I have not written much this year. Maybe because I’m scared that once I do the words that flow onto my screen won’t stop. Maybe I’m scared that people will truly know how I feel. Maybe I just needed some space for me.
Let’s face it. It has been a crappy year for all of us. I think that Covid just added to me already feeling emotionally drained.
Being in lockdown felt like house arrest or being grounded by your parents. Some days I understood it but other’s I wanted to slip through my bedroom window like a teenager.
Then I heard that my favourite nurse (who was always there when I was hospitalised during chemo) passed from Covid, I was heartbroken. She was still so young. After that a client/friend passed away the day after she was released from hospital after fighting for three months! Our doctor passed away after fighting for a very long time.
Lockdown made some sense then. Wearing a mask and sanitising always did. However we had 500 or 600 cases then. Now we have 17 000 and we aren’t on full lockdown? Why the full lockdown then and not now? Why mostly only lockdown beaches? Not restaurants or movie theatres…Please I don’t want to go back to full lockdown. Our country can’t afford it. I’m just saying it makes no sense.
Due to lockdown and children mostly not going to school or zoom classes that were insufficient , I decided to homeschool Kyla. What an expensive thing that was. She did well but financially I should not have done that. I just should not have.
I moved Zander to another swim club. I could go into detail but let’s just say that my child needs to be trained with his best interest at heart ( not with 10 year olds when he is the fastest 50m swimmer in his age group in the club) I will not be spoken to like a child or accept that I am not allowed to understand why certain decisions are made.
He is so happy at his new club. His times improved dramatically. He has also put in a lot more effort. I can see he is ready to push himself now. He is happy and motivated. He wakes up early to gym and then spends all afternoon training in the pool.
I lost my sweet sweet Bella. Just like that. I got home from work on April 11 and saw she wasn’t well. She had bladder cancer. I put her down that same evening. It was heartbreaking. I miss her so.
I did get cheeky little Snowy (Bella left such a hole in my heart) She is the complete opposite of Bella but I’m her everything. I love her so much.
Quintus found an intern job. He is studying to become an architecture drafter. He is loving it. Who knew! His friends are also more at my house than there own. Good kids.
Jason is still battling like crazy with his leg. He will definitely need another operation but wants to wait for winter. He started to crossfit again this year and probably spent all his time there or at church. He has a great group of friends there.
The boys spent their first ever Christmas away from me. Kyla was also with her mom. It was horrible. They were at the sea though and I was happy for them. Until the beaches were closed due Corona ( but please do still go to a restaurant urgh) They are on their way home and will be here tomorrow. Would have been lovely if they could be here tonight to help me with the dogs and their fear of fireworks but I am sure I can cope (not!)
Like I said, it has been a tough year for me though.
Tomorrow is just the day after today. No new year’s resolutions. No party. No let’s hope for a better year.
Let’s just take one day at a time.
Oh 2018, if you were a human I would tell you to fuck off. Not good to see you go. Not bye. Just fuck off.
It has been, without a doubt, the toughest year of my life.
My poor body. What a fight it had to fight to make it to the end of this year. Rounds and rounds of chemo, chemo allergy, hospitalization, blood thinner injections, blood tests, sonars, xrays, MRI, radiations, operations, burns… The list is longer than I wish to remember. It was no walk in the park and in all honesty it is still not. My breast still hurts, my legs are in constant pain (sometimes agony) and my feet are permanently sore. All thanks to the side effects of my last chemo.
Emotionally I’m not in a good place. I’ve had some serious parenting downs and after finishing my cancer treatment I’ve been emotional. I don’t know why, I just am.
I’ve come to realize that people I thought would be there for me, would not. They did not support me in the way I deserved and they should have.
There were obviously some good times and good people who came into my life. For that I am thankful. I’m still alive and in remission (as is my mom) and for that I’m hugely thankful. I have a special, very honest and open relationship with my children. Different from most parents I think and for that I’m thankful.
2018… Off you will fuck.
I could say it was a crap year because let’s face it, it wasn’t perfect.
