Super Mom

In-laws

Letter

I recently found this letter from my grandfather while looking for something else.

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His handwriting.  His words … and he is no longer here.

I read his letter and my heart ached.  We did phone.  We took him out for breakfast when we passed through Pietersburg on our way to Louis Trichardt.

We did not phone enough.

I read those words and how he mentioned how much a phone call meant.

I did not phone enough.

Maybe I’m older (I definitely not have more time now) but I realize that a call every now and then was not enough.  I should have called more often, with random news even if the phone call was for less than a minute.

I did not phone enough.

He must have been so lonely.  I cannot actually imagine a man spending so much time to write a letter.  He wrote a letter to all the family members.

I did not phone enough.

I try to make up for that mistake by getting the boys to phone their grandfather every Sunday.  (Not my parents because they SEE them every day)  They should phone their grandmother as well come to think of it.

Make those phone calls.  It takes a minute.  Phone while waiting to pick up your child from school or waiting for them to finish sport.  Just phone.  It must make such a difference to them and it is such a small thing for us.

Make that call.

I wish I had phoned more.


No meat

I married into a family of meat eaters. My husband hunts (which I hate)
Braai is their favourite food, past time and culture.

This year I stopped eating meat. Something I have wanted to do for many years. I have only one regret and that is that I have not done so sooner.

However, I have worried about visiting the in-laws. My father-in-law cannot understand that someone doesn’t eat meat. He has given little Zander a hard time, even though Zander will eat mince but not other meat. I knew he would not take the news well and thought that he would make every meal difficult for me.

How wrong I was. Tommie informed them beforehand. My mother-in-law has gone out of her way to make food for me. She has gone shopping and searching for stuff for me to eat (and I did not expect her to at all) My father-in-law has not mentioned it once.

I appreciate it so much.

Probably more than they know.


Hunting

My father-in-law hunts. Always has. Always will.

I hate hunting. Always have. Always will.

Quintus could hardly walk when we had our first fight about it. He wanted to take Quintus on a hunting trip.
Lets see….. Guns…. Alcohol…. Hunting at night…..HECK NO!!

I have always said I would be very disappointed if my kids decide to hunt but that they will not ever go with if they arent old enough to get a hunting license. I understand that at some stage there will be loads of pressure from the in-laws side to go hunting.

I do think there was a small victory there this holiday though. While driving through a nature reserve on our way to Die Hel, we saw two beautiful Gemsbok. My father-in-law said to the boys that we could have so easily shot them if they had guns with them. Jason looked at him and asked “why on earth would we want to kill them? No thank you. We don’t do that”

Later we were talking about Quintus’s car that my father-in-law wants to take took Stilbaai until Quintus is old enough to get it. Jason said that would like to get the F250. My father-in-law said that he would like Ockie to take the bakkie, since he is the only one that hunts.

Totally agree. He should get the bakkie 😉


Rough week

I’m so glad it’s weekend.  It’s been a tough week…actually starting last Saturday with me having to take Jason to ER due to a bad ear infection. 

I worked all of Sunday, since there was a big dead-line looming.  As with any deadline – there’s loads of added stress.

Monday I had a small fall-out with my father-in-law, that ended with him shouting at me.  I don’t like people shouting at me.  He apologised to Tommie the next day but not to me.  Since he shouted at me, I expected him to apologise to me.  Anyway ….

Then Quintus got sick.  He didn’t want to go to school but is writing tests and I felt he needed to be there.  Getting him up and ready, was no fun.

Every morning this week, we ended up doing some or other school project that was only remembered at 6:30 am.

Zander got sick…as in high fever sick.  Not lekker at all.  He is still sick.  Now I have three children on antibiotics.  At least one of the three is feeling better now.

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Work was hectic and still is hectic and will be until December some time.  I should be used to it by now but it seems to hit me unexpectedly every tax season.

Last night Quintus and I stayed up late to study and we were up early this morning again.  I think he must be so tired.  I hope he doesn’t go to bed too late tonight.  (He is sleeping over at a friend, since they went to a church thing together tonight)

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Tomorrow Jason has his first cricket match of the season (did I mention I’m cricket coach as well!?)  I’m hoping that it will be fun and I am so thankful to have my dad help out as well. 


