From ashes to ashes
My grandfather is no more. Like the big black book says “From ashes to ashes”.
I was really sad today. I was more emotional and upset than I thought I would be. We all followed the pall-bearers as they carried my grandfather the coffin out. We all watched, in silence, as they drove away with the granddad we will never see again. There was not one person who didn’t have tears in their eyes.
The family and friends turned around to enjoy the cucumber and tomato sandwiches snacks that the sweet old ladies of the church makes. I kept to myself an eye on the boys.
My aunt came to me and asked why I looked so sad…and the thing is, I knew she was sad too. So was every other person there. Yet, they seemed to put that in their back pocket, put on a mask and enjoy the conversations. I could not. I could not have that experience, that last goodbye and then just go on again.
Nothing wrong with not being able to obviously. Just as there is nothing wrong with doing so. Losing my grandfather has hit me harder than I thought.