Super Mom

Should I, or not?

I have had it up to here (ha like you can see where) with my father-in-law.  I am sick and tired of how he treats my husband.  I think he forgets that Tommie was not born to be his slave. 

I’m sick of how he shouts at my husband.  In front of the kids as well.  What kind of respect can they have for their father is this is the way he treats their dad?  He shouts at my husband in front of me.  I have had it.  Can you imagine how he treats him when we are not around?

My husband is a person for heaven’s sake.  Tommie is his SON!  Is he not proud of him?  Can he not show love?  Can he not appreciate the son he has?

Do I have the right to talk to my father-in-law about this?  I think I must.  I have kept my mouth shut long enough now.  His behaviour towards my husband is unacceptable and it influences our relationship.  It influences Tommie’s relationship with the boys.

I have had enough of Tommie getting home in a bad bad place because of his father!  His very own father.

Now, I just don’t know if it’s fair towards Tommie to take this up with his father.

I just know that the next time I witness that kind of behaviour, I will not be able to keep my mouth shut.  Maybe talking before I’m upset as well, will be better for all involved.


12 responses

  1. I do think you should talk to your father in law and before another show down with your hubby occurs! But be warned it may get ugly…. I had to confront my mom in law on something…. we ended up having a screaming match over the phone…. and then we didn’t talk for 4 months! I had to make the first call to repair things too!!! A positive thing did come out of it, Mom-in-law realizes that hubby and I are a team and she cannot come between us anymore. So perhaps you and Hubby should both go and speak to father in law together.

    October 28, 2009 at 4:11 pm

  2. Leon

    Yes you can, and should.
    Only advice I can give is to talk to his dad in private. You don’t want to get into a shouting match in front of the kids and hubby.
    If it were me, I’d exclude hubby from the confrontation as well. It could be embarrassing for him. But speak to hubby about it, maybe he wants to be present.
    Good luck!

    October 29, 2009 at 9:25 am

  3. JennyKlass

    Wishing you luck, not an easy one this…

    October 29, 2009 at 10:08 am

    • Sjoe – there are so many factors to consider. I am just thinking about it as if I was in your shoes…

      is it really going to change things?
      will it emascualate your man?

      I think its absolutely unforgivable that your fil carries on like this IN FRONT of you and the kids. THAT I would definitely talk to him about. Its completely unacceptable.

      His relationship with his son (your man) is another storie. I think that is best left to them to sort out. Perhaps Tommie could take him out for a drink and explain to him in a calm manner the way it makes him feel when his dad treats him like this?

      Ag, this is such a personal thing – just my thoughts as they fall on the page! Good luck Mel. Moeilik.

      October 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm

      • Ja, this is not an easy one. I like the idea of just telling him I don’t appreciate him talking to Tommie like that in front of the kids. Maybe that will be enough to just plant a little seed? Ai, in-laws are bad enough but to have someone treat your husband like that, makes it even worse!

        October 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm

  4. The interesting thing is that if his dad has treated him like this all the time, it would be so easy for Tommie to be like this to his own sons. Gives you perspective on parenting behavior. As an adult, I can’t imagine how belittling it would be for a man to be treated like that by his own father.

    I’d be tempted to take the man aside and ask him, “do you love your son?” If/when he answered yes or of course, I’d ask the other question, “then why would you treat him as if he is the enemy?” And then I might add, “please don’t ever treat my husband this way, especially in front of my own boys. They want to believe the best about you and that you love them and their dad.”

    Just my thoughts.

    October 29, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    • Mmm…I like that.

      > —–Original Message—– >

      October 29, 2009 at 6:35 pm

  5. It explains very well the way Tommie acts, does it not?

    Ek dink jy sal maar met die pa moet praat… so oor koeksusters en so.

    October 30, 2009 at 11:08 am

    • That’s the truth ne’. Still, he has to change, or else the cycle will continue

      October 30, 2009 at 12:59 pm

  6. Good luck. Hope that you manage to make a change to his behaviour.

    November 1, 2009 at 10:50 pm

  7. Panni

    What a very difficult situation. It is absolutely not acceptable that he treats his son this way, especially infront of others and even worse infront of his family. I personally would not keep quiet. But I am not in your shoes, so it is easy to speak.

    I do agree with you though that your hubby needs to make the decision to break the cycle that has most probably been passed down through many generations.


    November 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm

  8. Oy… talk about being between a rock and a hard place!

    November 3, 2009 at 9:56 pm

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