Stressed

I woke up with a huge headache this morning.  The type where your hair hurts and light hurts.  It also felt like someone continuously pushed a screwdriver into my ear (but remember there is nothing wrong with it)

I took pain meds before breakfast and now I’m nauseous too.

I could though be nauseous and stressed because tomorrow my eldest is going away with the in-laws for a week.  I suppose many kids have gone away with their in-law grandparents but Quintus have never slept there more than three times (I think).

Why?  They are extremely different to me.  Their idea of safety is totally different  from mine.  I would ask that the kids where safety belts and then I will hear that they told the kids it’s not necessary (although my kids still wore them).  My MIL left the kids alone at the mall and couldn’t understand why it’s a problem to me. 

I do feel Quintus is older now.  More aware of danger himself.  They are going to an ATKV resort (where they always have staff looking out for kids).  I’m sure he will be okay.

I just worry.  The fact that my FIL said he knows what it took of me to say yes and that he will make sure Quintus is well taken care of and his cousin treats him well, helps.

Is he home yet?


Should I, or not?

I have had it up to here (ha like you can see where) with my father-in-law.  I am sick and tired of how he treats my husband.  I think he forgets that Tommie was not born to be his slave. 

I’m sick of how he shouts at my husband.  In front of the kids as well.  What kind of respect can they have for their father is this is the way he treats their dad?  He shouts at my husband in front of me.  I have had it.  Can you imagine how he treats him when we are not around?

My husband is a person for heaven’s sake.  Tommie is his SON!  Is he not proud of him?  Can he not show love?  Can he not appreciate the son he has?

Do I have the right to talk to my father-in-law about this?  I think I must.  I have kept my mouth shut long enough now.  His behaviour towards my husband is unacceptable and it influences our relationship.  It influences Tommie’s relationship with the boys.

I have had enough of Tommie getting home in a bad bad place because of his father!  His very own father.

Now, I just don’t know if it’s fair towards Tommie to take this up with his father.

I just know that the next time I witness that kind of behaviour, I will not be able to keep my mouth shut.  Maybe talking before I’m upset as well, will be better for all involved.


Cancer sucks. No matter what.

My Father-In-Law is having an operation later this morning.  He has cancer but I believe that they will remove it all this morning.

In honour of cancer and bandana day I bought bandana’s from Pick ‘n Pay.  He doesn’t have Leukemia (thankfully) but it’s still cancer.  I used the bandana’s to explain cancer to the boys.  It has now touched our lives twice and hopefully it will be the last.

Thinking of you Oupa Jan!

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Paranoid?

Maybe I’m paranoid.  Who knows.  Maybe I just care enough about my children to want them to be safe.  Who knows.

Quintus and Jason slept over at the in-laws last night.  No problem.

My MIL asked to take them and their cousin to the movies this morning.  No problem.

Right?

I phoned to ask what time they will be back, since I had plans for this afternoon. 

My MIL said that she’s not sure, won’t I have a look as to what time the movie starts.  What movie I ask?….oh the one with the age restriction…of course.  Language and violence nogal.  My kids live in South Africa but I do tend to keep them away from violence.

After having a look at the other movies available and seeing that they all have age restrictions, I said that they can watch that one but if it is too much for Jason, she must please rather go out with him.

No she says, she’s not going, she’s just dropping them off.

….

….

They are 7 and 9 and she is dropping them off?  Okay, with their cousin who is 11 but my boys are 7 and 9!!!

I said, thanks but no thanks.  She can just drop the boys off at work, I’ll take them to the movies tonight.

Right.

What do I find out later?

She left them at a games centre, while she went shopping…….

I didn’t want her to leave them alone at the movies and she leaves them at a GAMES CENTRE!!!  Have you seen those places?  You could lose a horse in there. 

I can’t believe she thought it was okay to do that.


Weddings

Next week Friday is our 10th wedding anniversary.  Every time I go to a wedding (and I’m sure all married couples do ), I look back on that day in my life.  That day when I said “I do”.

