Super Mom

Hungry little girl

I have ALWAYS said that one day, I’ll adopt a little girl.  That’s my standard answer when someone asks me if we’ll try just one last time for a girl. 

Tonight while eating in our kitchen at Wimpy one of the waitresses asked that same question again.  I gave my standard answer.  We then continued talking about a friend of mine who might be adopting a little 6 year old girl.  We chatted for a while and then we left.

We were almost at the car when one of the waitresses came walking towards me and asked if she could quickly talk to me.  Immediate tears for her….I knew what was coming.

She’s a single mom.  Very VERY sweet girl.  I never even knew that she’s a mom.  She has a little girl that goes to sleep hungry many nights.  More tears.  She sometimes has to sleep at the creche’  because her mom works late hours like tonight.  She is desperately afraid of welfare taking her little girl.  Yet, she is realistic enough to know that she can’t keep on like this.

Wow.  Lots of tears from me.  I asked her what she would like me to do.  She cried cried and cried some more and asked me to give her daughter a home.  That she doesn’t want to give her away but she needs to give her a home.

Oh word.  More tears.  For that little girl with no stability or full tummy and for her mom with a heart full of love but empty wallet.

What do I do?  Do I get involved?  Put my heart out there and know that I’m just giving the little girl a home and stability but not a mom?  Can I do that?  Not be the mom?  Can I not get involved?  Just say ‘good luck with that’ and turn the other way?  That’s just not like me.

My heart is sore for that girl and her mom.

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18 responses

  1. Jodi

    Oh wow – does she want you to take her and keep her forever?? Or until she gets on her feet? That poor woman – to be so afraid for her daughter. What does Tommy say?

    December 4, 2008 at 10:03 pm

  2. jenty

    That poor lady 😦 I’m not sure how I would handle that

    December 4, 2008 at 11:24 pm

  3. Wenchy

    I don’t know if I could just walk away……

    Yes, what did Tommie say?

    December 5, 2008 at 12:01 am

  4. my3boysandi

    oh wow Mel

    what ever decide ill stand by you

    pray and yes Id find out how long and do it properly if necessary by courts

    praying for you

    December 5, 2008 at 12:04 am

  5. Wow…I don’t think I could just walk away from that. To be truthful, there have been so many times that I have prayed “Lord, just place another child in my arms. I don’t care how it happens. Leave a baby on my doorstep, let me hear of a pregnant teenager wanting to find a good home for a child, give me a sign that I should be a foster parent. It’s hard to want something so bad and know that you can’t ever have another child and can’t afford adoption. I think I would have said “yes” right there on the spot.

    I would say that the first thing you should do is get more info on the woman’s situation. Find out is what kind of support system this woman has….husband, boyfriend, parents, siblings? How would they feel if you were to take this woman’s child?

    I do agree with the poster above that if you and Tommy decide to do this, you must do it all legally and through the the courts to protect yourself and your children. Best of luck whatever you decide and please let us know how it turns out.

    December 5, 2008 at 4:57 am

  6. I would have to agree with the other posters. Taking someone into your home is a very kind and noble thing to do. For the boys sake, you have to make sure that you do things legally. You don’t want this woman deciding two months after you have her daughter adjusted that she wants her back. Just be careful. I will pray for you.

    December 5, 2008 at 7:54 am

  7. Susan Lee

    Oh wow Mel, how heartbreaking for that child & her mother.
    I don’t think I could walk away….
    Keeping you in my thoughts, please keep us updated.

    December 5, 2008 at 8:05 am

  8. Tara

    This is heartbreaking.
    Along with the others I have to say: if you decide to go for it – it could be the way to ‘your’ girl, make it legally watertight, so to speak. You have to protect your family- including yourself.
    Idon’t think I could walk away.
    Will keep you in my prayers. Blessed be.

    December 5, 2008 at 8:56 am

  9. Jax

    I would REALLY struggle to just walk away. What did Tommie say about it?

