This has been bothering me for a while. Telling a cancer patient to be positive. Be positive that you will get violently sick? Be positive that you will be constantly nauseous? Be positive that you will have a headache that no pill helps for? Be positive that you lose feeling in your fingers, which makes working difficult? Be positive that you will be so tired that waking up and staying awake feels impossible? Be positive that you have had surgery that leaves you feeling less than a woman? Be positive that you will lose your hair? That same hair that YOU spend so much time on washing and styling? The hair that makes you want to hide at home when you have a bad hair day?
All that must make a cancer patient feel positive?
Do you sit back and think how much pressure you put on a cancer patient when you say that? It makes it difficult for a cancer patient to admit that she is having a tough day. That she is not feeling so good. It makes that patient feel she has to smile so that no-one tells her to be positive. Even healthy people feel down some days right?
I can tell you that I appreciate it when someone says I am so positive. I am. I mostly feel this is a page in my book and not even worthy of a chapter. I have days where I feel it is a separate book though. I story on it’s own. Where I’m strong, fearful, thankful, angry … all at the same time.
This “be positive” thing didn’t bother me so much when it was just me. Now it’s my mom though. My mom having to go through what I’m going through. My mom having to get chemo to fight a horrible disease. Not flu. Not bronchitis or a broken leg. Cancer. Cancer where you feel so darn well but then end up making yourself sick by going for chemo. No, I don’t expect her to feel positive.
Yes, I get where everyone is coming from. It is always from a good and caring place. Should I see my mom lying in bed for days on end because emotionally she can’t cope, I will get a professional person to help her. I would not tell her to feel positive. I would tell her to be strong.
Yes, being positive makes it easier to cope. It does! If I had to sit in a corner and cry it would kill my kids. It would hurt my parents and Tommie. It would not be good for our family. It would make working difficult and generally life would suck. I know this is why people tell you to be positive. I get that. Please don’t think that I’m not thankful. Again, I know it comes from such a good and caring place.
Just sit back and think how it affects a cancer patient though. Someone who normally does feel positive and thankful for what they have and how “healthy” they actually are. It makes it so difficult to admit that some days are just really crap. That emotionally it feels too much.
I am thankful. Hugely thankful. It could have been so much worse.
Today though, today feels crap. I didn’t want my mom to go through this. I’m proud of her for choosing to give herself every possible chance there is to fight this. She is one strong woman. It’s okay when she’s not as well.
I’m not a hero. Just a normal person, fighting for my life.
I recently found this letter from my grandfather while looking for something else.
His handwriting. His words … and he is no longer here.
I read his letter and my heart ached. We did phone. We took him out for breakfast when we passed through Pietersburg on our way to Louis Trichardt.
We did not phone enough.
I read those words and how he mentioned how much a phone call meant.
I did not phone enough.
Maybe I’m older (I definitely not have more time now) but I realize that a call every now and then was not enough. I should have called more often, with random news even if the phone call was for less than a minute.
I did not phone enough.
He must have been so lonely. I cannot actually imagine a man spending so much time to write a letter. He wrote a letter to all the family members.
I did not phone enough.
I try to make up for that mistake by getting the boys to phone their grandfather every Sunday. (Not my parents because they SEE them every day) They should phone their grandmother as well come to think of it.
Make those phone calls. It takes a minute. Phone while waiting to pick up your child from school or waiting for them to finish sport. Just phone. It must make such a difference to them and it is such a small thing for us.
Make that call.
I wish I had phoned more.
Look, I’m not a perfect driver. I never go over the speed limit.
I am thankful that I don’t live in a big city though. I have a total of 3,3 km to drive from my house, drop the kids at school and to work.
Not a long way to go. Still I get upset most mornings. I even take the quieter roads, just to miss those who apparently got their licenses illegally. I’m not just talking taxi-drivers though. Actually not at all. We all know they don’t obey the traffic rules.
I’m talking about those who think that stop streets are either not for them or only to be seen as yield sign.