At that moment, I don’t think of the the years there after.  The ups and downs.  I think of that day.  The church, the ceremony, the flowers, the reception.  The DAY.  When I look back at that day, I wish it was different.  I wish the ending could be changed. 

My wedding started out just fine.  I felt pretty.  Everyone was happy for us.  We had a very special ceremony, with our minister giving a sermon that I will never forget.  It was really lovely.  The reception was very relaxed…the way we wanted it to be. 

We left before most other people as we were going to travel well over 1 000 km the next day.  When we got back from the honeymoon, we found out that a fight broke out after we left.  My dad (the most peace-loving man on earth) tried to break up a fight, when a fuckwit very young 18 year old, decided to break a bottle on my dad’s head.  Yes, hitting my dad with a beer bottle.  We got back 10 days later and my dad was still purple and blue where he was hit…his ears still blue.  His suite and my moms dressed ruined with blood.  I was pissed off.  I was sad that it was my dad.  My dad that would never get into a fight.  I was upset that MY wedding, my special day turned into that. 

Now when I think back at my wedding day, that’s what I remember.  I always remember the fight.  It took me 7 years to forgive the fuckwit then more mature man.  I have since come to realize that he was young.  That he really feels sorry.  We even had a good time together this weekend, at the wedding that turned out to be perfect.  It doesn’t change my wedding.  It doesn’t change that day.  No he wasn’t the only one involved but he is the one who had so little respect for my dad, the one that pulled my dad into it.

Anyway, let’s more away from that.  My memory is there.  Nothing will change that. 

Thankfully that was my wedding day.  Friday is also the day we have been married for 10 years.  That is not the same thing.  Thinking about being married for 10 years, THAT’s looking at where we are now.  Ten years later.  The ups and downs.  Many many downs.  The fight we have both put up to still be together 10 years later.  To still find love, when we think there is no hope.  THAT’s when I think of being married for 10 years.

While looking at my 10th wedding anniversary brings sadness and anger still, I feel completely different when I look at having been married for 10 years.

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The weekend that’s been

I realized three things this weekend while spending time with my in-laws:

  1. We are very very different.  Yet I think, there is a slight chance that they may actually like me.  Racism and hunting are two subjects that will keep me walking out of conversations again and again.
  2. I prefer my loud busy home.  My SIL has a beautiful big really impressive mansion home.  Very very nice.  Too quiet though.   Almost like the sound disappears Or gets cleaned-up before it hits the walls lol
  3. I’m so glad I have three kiddos.  I know there’s good argument for having one child but when I look at our nephew (who has no siblings), I am happy with our decision.

 

 


    Why ask?!

    What is it with people who ask for advice or your opinion when they want to hear THEMSELVES and not what you have to say? 

    I get it so often in my office.  “Do you think I’ll be able to claim this as a business expense?”   “No.  It’s private and SARS will see it as that as well.  I wouldn’t take the chance to claim it”  “But….”  URGH

    What frustrated me about this today is when my MIL phoned and asked what size clothing Jason wears.  My kids are average sized.  Have always been.  He turns 6 on the 31st.  So if you want to buy him something, buy 6 – 7 year old.  Easy right?  NNNnnnnoooooooo  She wants to buy him 7 – 8.  Why?  He still fits into most of his 5 year old clothes.  Why buy something way bigger, that he won’t be able to wear.  I tried to very sweetly explain that but she wanted none of it.  I’m sure he’ll get 7 – 8 year old clothing for his birthday.  That he can’t wear.  That I’ll have to pack away till next year, when he gets something too big to wear again but then at least he will have this.

    On the up side – They do buy a gift.


    Snap and run

    My husband is 38.  Yet he still follow orders from his parents like he is 8.

    Remember when we were kids?  “Please go fetch us this”  “Take the dog out for a walk”  “Pick up your toys”.  Our parents ordered asked us to do many things.  As children we listened and did what was asked of us.  This is the way it works.