    December 5, 2008 at 8:58 am

  10. There are so many opportunities here, for guilt feelings. You’re a mom, of course your heart goes out to this woman. We all sit and imagine being in her shoes, and imagine the heart ache she must feel. There are thousands of people like her in this country – which makes this even sadder. If you really want to help, maybe contribute by finding a better creche for her to go to, or help the mom by helping her find a more regular ‘day job’. Of course you must do what your heart tells you to, but don’t forget to consult your head – and of course your family.

    On a sad depressing note, if you decide to do the whole legal adoption thing just remember that this will have far reaching consequences for her (the girl) too. Her own community will reject her for having been brought up by you.

    I’m not saying don’t help – of course not – who *could* turn away from a plea for help like that? Just use your head. Thinking of you.

    December 5, 2008 at 10:00 am

  11. mnda AND n

    Ja groot besluit. Vriende van Natalie het ;n baba seuntjie van weke oud by hulle as “foster parents” met die oog om hom aan te neem.
    Ek weet min mense in ons familie sal so wees maar die man se familie wil niks met die seuntjie te doen he nie want dis nie familie nie.
    Mens moet dit net reg doen. Ons het definitief baie meer om aan kinders te bied(geld en liefde) as baie ander mense, al voel ons baie keer so flippen arm.
    Sal moet die FRUSTRERENDE proses deugaan om die govament te gaan sien oor hoe mens dit wettig doen. EK dink persoonlik dis moeilik(soos met die vriende van natalie se geval) om kinders in die selfde dorp so aan te neem. Hoe verder weg hoe beter,.
    Maar ja, as jy dink watter verskil jy aan daardie klein dogtertjie se toekoms kan maak, is daar nie eers ‘n kwessie nie.

    December 5, 2008 at 11:44 am

  12. What an intense experience, i have no idea what i would do if it was us or advise i can give you.
    That poor mother, i can not imagine being in that position

    December 5, 2008 at 3:11 pm

  13. I’d battle to also walk away. But trust that at the end of the day you’ll make the right decision for your family first.
    What a position for the young mother to be in, I feel for her.

    December 5, 2008 at 3:29 pm

  14. oy mel… you’re braver than i am to even think about it!
    i reckon that if you really want to adopt- go through the “normal” channels…

    December 5, 2008 at 6:07 pm

  15. Mel,

    You are a very kind woman. I am apalled at what a lot of the posters on this blog have written. “Just walk away” are they crazy? You are doing the right thing to get involved. I am sure the Mom has thought about this a lot. And children need a place to be safe and food, for pete’s sake. What is wrong with people that they are afraid to feed a child?

    What does it mean when Ness says “her community will reject her”? What community? Doesn’t she belong to the human race? Wouldn’t these people feed a hungry dog in the street if they saw one, but they would turn their back on a woman and child in need?

    Oh I could go on and on. I live in a beautiful community, lots of big houses and great schools. Most of my neighbors have 4 or 5 bedrooms, and most of them only have 1 or 2 children. They have bedrooms that they never use, and food that they throw away…would any of them take a child in…probably not. It saddens me.

    When I look at my children, I think of Hebrews 13:2 “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” They were all strangers when they first came, and I am so blessed by them every day. God never promised us everything would be easy. He just promised us it would be worth it!

    December 12, 2008 at 8:32 am

  16. Hay

    Oh lord! What a challenge. Sounds a bit like fate bringing you together though..

    December 17, 2008 at 12:24 am

  17. Jeannie Colbert

    As I sit here and ponder what would be the best solution for this child & Mother.

    It really is very simple. The Mother loves her daughter and she needs help. I don’t believe it is about taking the child away, but instead help her get resources, donations from other people or organizations that can help her, feed her, clothe her, give her shelter. If we all put ourself in that position, we would understand the Mothers fear. So, the solution would be to help her get on her feet and put her in a postion to help her child. “What would Jesus do?

    March 5, 2009 at 2:01 am

  18. Jeannie Colbert

    One more thought. The child is in need, those needs can be met without taking her away from the Love she shares with her own Mother.We live in a time, that we all need to realize that “Love” is the greatest gift of all.

    March 5, 2009 at 2:04 am

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