Super Mom

Expecting the impossible

Someone just sent me an e-mail and it was a ‘wow moment’ when I read that.  Who knows why, since it is darn obvious but still…it took a single e-mail.

I expect very little from my husband.  I’m willing to give a lot and not expect much in return.  Not that he doesn’t give in return but I don’t expect him to.

I expect much from the father of my children though.  I expect him to be the kind of parent I am.  I expect him to be the kind of father my dad is.  I expect so much of him but I don’t tell him what my expectations are.  I don’t give him the tools.  I just have these unwritten expectations.

Oh I know how to tell him when I’m not happy with how he has reacted but does that really help?  That is after the fact.  When it has been said and done. 

Women grow up with dolls in their arms.  We read pregnancy and baby books before we even fall pregnant.  We have a better chance at being a good parent, since we prepare for it.  Long before we consciously know we are doing so.

Men don’t.  They don’t ever prepare for being a father.  It just happens.  And then they don’t know what to do.  No father magazine (not sure if they wouldn’t read it though!)

I must make a point of telling what I need for him to do.  What I think our children need from him. 

Maybe if he knew what to do, he would.


5 responses

  1. Addie

    I also compare my hubby alot to how my father is … but I don’t think that its expecting the impossible. But it does help to talk. I remember in the beginning hubby had no input into the children’s school things until one day I told him how important and significant it would be if he made time to help with the homework … today, daddy is the professional at doing homework.

    Strongs, Mel and lots of hugs!!!

    September 21, 2009 at 7:44 pm

  2. There is a Dilbert comic that says, “I ask for so little…and BOY do I get it!”

    Sometimes I think I ask too much, and other times I’m flabbergasted by how little seems to be coming my way, then I question, whether or not I asked for it. I used to get SO pissed off whenever my hubby just buggered off to go and play golf whenever it suited him. So I told him, it bugged me. It took over 2 years, but he eventually evaluated what I said, and stopped doing it. I didn’t want him to stop altogether, just consider me once in awhile, but he was thankfully able to see that his actions were having a negative effect on everyone.

    Then I hear of someone else, who goes by the motto “Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” – in terms of her husband, and my donder – maar die vrou kry alles wat sy nog ooit wou gehad het. The man fawns over her, spoils her rotten, and it’s mind boggling. So sometimes I think putting your foot down is good. But, as always, I suppose learning to play the game is where it’s at.

    September 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm

  3. I often compare my hubby to my dad and they are NOTHING alike! I stay with my dad on weekends now and he is SO different. I dont scrub pots, or cut meat or anything. He does everything for me…unlike my hubby. Even with thier “fathering” techniques – cant compare and even me talking doesnt help

    September 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm

  4. Hay

    Very true. I always expect hubby to know what I need, and get angry when he doesn’t. It helps to understand it’s not natural for them. Hope it all works out for you guys!

    September 21, 2009 at 10:46 pm

  5. Jennyklass

    This is so true, men just have no sense when it comes to kids, hope this new stratigic way works for you, if not the ocassional electric shock should work LOL

    September 22, 2009 at 10:25 am

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