Hi, it’s me
It feels as though I should introduce myself, my life and my many children.
2020 sucks. Too many people losing their jobs. So much heartbreak around us. I lost my sweet little Bella to cancer after all she went through. I miss her when I wake up, I miss her when I go to sleep.
I had an operation two weeks ago to remove a growth in my throat 11x7x5 cm. Rather big BUT benign so that is all that matters. Since it is lockdown we couldn’t have any visitors. I was so lucky to have had an old school friend in the bed next to me. She took such great care of me.
Zander had an operation on his toes. They had to loosen the ligaments and scratch away bone so that his toes could straighten out. I did force my way into the hospital when he wanted to home and they refused. Don’t mess with a Mom. Four weeks later and he is still in pain.
Financially it is tough. I’m not going to lie. I would not have made it without my parents.
Kyla is now homeschooling as well. We just couldn’t with the Department of Education anymore. No plans at all as to when school would open but the children were getting behind by the day. So many a child at home now. Even Jason’s friend Armando is here to school most days.
I actually missed blogging. I should do it more often.
So much to say but …
So much has happened since my last blog post(s). I’ve had so much to say but yet no words to do so.
I’ve been admitted to hospital twice.
Once with chest pains. My blood levels for blood clots were very high and I was treated for that as well as a lung infection. I had a CT scan done (for blood clots) and thankfully no blood clots were detected. However, the did see a 8 cm growth in my throat. I had a biopsy done and I was so scared. The biopsy I had for my breast cancer was definitely up there with one of the most painful things ever and I did not look forward to having one done in my throat! However it wasn’t too bad and they didn’t find any cancer cells! The doctor is still worried though and it will be removed between finishing my chemo and starting radiation.
I was then admitted two weeks later because it seems I’m allergic to the chemo. I got four sessions of AC chemo, which was fine and then I would have had 12 sessions Taxol. Halfway through the Taxol treatment, I got the worst rash. It actually started after about three sessions but got progressively worse. After the 6th treatment, my hands were so swollen and covered with painful red blisters and marks. I was to be admitted for a week but thanks to the needle that pulled out of the port and me having to go to a different hospital to have it fixed, my oncologist decided I could get my medication at oncology throughout the day. That way I could sleep at home, which is WAY better. My mom was also in hospital that same week and I spent my days between her and oncology. Thankfully at the same hospital. Even though I walked around with a needle inserted to my port for the rest of that week, I had no problems with it. HUGELY thankful because I would have hated getting IV treatments three times a day. Getting poked to access the port is no fun either. That would definitely count as my worst week yet. I was tired, couldn’t sleep. It was just bad all around.
Tomorrow I start on a different chemo. One we hope I won’t be allergic to. Instead of 6 more sessions (which would be 6 weeks), I will still have a six-week treatment cycle but only two chemo sessions. They prefer not to give this to patients, as it is hectic on the body. I’m not looking forward to it but I do hope that my body will cope with it as it has with the previous two. Okay, except for the allergy thing. I’ve been doing okay really.
I feel like I have going through life on auto-pilot. Not really thinking about what I’m going through and how it is affecting my life and those around me. I fear the day that it will all hit me. When I truly realize that I actually have cancer and I’m fighting a horrible disease. I’ve not been angry, upset, depressed. Just taking it day by day. It could be because I have such great support. I could never thank my parents enough. Even though my mom is going through this as well, she has been tremendous support. My father…I could not put into words what he has done and how much he has taken on since our cancer diagnoses. He is an angel in disguise. I could NEVER thank my children enough. They have been my rock.
Here’s to hoping that tomorrow will go well. Second last one then!
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” – Ambrose Redmoon
Chemo port
I was very unsure if this was the route I wanted to go. My cousin who has just finished her chemo advised me against it. I Googled, read up, spoke to family and friends and eventually decided to get chemo port.
Firstly when I went for one of my tests the doctor mentioned that she would have to look for a vein. Mine tends to hide. Then during a visit with my oncologist I saw a lady get chemo through her port and how quick and easy it was. So decision was made.
I feel I am doing what I can to make this road a little easier. Cancer a tough, horrible thing to go through. If a port can make it a bit easier, I am all for it.
Nasty fall
Sorry if you were on the road and saw two white vehicles way over the speed limit. It was us.
After getting a heart-stopping call from my mom with her crying and screaming that she was in, we didn’t know if she was being attacked or fell or cut herself or bleeding to death. We did not know.
We had to get there immediately. That’s all we knew. (I beat Tommie BTW)
It took us two minutes.
My poor mom fell in the bathroom and hit her head against the corner of the wall. Fell on her elbow as well. Stitches in her head and elbow and sore all over.
I’m just glad it wasn’t too serious.
Glad she is okay.
Stressful week
This week has been hectic to say the least.
