Poem
This poem is sweet and endearing when you have a little one.
My Child,
You are my today, my tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.
You are the air I breathe,
the light at the end of every dark tunnel,
the rainbow after a torrential rainstorm with thunder and lightning,
and the beautiful melody in all the songs I listen to.
You are my motivation to swim against the waves,
my strong foundation even when I’m feeling weak and at risk of toppling over,
and my shining star in a dark universe.
My unconditional love for you,
is one that pulls me out of bed on the hard mornings,
where the tired makes my bones ache,
and my brain is so foggy I can hardly think straight.
It’s a love that’s so comfortable it rocks me to sleep at night
even after a day filled with overthinking every interaction,
of feeling overwhelmed by an inbox of unread emails and dirty laundry,
and falling short,
again and again.
I have never felt anything like it before.
I can be depleted of everything,
but never of my all-encompassing love for you.
Because when I dig deep, I will always find more to give.
So, I hope you feel loved every day of your life knowing
you’re someone’s today,
tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.
___________________________________
Then they get older. They have their own will – mostly against yours – So I changed the poem …just a little bit.
My Teenager,
You are my today, my tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.
You are the air I breathe,
sometimes you are my dark tunnel
the cause of my torrential rainstorm with thunder and lightning,
and the doof-doof of the songs I am forced to listen to.
You cause me to swim against the waves,
you make me weak and at risk of toppling over,
I need a shining star in the universe.
My unconditional love for you,
is one that pulls me out of bed on the hard mornings,
helps me not to break your bones,
and my brain is so foggy that I forget that I’m upset.
It’s a love that’s so tyring it forces me to sleep at night
even after a day filled with fighting every interaction,
of feeling overwhelmed by an inbox of unread emails and dirty laundry,
and falling short,
again and again.
I have never felt anything like it before.
I can be depleted of everything – patience; money; freedom; time –
but never of my all-encompassing love for you.
Because when I dig deep, I will always find more to give.
So, I hope you feel loved every day of your life knowing
you’re someone’s today,
tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.
All our children
As we sat in the dark after the kids went to bed, Tommie and I spoke about the children. We have so many worries about each and every one. So many things to be proud of. So many personalities to work with. Different reactions to situations and trying to keep them all happy and loved.
I wish I could explain to them just how much I love them. Just how proud I am of them. How they drive me insane. How hard I try at raising them to be well adjusted, proper people. People who will care and understand. Have respect and be confident.
I can only try. We can only try. We don’t always succeed but I hope we mostly do.
I hope they know that they are loved and respected, regardless. That I would move the world, hang the moon just a bit that way or pick a flower on the other side of the world for them if it will make their lives better.
Kiddos, you are loved.
School
2016
Imagine that
Two kids in High School. Two kids in Primary School. Difference between high school and primary school can be so big.
Big year for all my kids.
Zander is going to grade 4. First year of exams (although they did write some exams in Grade 3) More subjects. More teachers. A big year for him. Especially to see how he will cope and how much the teachers are willing and able to help.
Kyla is going to a “new” school. She was in La Hoff when she went to Grade 1 but that’s years ago.
Jason is going to Grade 8. High School. Orientation. Two weeks of wearing weird clothes (work for us parents) and being treated like the youngest in the school. Thankfully it doesn’t last long in their school.
Quintus is going to Grade 10. Finally less exams but also more work. I think that I’ll be more strict now. Expect more maybe.
I’m anxious about tomorrow. The holiday has been a long one. I don’t know how I will get everyone up and ready in time.
We will cope. We always do.
Here’s to 2016 and an awesome school year for all my kids.
You are loved.
School
At Jason’s grade 7 prizegiving the school played a song that spoke to me so deeply. A song by a little girl who wasn’t invited to a school prizegiving. A letter she wrote to her granny, asking if she will ever be good enough to be invited.
I am thankful beyond words that our school is different. That every child really does count. It still brought tears to my eyes.
If it were a different school, one of my kids wouldn’t be invited. Not if it depended on academics. Even at his own prizegiving I looked at his little face, so proud of the achievements he received for sport (mostly for his rugby team’s achievements) but no mention of academics.
Then I got the school reports and you know what? I’m so proud. Proud of every single one of my kids.
Right from the one that decided not to study at all and still … uhm… did WAY above expectation, to the one who worked hard at maths and accounting the last term and increased with a percentage of 20 % and 40 % respectively. Also the one who has to worked harder than most and it showed. He improved in every single subject. Our girl child is also did well and got an award for academics.
Proud. Yes, beyond proud.
Was a good year. I learned probably more than all of them combined.
Life lessons, that is what I learned.
Long weekends
I love long weekends. I love holidays. I love that I get to spend more time with my kids, without the rush of school, sports, choir, meetings, clients, work …. well basically life. Life tends to get in the way right?
