Super Mom


Whatsapp groups

When you have children, work, family and a life you will most probably have more than one whatsapp group on your cellphone.

I have for my children, some of my clients and their employees, hockey parents, Kyla’s hockey group, swim group, homeschool group etc.

Now, I don’t mind groups and I totally understand the importance and convenience of such groups.  This is why I create groups for directors and employees of companies that I need to be in contact with.

However, it can be frustrating!

Firstly.  We are beyond the days of mxit where you were limited to the amount of characters that you are allowed to use.  This is whatsapp.  You can type a book if you want to. (Please don’t)  So there is NO reason at all to use abbreviations that don’t exist.  Is it really that much quicker and if so what on earth do you do with the 15 seconds you just saved?  Please be considerate and take into account that some people actually attended school and now it takes them time to figure out what on earth you meant.  It’s almost like being back in school, where you created your own language with your very best friend.  Except we are now adults, working and living in an adult world.  Even my children know that I will not read a message that is not in proper Afrikaans or English.

Then, people please.  If your are on a group with many a person, it’s not necessary for every single person to say thank you or noted when a message has been sent.  Especially if that message was sent to give information.  No need to thank anyone.  You got the message.  Move on.  “There was an accident on the N12″  “thank you”  “thank you”  “thank you”  “thank you”  “thank you”  “thank you”  “noted” “thank you”  “noted”  “noted”   NO!  Please, it was just information.  If one person has said thank you, clearly the message has been delivered.  No reply needed.

I’ll get off my soapbox again, thankful that I indeed have a life where people want me on a group.  Must be darn bad if you check your phone and you have NO messages!


I recently found this letter from my grandfather while looking for something else.


His handwriting.  His words … and he is no longer here.

I read his letter and my heart ached.  We did phone.  We took him out for breakfast when we passed through Pietersburg on our way to Louis Trichardt.

We did not phone enough.

I read those words and how he mentioned how much a phone call meant.

I did not phone enough.

Maybe I’m older (I definitely not have more time now) but I realize that a call every now and then was not enough.  I should have called more often, with random news even if the phone call was for less than a minute.

I did not phone enough.

He must have been so lonely.  I cannot actually imagine a man spending so much time to write a letter.  He wrote a letter to all the family members.

I did not phone enough.

I try to make up for that mistake by getting the boys to phone their grandfather every Sunday.  (Not my parents because they SEE them every day)  They should phone their grandmother as well come to think of it.

Make those phone calls.  It takes a minute.  Phone while waiting to pick up your child from school or waiting for them to finish sport.  Just phone.  It must make such a difference to them and it is such a small thing for us.

Make that call.

I wish I had phoned more.

Random points

I always wonder why people would read a post that I do in bullets.   My life can’t be that interesting right?  Well…maybe it gives me some direction to thoughts?  Who knows 🙂

*  4 more sleeps before we go on holiday.  Me, my mom and my boys.

*  Apparently it will rain most of the time we are at the sea but hey, it’s better than rain at home!

*  Tommie and my dad won’t be going with.  Tommie is working and my dad will be in Mozambique getting hot doing bird-watching.

*  This morning Jason said I’m the best mom ever and if I would marry him.

*  I never thought that I would actually be a good bowler, or know how to pass a rugby ball or even kick it well.  Funny how life changes when you have 3 boys.

*  I did something this week that I thought I would never do and no, I’m not saying what.  I can say that my mom did it too!

*  I miss Quintus.  He has been with family since Thursday.  It’s time for him to come home now.  We are picking him up tomorrow.

*  I never thought I would like wine…actually I never have but now that I have welcome “Four Cousins” into my home, I love it. 

*  I think Els is guilty.  You don’t remember the external details of abuse.  Dates, places.  Don’t remember them.  Just because Klay could not, doesn’t proof that it didn’t happen.

*  I have been battling with sinus for a while now.  Not fun.

*  I’m so glad the tax season is over!!!!!!!!!!!  I actually feel guilty having so little to do!

*  I wish my computer was proper.  It overheats and doesn’t start up proper.   It’s not even two years old.

 JUST four three two ONE MORE SLEEPS!

Hungry little girl

I have ALWAYS said that one day, I’ll adopt a little girl.  That’s my standard answer when someone asks me if we’ll try just one last time for a girl. 