People who has never learned to use their indicator. Maybe the new cars don’t come out with one fitted or only once you have paid off your car you are allowed to get one? I’m assuming since it’s normally those who don’t use them.
I wonder why the same people stop at red lights? What’s the difference? Or can’t they read? Don’t understand “S.T.O.P.” but can understand a red light?
Who knows but thank goodness I don’t live in a big city. It would not be good for my blood pressure.
Not saying these drivers are bad people, since mostly obviously they are not. It’s just my pet peeve I suppose.
So if you see me like this, sorry. Maybe just stop or use your indicator and I will smile and wave.
I have three sons and one daughter and every time I see something like this, my blood boils.
“I’m not allowed to date ever”
Or photos of a Dad standing with his gun as his daughter gets ready for her date.
How uninformed those parents are. Trust me when I say that the boys aren’t always the problem. Most often the girls want more than the boys are willing to give. Especially when the boys are raised well.
Girls tend to break hearts just as easily as boys.
If it’s about sex or sexuality well then wake-up call to dad’s of girls. They are just as willing or wanting as boys. When they are in younger grades, then more so.
Don’t threaten my son. At all. He has been raised to treat a girl / woman with the utmost respect. I hope your daughter was raised to do the same.
Same with my daughter. She will respect herself and men as long as they do the same. Put down your gun and raise your child. Teach her to stand up for herself and to chose a man that will protect her and not hurt her.
Cricket has never been the same since Hansie. Don’t get me wrong. I loved Hansie. I still think he is one of the very best captains we ever had. It’s just that now I always wonder. Was the game lost or sold.
I was going to take Jason to watch the Protea / New Zealand game two weeks ago but very unplanned went away for the week. I asked their back-up Dad to take him and his friend. It was hot. It was a long day.
And we lost spectacularly.
In front of a fully packed stadium, the Proteas could not have played worse.
How do you win one, lose the next horribly and then win the third again.
That is okay though. I don’t mind spending close to a thousand rand on tickets and then watch them loose. I don’t.
I do mind more though if they don’t give signatures or a second of the time to the children who are the reason we spend thousands of rands to watch the games.
New Zealand actually spoke to the kids. Gave out signatures. Nice people that.
Proteas? Maybe half of them were half proper. They told the kids to wait until after the game, when they will come out again to talk them and give signatures.
Oh yes. They did. Not more than five of them.
I want to bring one thing under the attention of all professional sports players. You earn as much money as you do because you have fans that are willing to spend money to watch you play. Without those fans you will just be a club player, doing it for fun.
Don’t fool yourself. You are not above human. Take the time. Thank the kids for coming out and supporting their heros.
Dale, you rock btw.
Is it a South African thing? The need to blame someone. Anyone.
My dad posted a photo of a storm drain. All the slabs are broken. My dad has reported this to the municipality many times and posted a photo showing that it is still broken.
Oh soul. Some guy jumped up and down and basically told my dad that he is the idiot who should have fixed it and not complained about it. HUH?
Why on earth put the blame on my dad? It is not his responsibility. It is however his right to complain or make people aware of the fact. He pays his tax.
Said guy does not agree. He says that one should just do it yourself. No he demands that one does.
Really? Who will take responsibility if something goes wrong after it was fixed by someone other than the municipality?
Anyway, it’s not just this situation. It just got me thinking again. People tend to get upset with the wrong people.
When people feel that they will get nowhere with blaming the cause of the problem, they want to blame someone else.
That is the current question many parents have been thinking about. The department of education is considering giving condoms to all children older than 10.
Now look, I understand where they are coming from. I get why they want to do this but I am not impressed with the idea.
I have actually not read the detail but from what I can gather, they want to give condoms to all the kids.
Why not just make it available? Why give them something that will spark their interest to use it. It’s like giving a child drugs to explain what it does.
Stupid idea. It is my responsibility to talk to my kids about sex. My boys know all about condoms. (Except Zander who is still too young) They don’t need to get one to “play” with.
When I get a sachet of coffee for free, I drink coffee. What do they think the kids will do with condoms?