I get to play cricket with them (even when I fall and feel 100 years old AND miss the catch)
I get to take silly selfies.
We get to sleep late. Go to bed late. Watch movies.
We don’t go away as often as we used to. Not near as often as I would like to. Going places teaches them about life.
Staying home does that too though. One can be at home.
Best grandparents
I have often mentioned how lucky my boys are to have my parents as their grandparents.
It is clear from the photos that they are always there. Be it for rugby, cricket, hockey, tennis, choir or awards evenings. They miss nothing.
On Wednesday Jason and I were driving to his cricket game when we spoke about Oupa who is on his way to join us and poor Ouma who can’t due to her excruciating neck pain. We were talking about their support, when Jason said :
You know Mom. They will support anything we do…. Even if our sport was to count grass. Oupa would be “No Jason, that’s a weed! Don’t count it” and Ouma will say “Go Jay, only two thousand to go!”
Is true. They will be there regardless of what they do.
Stilbaai
Many things have changed since our first visit to Stilbaai.
There is no more that urgency to do as much as possible in the time we have here.
We sleep later.
Spend more time at the in-laws doing nothing.
Lots of table tennis (Jason the current champion)
Our list of “must do’s” is now just a list of things we want to do on that day.
It’s refreshing actually just to be.
I enjoy my kids. Even though I spend a lot of time with them, it’s not the same as when you are on holiday. I enjoy their company. They are fun people to be around.
That is what makes holiday special. When you share it with special, people.
Busy
My word…it’s Friday afternoon and I feel lost.
Quintus is in Rustenburg (Choir rehearsal) and Jason and Zander are still at school. The school got some inflatables for them so they don’t want to come home!
I’m SO used to not having enough time to work in the afternoons that I almost feel lost in available hours.
Wow. What a change
The little red man
I overheard a conversation earlier this morning.
Someone A was very upset. Someone B handled it very well.
See, there’s a year end party. And Santa was invited.
A doesn’t want his / her child to believe in Santa. Feels that as a Christian it’s wrong. That people buy into the commercialism and that the whole meaning of Christmas and Jesus’ birth gets lost along the way.
From my viewpoint and what I heard, it basically sounds as though a child cannot believe in Santa and Jesus.
He / she feels that Santa shouldn’t be forced upon their child.
Of course that doesn’t have to happen. They have a right to raise their child as they feel fit. However, I also have the right to raise my boys the way I feel fit.
My kids (okay only Zander) believes in Santa. Not because they believe he is the creator of our amazing universe but because he is the guy in the red suite that brings amazing presents every year.
Not because he was born and forever changed the lives of those who believed. No, because he is the guy who makes a good and naughty list.
Santa and Christ …. they happen to be in the same season but to me they have nothing to do with each other.
As a Christian, my kids know what Christmas is all about. They know it’s about the birth of Jesus. They know that he was born to be our Saviour. We sing him a small happy birthday song on Christmas morning even.
Santa on the other hand….he is the fantasy guy. Isn’t it true that all educators tell you constantly how important it is for kids to have fantasy play? For them to be able to play pretend?
He is the pretend guy.
Do they know he is only pretend? Do they know he isn’t the reason for the season? Probably not when they are very young. I also don’t think they understand that Someone was born to save them. Someone they can’t see. It’s beyond their understanding.
One should however, as with everything you teach them, keep on teaching them.
As soon as they can though, as soon as they get the concept, they are also old enough to understand the difference between the two.
My kids love the joyful songs, the pretty lights and dreaming about what Santa would bring.
My kids love Jesus too.
Were they upset when they learned Santa doesn’t really exist? Heck no! They still play the Santa fantasy lol They were intelligent enough to know the difference.
Santa brings them childlike joy. Like the tooth fairy brings money. Like easter eggs at Easter.
One should not confuse the two.
Santa can come to my year end party any time 
Unlike Jesus who is there all the time.
Not the conventional mother
Nope. Not the conventional mother at all.
I’m the mom who keeps the kids out of school because it’s snowing and they have never experienced snow before. Because it most probably will never snow (proper white snow that your legs get lost in) in Klerksdorp. (oh and the poor little snow men are tiny, since we don’t own mittens and your hands tend to get very cold for some reason!)
I’m the mom that keeps them out of school to take them to the Voortrekker monument. Won’t you remember more about it when you have been to the museum? Actually seen the toys they played with. The flags. The guns. They way they lived? Won’t you appreciate your language more if you understand how they fought for it?
I’m the mom who takes them out of school early, so that they can meet up with Ouma and Oupa at the train station. For them to see the very smart and luxurious Blue Train. To get the chance to meet their butler and take a small quick tour of the train.
Yes, I’m the mom who feels that some days they can learn more from missing day at school.