Tonight while eating in our kitchen at Wimpy one of the waitresses asked that same question again.  I gave my standard answer.  We then continued talking about a friend of mine who might be adopting a little 6 year old girl.  We chatted for a while and then we left.

We were almost at the car when one of the waitresses came walking towards me and asked if she could quickly talk to me.  Immediate tears for her….I knew what was coming.

She’s a single mom.  Very VERY sweet girl.  I never even knew that she’s a mom.  She has a little girl that goes to sleep hungry many nights.  More tears.  She sometimes has to sleep at the creche’  because her mom works late hours like tonight.  She is desperately afraid of welfare taking her little girl.  Yet, she is realistic enough to know that she can’t keep on like this.

Wow.  Lots of tears from me.  I asked her what she would like me to do.  She cried cried and cried some more and asked me to give her daughter a home.  That she doesn’t want to give her away but she needs to give her a home.

Oh word.  More tears.  For that little girl with no stability or full tummy and for her mom with a heart full of love but empty wallet.

What do I do?  Do I get involved?  Put my heart out there and know that I’m just giving the little girl a home and stability but not a mom?  Can I do that?  Not be the mom?  Can I not get involved?  Just say ‘good luck with that’ and turn the other way?  That’s just not like me.

My heart is sore for that girl and her mom.

Mandatory post

It is a must right?  Looking back at 2006, reflecting on what was and making new year’s resolutions for 2007?

2006 was a really really tough year for me.  I’m glad to see the end of it and I am living on hope that 2007 will be a much better one.

It was awful to go back to work when Zander was just 2 weeks old.  I wanted more time with him.  I needed to get comfortable with the fact that I’m now mom of three kiddos.  Let the pregnancy hormones work their way out of my body without adding the stress of work.  Settle in to breastfeeding my tiny baby boy.  I just need more time.  More time to recover from major surgery.  I barely had the stitches from the c-section out when I was back at work.  Till today I feel down and depressed when I think about it.

I felt like a bad mom as I didn’t spend enough time playing with the my boys.  Not like I used to.  I never gave myself a break.  When I wasn’t working, I’d be busy with Zander or playing with the boys.  It never occurred to me that I had a newborn.  A baby child that takes up a lot of time and attention.  I know that in 2007 it will be better.  Zander will be running around with his brothers (how cute is that going to be!?) and we will all be spending more time together.

I had to accept the fact that I’d never have a little girl.  I never used to dream about getting married or being a SAHM when I was a little girl.  I always felt that I would work but there was always a daughter.  To me it was a given that I would have a daughter.  Now I don’t.

We had to make the decision for Tommie to have a vasectomy.  In the light of me wanting a daughter, it was really tough.  Our family is perfect as it is now.  Three kids are great and we are happy as we are now.  It’s not that we were planning on having another.  However it was ending any hope of ever having another.  Difficult to explain really.  It was the end of an era in our lives.  We’d never have a newborn again.  (yes, I’m one of the weird people who loves having a newborn)

I had to accept that my epilepsy was out of control and cope with the loss of independence of driving for a while. 

I was under some major stress at work.  I was battling to cope with my workload and felt as though no-one understood or even knew that.  Part of that probably had to do with the fact that I was feeling depressed as it was.  I needed a break and I couldn’t have one.  I needed help but could not get it.  I felt sick with stress.  Not going to bed once without feeling stressed or worried.

I had to accept the fact that my aunt was very sick and had to cope with her death.  Death is final and unfair and very difficult to accept.  No matter what.

I felt excluded from friendships.  This not because I was but that’s just the way it felt to me.

I realized more than ever that our country is in a downward spiral with regards to crime.  It seems to be spiraling out of control and it scares me.

Looking at 2007 though I’m not going to make any new years resolutions.  I got this idea from an online friend of mine and this year I’ll only have wishes and hopes for 2007. 

I hope that I’ll feel less depressed.  That I will feel the sun shining on me daily.

I’m hoping on seeing my friends more.  I miss them.  Lots.

I really wish that I’ll be able to afford a SLR digital camera.

One of my biggest wishes is that my dad and I will stand on the top of Kilimanjaro this year (with my new camera to take photos!)