    Then as we get older, grow up, become adults and get married, this changes.  We have our own lives.  Our own many orders that we need to follow from your wife due to our lives in general.  Our parents don’t expect us to follow orders anymore.  They will ask but not order.  The balance changes and this is a good thing.  We need to take care of our family’s needs.  Mostly we will do what our parents ask anyway but now we have to take into account our own family and our own needs as well. 

    Or that is how I see it.

    In Tommie’s situation, this hasn’t changed.  He is still 8.  They still order.  They snap their fingers and regardless of our needs, he will jump for them.  I know he means well.  I don’t doubt that.  However he is a grown man and choose to get married and have children.  Now we should be his priority.

    Yesterday we had to rush home from the wedding.  I was feeling horrible.  I got the boys’ stomach virus and really needed his help.  I needed him home to help with our three boys.  I needed him home for some TLC for my own self.  However, he had told his parents he would take their caravan for them.  200 km from our home.  He had to sleep over there last night, leaving me alone with the boys all this time.  My father-in-law is coming through to town on Tuesday, he could pick up the caravan then.  Tommie could have taken the caravan today, when I probably would have felt better.

    Again he chose to ignore my our needs. 


    How?

    How do you drive 2 hours from your home, to the town where your grandchildren live,  go shopping, sleep over at friends and not come and see your grandchildren! They were here yesterday and today and did not even phone my kids or come over for a cup of coffee.

    It’s been 8 years since they became my children’s not-so-grandparents and I still cannot get over the fact that they care so little.   That they make no effort to see our children.  That they must be hurting their son by acting like this.  That they are lying fitwits when they tell my kids they miss them.

    I cannot tell my chidlren this.  I cannot keep them away from their grandparents but oh how I wish I was more of a bitch so that I would.

     


    Tell me I should

    In-laws.  I just hear the word and I imagine all these horrible things.  I’m sure some people have great relationships with their in-laws and I really hope that I’ll be a good Mother-in-law (best I be since I only have sons)  When I hear about MY in-laws though I’m already breathing just a tad bit faster.

    Tommie wants to visit his folks on Saturday.  Not a problem.  They are his parents and the grandparents of my children.  So what’s my problem right?  My problem is that it’s all just a bunch of lies.  Me taking me children there.  Them hearing how their grandparents miss them and love them and and and… when my in-laws does NOTHING to see their grandchildren.  They will be in town and not come visit them (they live 1,5 hours away).  My father-in-law comes to town every week but doesn’t come to see his grandchildren.  Don’t tell me they miss them!

    It’s just not fair.  From my point of view.  My folks change their worlds daily to be with my kids.  To love my kids.  To see my kids.  My in-laws do nothing.  Nada.  Yet my children live under the ‘illusion’ that they love them too.

    Look don’t get me wrong.  I strongly believe that children should know and love both sets of grandparents.  The more family they have that love them the better for the kids.  So from my kids’ point of view it’s all good.  But I know better.  I know it’s all just a bunch of lies and that is what ticks me off.


    Liars

    Next time my in-laws phone to say they miss the kids and wants us to come visit, I will just call them big fat liars.

    They go to visit their other grandson (they only have the 4 grandchildren) almost every weekend.  It’s a longer trip there, than to us.  They haven’t seen my kids in forever and even though my father-in-law was here on Zander’s birthday, he didn’t even come say happy birthday.

    Yesterday I found out that they had slept over in town on Wednesday night and again didn’t come to see the kids!!!!! Come on!!!!

    This upsets me on so many levels.  My boys love them.  Obviously..they are their grandparents.  Yet they get treated like THIS?  They don’t know but *I* know and it pisses me off upsets me. 

    It must be horrible for my husband to know his parents care THIS little. 

    I will tell them if they ask us to come visit us again, that they are welcome to visit here if they really miss their grandchildren so much.  I can’t go sit there and make as though everything is sunshine and roses….when in fact the relationship is nothing but desert and cactuses.

    Kan mos nou nie so ‘n moordkuil van my hart maak nie.  Which I suppose roughly means in English that I cannot keep the anger to myself…it will kill me.  I should rather just kick, shout and tantrum let them know how I feel.