Don’t tell the teachers though lol
Good behaviour…. not optional
I remember when I fell pregnant with Quintus and we told our friends. I remember one of the men commenting that he feels sorry for the poor child. I’d be such a strict mom. I’m much too driven, to spend enough time with my child. That I don’t have near enough patience. (come to think of it, he sure didn’t sound happy for us lol)
Well, I think I turned out to be just the opposite kind of mom. I spend loads of time with my kids. Last night we laughed so much, Quintus was worried he might …. you get the picture. We have a lot of fun.
I support them 100 % in whatever they do. I worry about the constantly. I love them endlessly. Just like they love me endlessly as well. Or like Zander said last night “I love you more than rugby balls” Now if you really know Zander, you will know how much that is!
I am strict though. All the kids (including our friends’ children) have said that I’m the strict one. Our friends often joke that they’ll call me if the kids don’t start behaving themselves. I know I’m strict. I expect good behaviour. It’s not a choice. It just is. I expect good manners probably more than A’s on a report.
This is why I love it when the kids get home with a new Club + level!
I totally love these kids. Always. Regardless. Forever.
Salute
I’ve been meaning to take a photo of the boys doing this for a long time. Should take another one actually, since they normally stand on both sides of the gate and salute me as I drive through. It’s just so adorable. Something they started a long time ago and they do it every single day
Boys
I used to really miss not having a girl. Deep down I wanted a little girl so badly. Maybe one day I will say that again but right now, in this moment I LOVE having boys. Only boys. Three boys.
I love that they all love rugby. Is a good thing that, since I am passionate about rugby and I can spend all day long sitting next to the rugby field. My child doesn’t have to be in the team for me to love the game.
Thankfully though, my boys all do play rugby. They all enjoy the sport. They play their hearts out. Some eat, live and breath rugby (won’t say Quintus).
Fun with the boys
We didn’t go away this holiday (except for those few days that Heather gave us!) So when they begged me to take them to the games centre again, I gave in. Let me make it clear that I totally 100 % detest those places. The noise, the lights and having to make sure my kids are never far from me. Not fun. I’m way more an outdoor kind of mom.
We did have a good time though and I kicked ass with ten pin bowling lol
Both brothers helping Zander
My boys
I love my boys. We all know that right? I mean, I would move the earth for these guys.
I have one wish for them. I want them to be happy.
It’s not always easy. Some days can be an uphill battle right from when we wake up. When everyone is in a different mood and mostly those moods don’t work well together.
It’s always worth though.
As long as they end the day like this:
Unofficial days off
I have unofficially taken a couple of days off. I haven’t taken the kids anywhere or done anything and school starts Monday. So yesterday afternoon I took them to play putt-putt. Yesterday morning I spent time watching Quintus’ rugby practice, which I will do today again but I’ll also be playing some tennis with Jason while Quintus practices with his team. I’m hoping to take them to the movies this afternoon.
No waking up early. Well…that is if they can ignore our barking dog. Jason and Zander has managed to so far. I’m not planning on waking them up unless they are still asleep by 10 am.
I might have to get up though …… will give myself another couple of minutes or so
Gone fishing ….
The boys finally got to go on their first fishing outing. Our very good friend took our boys and his son. Spent the whole day just helping them.
I’m not sure what she was thinking here but I think it was something along the lines that they aren’t well.
Zander totally loved it. I can’t believe how he just sat in his little chair, so patiently.
Waiting ….
Choosing some new bait ….
He tried so hard ….
Our friend took SO much time to show the boys what to do ….
So they waited …. caught nothing …. but patiently waited.
At the end of the day, they said it was awesome, even though they did catch a single fish. 🙂
10 Things
I don’t stand back when I get challenged ☺
So when Laura set a blog challenge, I took it. I’m supposed to name 10 reason why I love …. something or someone. Being me, I will give 10 things I love about being a Mom.
- I love being the one who puts plasters where it hurts. Physically or emotionally.
- I love the hugs, the kisses.
- I love that they crawl into my bed.
- I love that they trust me enough to share those deep fears and ask me the questions.
- I love that they think they have the best and most beautiful Mom.
- I love seeing how they are growing into the men they will become.
- I love the pride I feel, when I look from a distance. When I see them interact with others and they do good.
- I love seeing their relationship with each other (even when it’s sometimes bad … it teaches them not to hit and kick to resolve social issues)
- I love how they fill my life. My every move, thought and decision.
- I love them. Every day. Every second.
It’s over
It’s over and I survived. Even the kids and my husband survived.
Tax season is over. Well….the individual tax season. Company tax still needs to go in but that doesn’t stress me out that much.
I think in all the years that I’ve completed tax returns, this has been the least stressful one. Kinda weird, since I don’t know why but I’m not complaining!
Two more weeks and school closes for the summer holidays. Late mornings (yes, even when I work) :) Days off to entertain the boys. We are going on holiday to Natal for 11 days during December.