My wish for my kids are to have a wonderful year at school.  All three of them. Quintus will be going to Grade 1.  Such an important year in my opinion.  Jason will be in his last year in preschool.  The senior as they say.  Cute man.  Zander will be going to a daymom some time this year.  Knowing me and my mom though, this might only happen in 2008 😉

I wish Tommie will stop smoking.

For me and my dearest.  May we end up more in love than what we are now.

And what is the start of the new year without the hope to end it thinner!

Happy 2007 to you all!


I swear some people are born without a heart.  If they do have one it is a darn cold plastic one.

Monday I had to phone and cancel a meeting that my dad had scheduled with a group of people that he would have gone bird watching with this weekend.

Me:  Hi This is Melany speaking.  My dad asked me to give you a call.  He is in Pietersburg at the moment because his sister-in-law is very very ill and he won’t be able to make the meeting tonight.

Heartless bitch:  *silence*  But the meeting was to be tonight!  What must we do now?  mmmm  We’ll just have to have a meeting without him then.  We will fill him in on the details.   Bye.

What the fuck?!  No “I’m sorry about your aunt”  “How is she doing?”  “Give my regards to your mom and dad”  nothing!


Today after seeing a client, I get a message to phone her.  So I do.

Me:  Hallo fuckwit Mrs X.  I got a message to phone you.

Heartless Bitch:  Yes I want to know if your dad will be joining us on Saturday.

Me:  I’m really not sure.  The decision to come home changes from minute to minute, so I can’t give you any guarantee that he will be back on Saturday.

Heartless Bitch:  That’s a problem you know.  How must we plan this then?  We will just have to leave him out then.

Me:  That’s fine.  He will not have a problem with that at all.

Heartless Bitch:  What cancer is it that your aunt has?   *Me thinking that finally she will show some compassion*

Me:  Lung cancer and it seems she has cancer in her bladder as well.

Heartless Bitch:  Yes well, then I assume it will be a while before they are home.

!!!!!!!  No emotion!  F-king hell woman!  This is a life and you are worried about your birdwatching trip!!!

Like I said – no heart.  She cannot have a heart.

Just too long

This week has been too long.  Just too long.  I haven’t looked forward to a weekend this much in a long long time.  To add to that, I couldn’t get into wordpress today.  Really people!!!  I need my blog.  Stress relieve and all of that.

Moving right along, please do proceed with caution.  Age restriction 13 –  Strong language and violence.  Specifically if you are a smoker, I’d advice you to brace yourself or hit the X in the top right corner.



My SIL and I have been talking about death today.  How morbid! 

It actually started with her saying that we should just love people as much as we can while they are still alive.  I completely agree with that.  It made me think of the saying that one should life every day as though it’s your last.  I don’t agree with that.

If I had to live every day as though it’s my last:

I wouldn’t work.  I don’t want to spend my last day working.  Which would mean, we would be bums – no money, no home, no food.  Please donate.

My kids would be spoiled rotten.  I would not discipline them.  I would let them have whatever they want.

The would also not go to school, have no education – which is not an option.  Spending their day with me.  Doing whatever it is that we feel like. 

I would be completely obese.  I would eat as if there’s no tomorrow (which according to this saying there would not be). 

My house would look like a pigsty.  I would not be bothered to clean it up!

MMmm…my husband might even get some sex loving care!

So while I agree that one should love as if there is no tomorrow, one cannot live as if there is not.

What I don’t get

How is it that a TV can hypnotize a child so.

You all know that look.  They stare and you can see that they are not taking in anything but the TV.  You can tell them that they can have a whole slab of chocolate but they won’t hear.  They are in a zone and you are not a part of it.

Why is it that the road always longer on the way back from vacation?

How is it that it rains the day you wash your car?

Why do my kids always fall or hurt their faces just before we have our annual family photos taken?

Why do food taste better when it’s not you who made it?

My brother and sister-in-law says the the best meals are those you didn’t have to prepare yourself.  Gotta agree.

Why do my hips grow faster than my hair? 

Maybe if I stop feeding my hips the energy will be redirected to my hair and I’ll have my long hair back sooner.  Yes, I’m still not happy with my hair.

How did Quintus go from that tiny baby in my arms to the little boy who is going to “big” school in January?  I still see him as being three. 

