Super Mom

I’m petrified

I’m not a politician.  I don’t care about politics.

I’m a mom.  A woman.

From the very day my three little boys were born, I had a duty to protect them.  A duty to protect myself.  Every child needs a mother.

I feel I can’t do that any more.

I go to bed at night petrified.

I wake up thankful that I’m alive but petrified of what lies ahead.

I am afraid of being woken up at night, with someone standing next to my bed.

I’m afraid of my children having to see me get raped.

I’m afraid of my children – children who have nothing to do with apartheid – being murder.

When I watch news, I’m petrified.

When I see how our ruling party’s youth league leader speaks and acts, I’m petrified.

When I see his hate for white people, I’m petrified.

When I listen to the way he speaks to international press, I’m petrified.

When he says that land reform in Zimbabwe was a success and the militant way it was handled was correct, I’m petrified.

When young children get raped and murdered, I’m petrified.

When the first 3 pages of newspaper every single day are covered in articles of murder and rape, I’m petrified.

I am petrified.

I’m a mother and I am petrified.

I don’t want to be here.

I love this country.  I love all it’s good people.  I love the cultures.  I love our scenery.  I love our weather.  I love this country.  My country.

I don’t want to be here.

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11 responses

  1. twistygirl

    I am very happy that I don’t have children, because with Julius alowed to run around and do what he does is just frightening and does not say much for the future of SA.

    April 9, 2010 at 12:27 pm

  2. Gen

    I know that feeling Mel. Have been woken up with someone standing next to my bed……was petrified for a very long time. Gave up alot but now we not petrified anymore…………….Good Luck and Stay SAFE! I am petrified for our loved ones that still live there……..YOU SHOULD ALL MOVE TO AUS….

    April 9, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    • If I could find a job for Tommie, I would be on a plane tomorrow!

      -original message- Subject: [Super Mom …. or not] Comment: “I’m petrified”

      April 9, 2010 at 5:48 pm

  3. Elize

    A friend of dad’s was killed in a higjacking. I had to tell him.
    even though i was a coward by leaving, I still worry for the people left behind.

    They have to live the hell every day.

    April 9, 2010 at 3:46 pm

  4. Addie

    I am more angry then petrified … so angry, but what’s the use!!!!! I wonder WHERE it will end.

    I have a brother that lives in Aus, and a sister and her family who’s working hard at moving there too, but I have no desire to leave here …

    I totally understand how you feel, Mel.

    April 9, 2010 at 5:27 pm

  5. I am with Addie – I have more anger and frustration.

    I do feel the fear though but I want to be here. I wont lie – we have spoken about a “worse case scenario” but for now I am here and I am happy!

    ((HUGS))

    April 9, 2010 at 6:19 pm

  6. Elizabeth

    CAnnot even imagine. You are in my prayers.

    April 10, 2010 at 12:48 am

  7. jen

    praying for you

    April 10, 2010 at 1:55 am

  8. We have the same brain right now Mel. Remember, with your qualifications you could walk into Aus. No harm in applying.

    April 10, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    • The thing is that Tommie won’t and he doens’t want to leave. He doesn’t want to leave and be dependent on me! 😦

      April 11, 2010 at 12:31 pm

  9. Oh I know how you feel and I would lie if we have not talked about this too. But we have friends that went and came back, friends that went and are happy and family who are now being blamed by their teenagers for taking them out of SA. It is such a tough one.

    April 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

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