    Too old to be out

    Last night Tommie and I decided to go out for the last time before I kill him at the last minute.  We went to watch a local band and it was SSSOOO much fun.  Oh boy.  We laughed SO much.  It was really fun.  I had a bit too much to drink and too little to eat.  Not a good combination. 

    They ended at 11 pm and we decided since we were childless, it was way too late to go home.  We ended up going to some clubs and it was hysterical!  Every addressed me as “Tannie” (Auntie)   We were easily double the age of the kids there.  

    I heard the one girl saying “I’m getting to old for this” and then she saw me and said “No wait…I have many years of this still in me”  lol 

    This is the end of the fun for the weekend though, since we are off to the in-laws.  Think of me! 


    In-laws

    I am very well aware that I’m going to be a mother-in-law.  I will always be the mother-in-law.  I have three boys.  I’ll never be the ‘mom’.  Thus I always try to look at my in-law situation through those eyes.  I think about it every now and again and I hope that when I am the grandmother-in-law so to speak, that I will respect the wishes of my children.  That I will respect the rules they have for their children. 

    History has proven that my MIL isn’t like that.  In fact it feels as if she will go out of her way to do something against my wishes.  As in hold out a chicken bone for my 2 month old to suck on while I hold him over my shoulder and I have just explained that he is too little and has never had any food.  Letting my kids travel without seat belts.   Not seeing the danger of letting a 8 month old eat nuts.  Showing my kids where they keep the guns.  Letting the hold a huge, sharp sword that hangs on the wall and is easy for them to take off by themselves. 

    My in-laws will always go on about how they miss the boys, yet they never  make an effort to see them.  They will drive to their other grandson at least twice a month but never come see our boys.  YET they complain about missing them so much. 

     Something that always closes up my chest is when they ask for the kids to sleep over at their home.  They have recently moved to a farm and I know the boys will love the freedom.  However, I know my in-laws have no regard for the children’s safety.  They feel it is completely okay for the kids to have the whole farm to their disposal. 

    There’s SO many things to worry about.  Farm dams – Jason can’t swim, Quintus doesn’t swim well.  The kids are still small.  What if they get hurt when they are far from the farm house.  Will Jason even know how to get back to the home?  Their older cousin hunts.  I do not want my kids to hunt, especially at such a young age.  My FIL is a diamond miner.  There is HUGE machinery.  Slime dams.  The list is seriously endless.

    I can ask them to not allow the kids out of their sight.  However I know from history that they won’t respect my wishes.  Tommie wants the boys to go.  My in-laws think I’m the biggest bitch to walk the face of the earth.  I don’t want my kids not to know their grandparents. Their other cousin will be there and they don’t get to see him often.  It’s going to be a long long holiday and it will give the kids a change of scenery.

    YET should I?    Would you?  Oh and clearly Zander won’t go.


    Culture

    We were raised in a combination of Afrikaans and English culture thanks to my mom being Afrikaans and my dad being English. Which is great. I think we got the best of both worlds.

    Tommie though was raised completely and utterly Afrikaans. He grew up on a farm and was totally raised in an Afrikaans culture. Let me give you an example of this that I experienced again today.

    We walk into my in-laws house and smell the wonderful yummy food my mother-in-law is busy making.  We sit and visit for a while when Zander starts getting cranky and he obviously needs a nap.  I get to do nap duty.  I hear my MIL getting ready to dish up so as soon as Zander is asleep I walk into the kitchen to help.  She alone is busy setting the table and carrying the food to the table.  The men are sitting in the TV room talking.

    I start dishing up for the kiddos so that they can eat as soon as we sit down.  No husband jumps up to help.  When they do hear the call of the food, they come to sit down and order ask for us to pass them everything and anything. Apparently being an Afrikaans male you just don’t have the ability to get up and do it yourself.  Even before my MIL gets a chance to dish up for herself (see she has to dish up for my FIL cause apparently he can’t do that either) my father-in-law wants to pray so that he we can start eating.

    Once we had all finished eating the men just get up and go sit in the TV room again while we cleaned up.  Carrying back their plates and glasses.

