Stay where you are
I do not think that I’ll ever be the same Ever again.
Since the very first time I looked into those blue eyes of Jason, I felt that he was just given to me to take care of for a short time. I have always convinced myself that it’s a ridiculous notion and that I must ignore that thought as much as possible.
Today I thought it was coming true. That I was right.
Today, Jason was lost. LOST. Lost for over 15 minutes. In a mall. A MALL during peak holiday time. With so many people that I cannot see past the person in front of me. I ran to every single shop we went in to before. We ran to look for him in the toilets. Shops we have not been to. We’ve asked shop owners if there is a central point where we can report him as missing. No little boy of mine
I could. not. breath. The tears were so close but I was holding them back because I needed to find my son.
At first I wasn’t too worried, since the boys wear ID tags, with our telephone numbers on. Then I realized that they took it off last night (which they are not allowed to do) and never put it back on. That’s when my chest closed up and my legs felt like it was going to collapse beneath me.
Our friend was the one to find him. In tears he stood with a security guard. He didn’t want Kolie to take him. He had to give him Jason’s name, surname, age, parent’s names. He walked with Kolie to us, where we had to fill in a form with our details.
I don’t think I have ever held him that tight. I broke down and cried. We hugged each other so tight that we became one.
On the way back home I realized just how easily I could have lost him. That’s when I started feeling so guilty because I am the mom. I am the one who must protect him, look after him and make sure he doesn’t get lost. He went back and looked for me when he noticed he wasn’t with us. Where he last saw me. Not his dad or brothers. But me. I’m the one he trusts to be there and I was not.
Thank God my little boy is here. With me. Clinging to me.