However it wasn’t all bad and that’s what I prefer to focus on. Bad things tend to bring people together. I connected with family that I haven’t really spoken to in years. I got to see my soul mate for the first time in years. My relationship with Tommie is better than it has been for a long time. I have received such special care and love from family and friends. My children have always been helpful but now they have stepped up in an awesome way.
Cancer has taken a lot but has also given appreciation, love and thankfulness. I am still here. I still get to say, I love you.
This year has not just been about cancer though.
Quintus and his 1st hockey team did exceptionally well, making it through to the north west finals. Jason and Zander has impressed me at every gala. The hard work they put in is something I appreciate. Kyla enjoyed her hockey season and seems to enjoy swimming now as well. School has gone well. Good friendships were made. My children are happy and proper and for that I am thankful.
I have amazing parents that have walked every step of my cancer journey with me, even with my mom having been diagnosed with cancer as well. Come to think of this, I am thankful that my cancer helped with early diagnosis of my mom’s cancer.
I am hugely thankful that my Bella is still with us.
Many things to be thankful for. It has not been a bad year. We are still blessed and together.
Happy new year to all my friends and family.
Like every year should be, it’s been a year with ups and downs.
Started off real bad, with me declaring February as the start to our new year. January just sucked.
I had some things to be really upset about and I am actually proud of myself for handling it the way I did. I so badly wanted to step in and handle the situation but knew it was time for me to let go just a little bit.
I think it’s worse when “friends” hurt my children. A random school child is easy to handle but “friends” That hurts. However, pain has a way of teaching a lesson. Which is obviously a good thing. It also hurts to look at your child when he learns that lesson. When you see that in takes away just a bit more of the innocent trust a child has. Takes away a little sparkle in the eye. It’s part of life I suppose. Learning to be more cautious.
We finally got Zander tested and confirmed that he does have dyslexia. I knew it. I realized it in Grade 1. However, reading it on black and white makes it more real. We have an awesome school that is going to help Zander as much as they can. I even considered homeschooling but after talking to our headmaster we decided not to. Zander loves his rugby and will probably not cope without it. He loves his friends. I am sure now that we have made the right decision to keep him in school. Especially after getting his final school report. He blew me away. All the hard work has paid off. He did so well.
My friend lost a baby and it was one of the most emotionally exhausting 24 hours I spent with her. I don’t know how she coped. It made me so thankful that we never did have to go through that. I hope that pretty soon she will have a sweet little baby that I can spoil.
We went from a family of 5 to a family of 6. Again. Kyla is back with us. In our foster care. We are very thankful for that. We want her happy and we (as well as the social workers) believe that she will be happy here. It was heartbreaking to take her back to the Children’s Home in September. Never again. Her mom is happy that she is here. All around a good decision.
I think if I had to look back at this year and put it down in one sentence, I would say that we have grown.
Here’s to hoping that 2016 will be a good year. Where we grow more (please not in size hehe), love more.
I hope that your dreams for 2016 will be achieved.
Mag 2016 sag wees.
It has been a brilliant year. My kids excelled. They made me proud on so many different levels. Tommie and I are happier than we have been in years. It has been good to us.
It wasn’t all sunshine and roses but it was good.
Quick recap on 2014. No time wasted hehe
I just got my WordPress “year in review” and one of the things that stood out for me was that I only wrote 71 posts all year! 71 out of 365 days. Wasn’t as active on my blog as I would have liked.
2013 sucked but had some pretty darn good days too. I detest writing “oh-poor-me” posts, so I would rather not write at all.
I also battle to find the balance when posting about Quintus. He is older now. His friends read my blog. I don’t want to write things that will embarrass him and let’s face it, I’m a mommy-blogger. I don’t get into politics. I don’t write about clients
much. I tend to not bitch about school much.
Maybe 2014 will be a year for more blogging. More smiles. More content moments. Less stress. Healthy kids and husband. Less hospital visits. More long weekends away.
Here’s to 2014 being a good and healthy year for all of us. For new babies being born healthy. For wishes to come true. For good things to happen to good people.