    WHO died and made them god?  That is so typical of the Afrikaans culture!  Men see themselves as a step (or more) above women.  Women are there to make the lives of men easier.

    Maybe that’s why I don’t get along that well with my in-laws.  Well one of many reasons.  See in our household I’m the boss we are equal.  None of that ‘you have to do it because you are the wife’ crap.  None of the “Keep quiet Dad is back from work and he is tired” nonsense either.

    You are not more important than me because you have a penis!  Sorry.  I’m the one with the assets here lol  No seriously.  Sometimes I look at the Afrikaans culture (and I’m talking the traditional Afrikaans culture) and I just want to laugh.


    Marriage 101

    I have decided that there should be at least an 18 month diploma that one should follow before being allowed to get married.

    This course will cover:

    • Communication
    • Love languages
    • Sex
    • Finances
    • In-laws
    • Parenting (this should be followed up by another diploma before being allowed to have children)
    • TV
    • Friends

    Actually the list is endless.  There should really be something like this though.  Let’s face it…most of us marry because of the passion and spark and sometimes friendship.  Haha oh how life laughs in the face of those reasons.  Marriage is a great thing but it is also hard work and there really just is some stuff that one needs to know before saying “I do”.

    The visit with my in-laws made me think of this.  I often think of this actually as we reverse out of their drive-way and the smile on my face is real…thankful that we are leaving.  True joy. 

    I hate it when my father-in-law speaks to me through the children while I am sitting right there. “Quintus tell your mom that I am going to take you hunting when you are ten” NO don’t tell my kid to tell me SOMETHING WHEN I AM THERE and do not tell my son that you are going to do something when you know I am not going to allow it. Do not make me look the bitch who is saying no. Do not act like an asshole.

    Years ago – when Quintus was about about Zander’s age – my FIL wanted to know when he can take Quintus hunting.  My first answer was NEVER.  He wanted to know if my son has no say in this and I said yes he does but he will not until he is at least 16.  He then wanted to know what he is supposed to do with Quintus’s gun and I told him that for all I care he could throw it away (yes I know that wasn’t very nice of me)

    Point being though that he knows exactly how I feel about hunting.  It’s not even just the killing of the animal.  How do you take a child at the age of 10 hunting.  A child that has never used a rifle before.  There are just so many no’s in that situation.  The child will just injure the buck and will most probably not be able to kill it with his first shot.  Traumatic for both the child and the animal.  We all know that hunting is about killing a buck on the first morning and drinking the rest of the weekend or week.  My child will not be able to be well taken care of in a situation like that.  They will also have the opportunity to get hold of guns while the rest of the men are drunk.  NO WAY.  At the age of 16 they will probably still be way too immature but at least a bit more mature than at 10. 

    So when he went on about Quintus being allowed to go hunting in 3 years time, I could totally see the feeling of victory when Quintus looked excited.  Bastard.  Of course my MIL had to get onto the bandwagon too.  AND MY HUSBAND SAID NOTHING.  I made it clear though that no child of mine will go hunting before the age of 16 and that I, unfortunately for them, do have the final say.  BTW I do understand that it will be hugely satisfying for my FIL to take the boys.  That to him it will be a special bond that he can have with the boys and while I do appreciate it, they won’t be going before they are 16.

    Then I was TOLD that I should take next week off from work to help my MIL pack out.  See they move to the farm tomorrow.  He tells me?  HA…no-one tells me anything.  I can’t anyway.  Firstly because of my back and secondly because I do not work for a boss and I can not afford to take a week of work.  Why doesn’t he tell his daughter to take a week off to help them move.  Better even why doesn’t he get off his ass and help her himself?

    Now we move on the last thing.  Telling my kids to tell me that they must come sleep on the farm for 5 nights.  Of course my kids want to!  I can only imagine how wonderful it must be to have grandparents who live on a farm, where you get to have acres land to play.  Where you aren’t blocked in with high walls.  But wake up and smell the crime people.  We live in the province where farm murders are way higher than other crimes like high-jacking.  I don’t want my kids to sleep over on the farm.  Especially since my FIL speaks to his workers as though they are the scum of the earth.  Why doesn’t he just paint a red circle on his head?  NO.  None of that for my kids but since the school holidays are almost here and they will be settled on the farm by then I can only imagine how well that is going to go down.