Good times. Good times ahead.
I took the boys to play some putt-putt today. Was nice to just relax with the boys.
Paranoid?
Maybe I’m paranoid. Who knows. Maybe I just care enough about my children to want them to be safe. Who knows.
Quintus and Jason slept over at the in-laws last night. No problem.
My MIL asked to take them and their cousin to the movies this morning. No problem.
Right?
I phoned to ask what time they will be back, since I had plans for this afternoon.
My MIL said that she’s not sure, won’t I have a look as to what time the movie starts. What movie I ask?….oh the one with the age restriction…of course. Language and violence nogal. My kids live in South Africa but I do tend to keep them away from violence.
After having a look at the other movies available and seeing that they all have age restrictions, I said that they can watch that one but if it is too much for Jason, she must please rather go out with him.
No she says, she’s not going, she’s just dropping them off.
….
….
They are 7 and 9 and she is dropping them off? Okay, with their cousin who is 11 but my boys are 7 and 9!!!
I said, thanks but no thanks. She can just drop the boys off at work, I’ll take them to the movies tonight.
Right.
What do I find out later?
She left them at a games centre, while she went shopping…….
I didn’t want her to leave them alone at the movies and she leaves them at a GAMES CENTRE!!! Have you seen those places? You could lose a horse in there.
I can’t believe she thought it was okay to do that.
Right thing?
Tonight I’m feeling a tad depressed, sad. Unsure if what I’m doing is right.
Since becoming a Mom, I have only had my kids best interest at heart. My every decision was to make sure it was to the benefit of my kids. I always want my children to feel loved, validated and happy.
I try to raise my boys to always respect others. The rule in our house is, that if it doesn’t make another person happy, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
Then I brought Kyla into their our lives. After her coming to our house for a few weekends, her mom asked if we could take her every weekend and some nights. I discussed this with the boys and with Tommie and we all decided that, yes it wouldn’t always be easy but we are willing to do so.
Some weekends have been better than others but mostly it has been okay. Since the holidays started, it’s been really tough though. She is with us every day and it is beginning to work on everyone’s nerves.
The boys aren’t getting any ‘brother’ time. They aren’t getting to just relax and chill.
Kyla is acting up and is totally draining me. It seems like a constant battle to keep the boys happy and her to behave well.
Am I doing the right thing? Is it just worse because it’ school holidays and she is with us all the time?
I feel like I’m letting the boys down. I hate feeling like that. I feel like a bad Mom for expecting them to share their time with her. I’m not used to this ‘bad Mom’ feeling to be honest.
I tried to find a crèche’ for her for the school holidays but I tried too late and couldn’t get her into one that I think is proper. I will definitely book ahead for the next holiday.
I can’t just show her the way and wish her good luck as she walks away. I’m not that person.
I don’t want to be a bad Mom either.
Why I love being a Mom
I’m not a fan of Meme’s but Grace asked me so nicely. 🙂
She tagged me with a new meme that’s been circulating around and will circulate until it reaches to every corner of the world. Presenting, Around the World in 80 clicks!
The idea is for moms around the world to share five things that they love about being a mom.
Books aren’t enough to share my love but here’s 5 things.
- Being a parent brought me closer to my parents. Not because finally I get what they meant when they said “Wait until you have kids and you will realize how your constant fighting frustrated us”…you know, the bad stuff we were doing as kids :) No, now I get just how much they did for us. How all the little things are helping me to be a better Mom.
- Being a mom is challenging and I love it. I love that I need to change my parenting style with each new stage. That I grow as a Mom as my children grow.
- I totally love that I get to raise sons. There is something special in knowing that it is possible for me to help raise an outstanding, caring, loving, strong man. A whole man.
- I love the feeling of us. We are a unity. A circle of trust if you must. We are unique. We speak our own language. Not in words but we get each other. We love without condition. We trust regardless. You will realize that I say ‘we’. It’s not a one way relationship, it’s between all of us.
- Then there’s the obvious. The “I love you”, hugs, kisses. Being able to be a kid again. It’s fun that I can jump on jumping castles and say it’s because the kids want me to 🙂
I just love being a Mom. That is what I was meant to be.
Fetch me …
It’s the saddest thing how a hospital stay affects the whole family. Not just disrupting the routine and adding more stress with regards to work and taking care of the kids but also each individual. Especially so little Zander this time.
He phones me many times to ask me to come pick him. Tommie has come to the hospital to help me out. So that I can go to Jason (who is still SO sick) and Zander. When I left to come back to the hospital again later this afternoon, he begged me to come back.
It’s just so sad to know that he is that upset and there is nothing I can do about it. That I have another sick son at home and I’m not the one lying next to him tonight. I’m not the one making sure his fever doesn’t get out of control. I’m not the one to give him TLC.
Super Mom .... or not 