It hurts when you can’t protect
As a mother, one of the hardest things for me is when I can’t protect my child. When I can comfort but I know I can’t take the pain away.
I’ve mentioned that Zander thought he was going to ‘big’ school this year (we never said that, he somehow just thought he would). When we spoke about school and him going back, he wasn’t very happy. Especially when he realized all his friends have now gone on to ‘big’ school (or one to another school)
I tried to still make it sound exciting. Told him how he will now be the big boy and he has to help the little ones settle and get used to not being with their Mommies. He warmed up to the idea some.
Then when I picked him up this afternoon and asked him how his day was, he said it wasn’t nice. Nobody wanted to play with him. I felt so sad for him.
Then his little lip started to quiver and he said that the one friend from school we invited for his birthday, didn’t want to come. I said that he was coming, I just spoke to his mom outside school and that maybe he just thought his mom said he couldn’t come. He said no, he doesn’t want to.
Oh man. My heart broke into a million pieces, while trying to keep his together.
Then he said “Maybe if I didn’t have so many mosquito bites, the other kids would want to play with me”
I felt so upset for him. Yes, we have many mosquitos but he doesn’t have that many bites. Not that you look at him and really see them.
I think he was just trying to think of a reason why they aren’t playing with him.
I feel so so sad that I have to take him back when he feels like that. I feel so sad for him that the one little boy from school that he invited doesn’t want to go to his birthday. The one day that is his day. His special day