    Like I said – marriage 101 for everyone.  The chapter on in-laws must thick and have lots of detail.  If after reading that you still want to get married you can use it to hit yourself over the head until you change your mind.


    Wedding reception

    I try not to ponder things.  Not to let things affect me too deeply.  Not to fight a fight that cannot be won. I just let it go.  Sometimes though when I think back on something and I’m not IN the situation anymore, then I get upset. 

    Tommie and I had a rather relaxed wedding and reception.  No huge big do.  Our reception was held at a local nature reserve.  No smart chapel, entertainment, reception areas.  People don’t even use the place for wedding receptions as far as I know.  We did and we loved it.

    Until we got a call that night before we fell asleep.  Long story short a fight broke out when some of Tommie’s indirect family wouldn’t leave the reception area when it was time to start clean up.  My parents and brothers were left to clean up as the area had to be cleaned up by midnight.  After asking them to finish up many a time they got aggressive and a fight broke out.

    We of course knew nothing about this until we came back from honeymoon.  I noticed that my dads ear was blue…purple really.  That’s when it all came out.

    The drinking party wanted to hit my brother who had been in a serious car accident and ended up in a coma just a few years before.  My other brother wanted to protect him from getting a blow to the head when a lovely fight broke out.  My brothers don’t fight.  As far as I know they never even got into a fight at school.  Just not their type of thing.  My dad stepped in to stop the silliness when one of Tommie’s cousin hit my dad with a beer bottle over his head.  A bloody young barely-out-of-school kid hit my dad over the head with a bottle.  It cut my dad’s head in many places….blood everywhere.

    Who does he think he is.  NOW 9 years later I’m boiling about it.  I want to grab that guy and ask him who the heck he thinks he is to have hit my dad with a bottle.  This has nothing to do with spoiling my reception.  This has to do with my dad.   My dad who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

    How could he.  Idiot.


    Oh the pain

    People listen to me.  NEVER say yes when the physiotherapist asks if she can insert some needles into your back that you won’t even feel.  See, she’s not lying.  You don’t feel it when she inserts them.  However!!!! you feel them as she continuously moves them around in the muscle and push it further and deeper and right onto the bone.  Recreating the pain she says – after the needles are in.  I DON’T WANT THE PAIN RECREATED! I just want it gone!!!  Holy holy holy crap it was sore.

    She starts out saying that ones she has used me as a vudu doll loosened the muscles, she will be able to manipulate the disks and my pain will be gone.  I should then just have some pain from where the needles were inserted.  Like a bruise pain.  Yeah right.

    I got off the bed and could still not stand by my own self.  She made me get back on an stuck another needle through my jeans into my leg.  Fun I tell you.  If I wasn’t so prim and proper sore I would have hit her.  That didn’t work either and I was sent on my way with good wishes.

    I’m living in hope that the muscles will relax over the next 24 hours.  It just has to.  My Monster-in-law invited herself to stay over for the night to help me out.  While I really really do appreciate her help, it is also somewhat exhausting.  Please please let my dear back get better!


    Critique my blog

    Billy over at Critique my blog read through my blog.  Go read over there what Billy thinks of my blog.

     My boys are sleeping over at my in-laws tonight.  We have only been home for an hour and I already have a headache worrying about them.  Why you ask?

    My father-in-law showing the boys his guns and where he keeps them.  They are in a safe but come on….I’m pretty sure the boys can figure out how to get the keys.

    My MIL’s reply after I told the kids not take play or take any pills (long story)

    “Don’t worry.  I hid the pills under our pillows.  These days it isn’t that easy to open those pills holders anyway”

    At least Tommie and I put the cover over the pool as we left.  I SO wish the boys will stop asking to sleep over there while we are there.  I normally manage to make some good excuse as to why the can not.  This time though there wasn’t one.

    I can only pray that they will be safe.


    How are you married?

