Was the time right?
Today I let the boys swim.
Not for the first time in our pool, since our maid’s son drowned but for the first time with her here.
For 2 months after his death, I didn’t want the boys to swim in our pool at all. After that, I let them swim but only when she wasn’t home.
Now it’s December holiday. It’s hot. I leave work early. They have friends over. They want to swim.
I can’t keep on saying that they can only swim from 5 pm. It’s not fair to punish them for something that they weren’t responsible for. It’s not right that they have to tell their friends they can’t swim. They can’t swim until after Prudence leaves, which will be just before their parents come to pick them up.
On the other hand, I do understand that this is upsetting for Prudence. I do understand that it is opening wounds. I get that and I wish I could protect her from further pain. Heck, I wish it never happened. That she still had her son. I wish this was not an issue.
When is it okay, when has enough time passed before I can tell the boys to enjoy their pool, whenever they want to. For her I suppose never but I can’t forever tell them not to swim when she is here.
She came into my room this morning and apologized. She said that she wasn’t willing to see my point of view (or that of the boys) and she gets that they have the right to swim.
I explained to her that maybe in time, as she hears them enjoy themselves, she will start to also associate the pool with good things. I hope?
Anyway, I’m glad we could talk about it. Yesterday she wasn’t willing to discuss it at all. I couldn’t even sleep last night.