. I was diagnosed depressed with my third pregnancy and fought it all the way. I didn’t want to admit it but at the same time, I could finally get help for the behaviors that were hurting me. I write about it because many women think they are alone or making it up in their head. Especially when you have those days you can barely get out of bed or bring yourself to complete or even start a task–let alone parent children. Sorry you’re going through it. You seem to be a woman who likes to get things done so this must be extra difficult. Hopefully it will not last long and/or you can find a good way of relief.

    August 12, 2008 at 3:29 am

  16. You are showing courage by blogging about this. Many would hold it inside. I want you to know you are in my thoughts and I’m sending positive energy your way (:

    August 13, 2008 at 4:08 pm

  17. i think thats prolly the most frightening form of epilepsy.
    strongs mel…
    are happy pills not an option for you at all?

    August 14, 2008 at 7:33 am

  18. Wenchy

    I have been there… often and allot…. sorry baby… sorry.

    August 17, 2008 at 8:30 pm

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