    I hope your answer will be happily married.   We are married by antenuptial contract.  For some reason that is bothering me today.  I know why but still.  I’m mature enough to know that it should not bother me.

    We decided to have an antenuptial contract because Tommie’s dad was basically running his business on Tommie’s name.  So a lot of his parent’s assets were on Tommie’s name.  I can totally understand that they wouldn’t want that to be mine should we get divorced.   I did have a problem with the fact that they weren’t just willing to transfer everything over to my FIL’s name though. 

    Due to the business being on Tommie’s name we wanted to make sure that all the assets that “we” have will be on my name, so that we can’t lose anything should my FIL’s business get into trouble.

    Nothing is on my name.  The only and very recent thing is the Toyota Verso that we bought last year.  The house is not on my name.  A touchy subject indeed.  I have been ‘okay’ with that though.  I’m not planning on divorcing him any time soon lol 

    Last night tough I had to sign a form that confirms we are married out of community of property so that I won’t have any interest in the farm that his parents just bought.  The farm that has all along been said to be the “family” farm.  So what…I’m not family anymore?  Maybe I never were.

    That’s the thing right there.  I have never felt like family.  First I was the wife of their son and now the mother of their grandchildren.  I can’t imagine it ever being different.  Maybe that’s why being married out of community makes me feel ‘out’.

    Maybe if my MIL takes down the photo of his previous girlfriend!!! she might start to accept me.  Never nice being the outsider.


    Feel good

    This is making me feel good today:

    Tommie telling me this morning that he loves me all day long.

    Smelling Zander’s breath.  It still has that sweet baby smell.

    Jumping into the pool after work yesterday – shouting “bombs away”  (made me think of my two dearests friends and their “bums and rock”

    All of us playing ball on the porch last night.  Zander was in ball heaven My aircon that is working today.  Yesterday was a lovely 35 degrees (Celsius) and my aircon was e-broken.

    Coffee.  I so do love my coffee.  The entire weekend I couldn’t find any good coffee and it was the first thing I did when I got home – made myself a good cup of coffee.

    Good music.   Christel is forever laughing at me because I don’t know the names of the person / group that sings the song or the name of the song but darn there’s a 95 % chance that I’ll know all the words to the song.

    Health.  The fact that we are all healthy.  Looking at what my SIL is going through and what my aunt went through, makes me appreciate my health and that of my children just so much more.

    Go hug your husband, wife, child, dog, cat, a tree…. just go out and spread some love people!  The sun is shining (or it might be cold and snowing) but we are experiencing it.  For that I am thankful.  Being able to experience – good or bad – it is making me feel good today.

    That was posted this morning.  Now it’s 6 PM and I don’t want to hug no tree!  I want to chop it down and use it on my husband and the person who gave birth to him! Let me fill you in on this. 

    The boys went to work with Tommie this morning so that my mom could have a break.  Of course that does not include my Milk-addict.  I specifically asked him if they will be with him all day.  He said they would, except for when they have lunch with his mother.  I told him that he must please remember that their pool is not closed and he has to be with them the entire time until they leave.  He promised me that he would and again said they would only be there for lunch.

    Why am I so stupid to believe him!?  The boys get home and I interrogated asked them what they did today.  Especially since their cousin came home with them.  Yip they were at my MIL.  Not just for lunch.  Not with Tommie there all the time.  They were watching The X-men (Age restriction 13 for violence) and played outside.  Not on the side where the pool is but they only need to go over a fence as high as my knees to get to the pool.  A fence they have climbed over a hundred times.

    I’m up to here with my MIL.  (Oh and Tommie is SO in the dogbox)  I have spoken, threatened and asked about this pool situation a million times before.  And how way below the average IQ no let’s say stupid, do you have to be to let a 4 and 6 year old watch The X-men!?  She is forever complaining about not seeing enough of the kids and then when they are there, she puts on a DVD?

    I told my friend Liliana how stressed up I am.  How I am so wired that I could fly without a plane.  She replied that she is too and wondered if we would be seen from the moon if we both exploded.  I do believe we will.  Fireworks and all.