Oh 2018, if you were a human I would tell you to fuck off. Not good to see you go. Not bye. Just fuck off.
It has been, without a doubt, the toughest year of my life.
My poor body. What a fight it had to fight to make it to the end of this year. Rounds and rounds of chemo, chemo allergy, hospitalization, blood thinner injections, blood tests, sonars, xrays, MRI, radiations, operations, burns… The list is longer than I wish to remember. It was no walk in the park and in all honesty it is still not. My breast still hurts, my legs are in constant pain (sometimes agony) and my feet are permanently sore. All thanks to the side effects of my last chemo.
Emotionally I’m not in a good place. I’ve had some serious parenting downs and after finishing my cancer treatment I’ve been emotional. I don’t know why, I just am.
I’ve come to realize that people I thought would be there for me, would not. They did not support me in the way I deserved and they should have.
There were obviously some good times and good people who came into my life. For that I am thankful. I’m still alive and in remission (as is my mom) and for that I’m hugely thankful. I have a special, very honest and open relationship with my children. Different from most parents I think and for that I’m thankful.
2018… Off you will fuck.
I could say it was a crap year because let’s face it, it wasn’t perfect.
However it wasn’t all bad and that’s what I prefer to focus on. Bad things tend to bring people together. I connected with family that I haven’t really spoken to in years. I got to see my soul mate for the first time in years. My relationship with Tommie is better than it has been for a long time. I have received such special care and love from family and friends. My children have always been helpful but now they have stepped up in an awesome way.
Cancer has taken a lot but has also given appreciation, love and thankfulness. I am still here. I still get to say, I love you.
This year has not just been about cancer though.
Quintus and his 1st hockey team did exceptionally well, making it through to the north west finals. Jason and Zander has impressed me at every gala. The hard work they put in is something I appreciate. Kyla enjoyed her hockey season and seems to enjoy swimming now as well. School has gone well. Good friendships were made. My children are happy and proper and for that I am thankful.
I have amazing parents that have walked every step of my cancer journey with me, even with my mom having been diagnosed with cancer as well. Come to think of this, I am thankful that my cancer helped with early diagnosis of my mom’s cancer.
I am hugely thankful that my Bella is still with us.
Many things to be thankful for. It has not been a bad year. We are still blessed and together.
Happy new year to all my friends and family.
If you know me well, you will know that I don’t like going to a doctor. I mostly don’t see the point. More often than not I know what the problem is and get the necessary medication from our pharmacist. Don’t get me wrong, I like our doctor. I could never see myself going to anyone else. I just don’t like doctors in general.
I’ve been on high blood pressure pills before. Just as much as I don’t like doctors, I don’t like pills either. I drink epilepsy meds every single day and would never stop that. However, I did stop the blood pressure pills.
For the past couple of weeks I have felt as though my blood pressure might be high but didn’t worry about testing it.
Until last week Wednesday. I had a horrible headache, my lips and eyes felt like they were on fire. I knew this wasn’t one of my normal headaches. I asked my Dad to take my blood pressure and it was high. I even fell asleep that afternoon and I have to be very sick before I sleep during the day. Next morning it was still high and I
was forced went to the doctor.
In the mean time I sommer took my dad’s blood pressure pills.
Don’t judge lol
So, back to my doctor. He took my blood pressure and said I should continue with the same medication as my dad takes. (I knew that)
He asked about my general health and my mom mentioned my bad back and constant ear problems.
He checked my ears and again said that I’m any ENT’s worst nightmare with my chronic ear infection. I asked what could be done about this and he said that he feels really sorry for me but there is nothing one can do. I even asked if I could have the nerves severed so that I have no feeling. Yes, that is how bad the constant pain is. He said it’s possible but he wouldn’t advice me to do it lol I did explain that if they find me with my ear cut off, it has nothing to do with Van Gogh or anything.
He asked about my back…blah blah blah…reminded him of the disc that is non-proper and he mentioned that the only other option except surgery is to lose weight and strengthen the core muscles.
My mom asked him if we could change my epilepsy medication since that is the cause of my weigh gain.
Especially since I eat less than my very thin Mom. Ag shame…he just looked defeated and said no. He knows that it causes weight gain but there is nothing else that I can use.
Lovely. Nothing can be done about the ears, back and epilepsy pills will make me pick up weight since I’m allergic to all others.
BTW next time you see an over-weight person, don’t necessarily think it’s because they eat too much.
Why am I posting this? So that next time I’m gatvol with my body, I know I have a reason lol Or just to keep record or to get it off my chest.
At the very tender age of 37 I have now realized it is not that difficult to be organized! Who knew?! You know those things called diary? It works!
My mom got me one for Christmas and wow…it works lol I just couldn’t see the point of one before, since I have a computer, laptop, Samsung tablet and Samsung phone….why would I need a diary that I actually have to write in!?
Apparently I do. I use it just for the kids’ stuff and my own. Nothing work related and I feel in charge of my life again.
Simple, just a book.
Grade 4 is going much better than Jason expected. I’m so happy for him. He was very worried but has said that he loves Grade 4 every day since going back to school.
Zander has adjusted so well. He has made friends already and he is actually playing at his friends’ house at the moment.
I had my cholesterol tested today. I have been wanting to do that for ages but I
was too scared haven’t gotten around to doing it. Years ago my cholesterol was extremely high but I never did go to the doctor to get medicine. Well, pleasantly surprised I was! It is a tad higher than normal but nothing to be worried about! Winner.
I finally made an appointment for my hand. The previous operation was all but a success. Let’s hope this doctor can help. Also have an appointment with an ENT in Pretoria that will hopefully finally sort out these ears of mine.
Now just to find a good doctor for Quintus and I’m good to go!