YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:
Ø You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer
Ø You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
Ø You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
Ø You can count the national soccer team’s scores with no fingers
Ø To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
Ø Hijacking cars is a profession
Ø You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
Ø The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
Ø More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
Ø People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Patience, Precious, Innocence and Given
Ø “Now now” can mean anything from a minute to a month
Ø You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
Ø Travelling at 120 km/h you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway
Ø You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
Ø A bullet train is being introduced, but we can’t fix potholes
Ø The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
Ø You paint your car’s registration on the roof
Ø You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
Ø You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
Ø Prisoners go on strike
Ø You don’t stop at a red traffic light in case somebody hijacks your car
Ø You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
Ø Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
Ø When 2 Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans programme, and a Pedi ad
Ø The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
Ø The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just
Ø You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
Ø You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”
Ø You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any
Ø You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
Ø You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Madela
Ø You go to “braais” (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors
(long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously
Ø You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State
Ø You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
Ø Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
Ø You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
Ø You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.
Ø Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
Ø You’re considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone (without car kit), change CDs,
drink a beer, put on make-up, re ad the newspaper and smoke,
all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.
Ø Great accent. (!!!)
Ø If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the
most dangerous city in the world.
Ø Burglar bars become a feature , and a great selling point for your house.
Ø You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
Ø The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called.
The police you have to call about three times.
Ø Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
Ø Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too high.
Ø The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you’ve just reported.
Ø A murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years.
Ø The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
Ø The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled
Ø Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!
Ø Condoms for free – shopping plastic bags for sale