Tuesday Zander went in for his operation. Even though he was so unhappy about having to go, he is doing so well now. He has not complained about pain once. Taking it all as just one of those things. I am very proud of him.
Then however he got a rash. Didn’t bother me at first since it looked like an allergy. It got worse though and looked more and more like German Measles. Now that in itself is not a problem but my brother’s wife is pregnant and has seen Zander since he has had the rash. I would be devastated if she got German measles from him!! I can’t remember when last I stressed that much. Just the thought of what could go wrong. I took him to TWO doctors who both said it is an allergy. In the end my SIL also said that is immune to the virus. Oh my soul. That morning was horrible.
That was also on the same day Tommie went in to hospital to have skin cancer removed. Thankfully that went well. He is sore but the doctor is happy that he got everything out.
I have had to catch up on a lot of things at work. I was also alone in the office, with my dad working in Louis Trichardt.
I have also been really sick and in a lot of pain thank to the meds I took for an allergy.
I am glad we survived this week…hectic.
Now I just need to do Christmas shopping……
Little feet again
We had Zander’s toes done in June this year. He was such a champ. Never complained once. Didn’t get upset because he needed surgery. Never complained about not being able to walk properly. He was fine.
However, the doctor only did 6 of the 8 toes. He came out of theatre then already and said that maybe he should have done all 8. Well, he should have, so we had to go back today to do the other two.
He was so unhappy about it. Didn’t cry but I could see from the look on his face that he was very unhappy.
Thankfully we got brilliant service at the hospital. They treated him so well. He handled it well again.
He is such a trooper.
Good and bad
Yesterday I had an operation to fix something on my hand that I hurt when playing with our Labrador.
Clearly she is stronger than me.
Of course it would be my right hand and interesting to see the spelling mistakes i make now while swiping on the phone. One of the choir member’s mom thought i was being very ruse lol
it also has its ups. I was pulled over by a traffic cop. I was doing my best to find my drivers licence and he felt sorry for me and let me go. Not even picking up that I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt (I normally do but man what a pain with only one hand)
I have come to realize that out Labrador is stronger than me without a doubt lol
Strong little boy
He had the operation on Tuesday.
Today is Friday. He had complained about pain once. He is now walking as though he never had an operation and there are no stitches under his toes.
All men can learn a lesson from him!
He is the best patient.
Same operation….. Different doctor
Just over six months ago, I had carpal tunnel surgery. Nothing big.
However, if the doctor messes up it tends to become a big problem! I had constant pain after the operation and could hardly use my hand. I had very little power in my hand and my writing sucked! My wrist felt stiff. My hand would even get tired and sore if I took photos!
I went to see a specialist, who needed to operate again. First though, I needed a reference from the GP and he would not give me one! Can you believe that!? He said that he doesn’t see why I have to see a specialist. Urgh!
A
Anyway, the specialist operated on Tuesday. Already my hand is better. I have more movement in my fingers than before the operation. I remember after the first one, I couldn’t move my fingers at all, for weeks.
I was nervous about having it done again but now I am so glad I did. I cant wait for my hand to be 100% again.
Surgery
I’m having somewhat unexpected surgery on Wednesday. I’ve been battling to keep a grip on things – literally. Things would just fall out of my hand.
It wasn’t even why I went to see the doctor! I went because I’m worried about Jason (more on that later). Also to get antibiotics for my ears . . . again.
However, my friends and Tommie have been nagging me to see the doctor about it, so I thought I’d mention it to him.
So I’m having carpal tunnel surgery. I could think of better things to do….
My Bella
I have just left my Bella at the hospital. Doggie hospital that is.
She has broken her back 😦 😦
I don’t know what or how but she is in so much pain.
She is also in good hands though. We had to take her to a Vet 2 hours from home.
We got SUCH good serice and they treated her with such love.
The operation should happen within the hour. They say due to the fact that we got her there so soon after this happening, she has a 80 – 90 % of a full recovery.
She will be on a morfine drip for 48 hours. They do all they can to prevent any pain or anxiety.
She will stay there for more than a week for phisio and such.
My amazing parents have loaned me the money. I might have to sell an organ or my plastic eardrum to repay them.
Edited to add:
I’ve spoken to her surgeon twice (she phoned me!) to tell me that the operation went well and she’s happy with how it’s gone. Bella has her very own nurse that will stay with her until 12 tonight. She is on a morphine drip. They will phone me (they will phone ME) again in the morning to give me an update. What an amazing place…….but at the cost, I might just have bought shares there….
Ouch
Permanent tubes are generally made with a very large flange. The flange is often too large to place through the eardrum itself, or it would require an incision in the eardrum that would be damaging to the ear. In order to place most types of permanent tubes, an operation is required. An incision is the ear canal is made and the entire eardrum is lifted. A small trough is drilled into the posterior bony canal wall in order to accommodate the tube which is two to three times the size of a standard tube. The flange is then placed partially behind the bony middle ear wall in order to anchor it into position.
I should really remember not to read what they do when they operate. Like when they operated on my arm last time too, to release a nerve. I read about it and then I was freaked out.
Ag no, I would have been better thinking it was just like normal tubes. Like my kids have had too many times and I, countless times. (Well, apparently according to the file that is going to be done as well) Probably to relieve the pressure that is there already.
It just sounds plain gross.
Well, I hope that after this operation today, my problems will be a thing of the past!
And why oh why do you have to be in the hospital hours before the operation???
Up to date
For the first time, in a very very long time, I can actually see the surface of my desk and I’m pretty much up to date with everything. This is a very good thing, since we are almost on our way to the sea!
Unfortunately Quintus and Tommie will be joining us a week later, since Quintus is going on a rugby tour. He is very excited about this. I’m pretty sad that I’ll be missing out on his games. First time ever that I won’t be next to the field.
I need to have some surgery on Wednesday. My ears just aren’t acting proper and as my ear specialist told me (many times), they have deteriorated since the last time he saw me and I have to see him every 6 months. I don’t like doctors, so this is something I’ll have to force myself to do. Hopefully after all that needs to be done, I will be able to hear better and get less ear infections.
Even though Í should be relaxed right now, I am feeling very stressed. Might be because of Wednesday or because I won’t be able to help Quintus study for his last test on Thursday. (We have covered most of the work though) I’m sure by this weekend, I’ll be much more relaxed and excited about our vacation.
I’ll also be able to ride to the coast in my new car and feel what it feels like on the open road. Looking forward to that!
Jason’s hospital trip
I’m not feeling very ‘talkative’, so here’s some photos of Jason’s morning at the hospital to have his broken tooth fixed.
Playing “Plants vs. Zombies” while waiting.
Talking to Ouma Marie’ and Oupa Tony.
Still waiting but by now the pre-med has kicked in.
Getting nervous
Just before he went in. Ready and smiling with the finger puppet the staff gave him.
Home
It’s now been almost 24 hours since the operation. I’m in pain most of the time, even with the pain meds that I’m taking. Hopefully by tomorrow things will be better though.
Anything is better than the hospital though. I hate the fact that they think I want see the first rays of sun when they open the curtains at 5 am. Take my vitals if you must but I sure don’t want to wake up already!
These nurses would walk into our room and talk to each other as though there is no patient in the room, even though both of us are sleeping. Not there to take our blood pressure or give pills or anything. Just walking through the room, giving it a bit of a talk. Sleep is not something one goes to hospital for, that’s for sure.
I’m glad to be home.
Nervous
I’ve had surgery before and as a rule it doesn’t freak me out.
Tuesday, I’m having a ‘repeat’ surgery. About 11 years ago I had ulnar nerve transposition surgery that had brilliant results but for some time now the pain in my hand and arm has come back. I’ve been holding out to see my doctor until after the tax season. I saw him last Monday. Surgery is Tuesday. And I’m freaked out.
Maybe the fact that I have had this done before and I know how painful it is, makes it worse? Maybe because then I was booked off from work for 2 weeks and now there will be no ‘booked off from work’ for me. Maybe because then I didn’t have 3 (sometimes 4) kids?
I asked Tommie how we are going to handle the kids after my operation. Especially driving them up and down. He said I must load up my maid and take her with me. Lovely. Just the answer I needed.
ER
“Mom!!!! Kyla is bleeding!!!”
She wasn’t bleeding….blood was gushing out of her forehead. I tried to get a good luck and then for a split second wish I did not. She had a gaping hole right next to her eye. I mean I could easily push my finger in there. HOLE.
I got all the kids (and Quintus’ girlfriend) into the car, while helping Kyla to the car as well. I rushed away from home so quickly that I didn’t even have time to lock the doors.
Hazards on, driving towards the hospital, I was so thankful that we live a mere 3 km from there!
As I understand it, Quintus was going to hit a golf ball…had warned everyone to move away and Kyla didn’t move far enough.
You have no idea the way I felt. I was so stressed that I could barely write. It was decided that they would try and close the hole in ER. I (and my parents) were more than willing to pay for her to get surgery but the doctor was convinced that he could do the same job in ER.
She was such a strong little girl. She was given drops for pain that also made her very tired, so that helped but she kept still for all that time it took to repair the wound. Poor girl even told me to please tell Quintus she is sorry and that once her eye is repaired she will tell him herself.
Jason was hysterical. Hysterical. I couldn’t calm him down. Quintus was freaked out. Completely freaked out. I could see that he didn’t know how to handle what had happened.
It took me an hour to get medication for her and then she fell asleep before I could even give it to her. I’m sure she’ll wake up during the night though.
I feel SO bad. So bad.
I’ve included a photo of her sleeping now but do warn that it looks very sore. (and is)
Super Mom .... or not 