How do men manage to sleep through a baby’s crying?

Not just that – the light going on.  Mom talking to their baby.  Giving their baby medication.

Why does a woman have to carry a baby for nine months and go through the pain of labour before she can be called Mom but a man gets to be a Father by default.

What’s the use of spam? 

Honestly!  Does anyone really read it?  If they can get it right to send spam with the subject of something I’m interested in, why do they send spam that offers to increase the size of my penis?

Let’s talk about sex baby

They advertised another slutty cheap men’s magazine last night.  Where as I don’t mind men’s magazines, I really don’t appreciate it when they are downright just about sex – and cheap sex at it.

There’s some people who believe that men think about sex every 7 seconds.  mmmm…no I don’t think that could even be remotely correct, however I do think that men think about sex several times a day.  Women on the other hand, on average don’t think near as much about sex as men do.

Why is that? 

  1. I believe because of the way girls and boys are raised.  Girls are taught to cover up their bodies (with reason!), not to engage in sexual acts unless they are married or in committed relationships.  Boys on the other hand, don’t get strict “rules” when it comes to sex.  As long as they wear a condom right?
  1. Advertising.  Women’s bodies get used to advertise everything from body lotion to cars.  Boys get taught that women are sexual beings right from a young age.  They learn to attach sexual thoughts to most things.
  1. Magazines – pretty much the same as advertising.  They use women to sell products.  Also you get way more “men’s” magazines.

Why not talk more about sex in magazines for women?  Proving that woman actually have sexual thoughts too.  Showing to woman that it’s okay to have those thoughts?

If I were a man, I would probably think about sex more often too.  They are raised to connect sex with most things in life.  Women were raised to feel self-conscious of their sexuality.  As little girls and teenagers, they have to look at ads “using” the women’s body to sell.  Of course they’ll get self-conscious at an age where they are trying to cope with their changing bodies.

That being said.  I’m raising my boys to respect themselves as well as the girl/woman.  I hope that I will teach them to only engage in sex within a committed relationship.  (I have even had this talk with my friend’s son)  I will explain to them the difference between how men and women perceive sex.

Society is the reason.  Also as my friend BondGirl pointed out in her comment of this post, it’s mostly the South African Society.  That and the fact that men don’t have much else to think about!  Us women are the ones who think about work, kids, school, supper, school activities, homework blah blah blah.

Men think about work, sex, golf, sex, sport, sex.

Sorry to the guys reading this entry today!  Maybe I should have waited to post on this when I had more sleep the night before.  I think I might have made more sense!

Tuesday thoughts

  • We took the boys to the new karate school yesterday.  Even though the Sensei seemed rather unfriendly, I liked the way he handled the class.  I liked the fact that I could see what they kids were doing.  That way I could help them at home too if I see they are battling with something.  It is also very convenient as the school is just a street away from our home.
  • Zander is cutting tooth number two.  Actually he has been for few days now.  I know some people are of the opinion that teething can’t hurt because it doesn’t hurt to get adult teeth.  Well…maybe I should take a photo of my son’s gums as it is right now.  It looks painful.  This of course means that we aren’t getting much sleep at the moment.  I feel extremely sleep deprived today.
  • I have a list of things that I feel one should have with you at all times:  Headache pills, flu meds, condoms, tampons, safety pins, plasters and your camera….okay…a bank card will help too.  When my friend Wenchy was here for the weekend, she needed something and I started packing out my “emergency kit” in my handbag.  She thought it extremely funny that moi – supermom (or the head girl as sometimes called by her and our friend Jax) – would actually carry condoms with me.  Even more that I’ll actually pack it out of the “kit” in the Wimpy lol
  • We got Quintus’s final school report yesterday.  Yeah to my little boy for passing Grade R.  Never thought that little kids like him had to pass anything before going into preschool.  However, the teacher wants us to take him to an education therapist because emotionally he takes things to seriously, which impacts on his work.  If he had a misunderstanding with his teacher (read – she had to reprimand him) then he will “close up” for the rest of the day and not be able to do most stuff.  Now if only I can find my cellphone (that I lose so often, I’m surprised I still have it) I could phone and make an appointment.
  • I might finally be able to use my domain  A fellow South African blogger – Lensqueen – actually found a group of people that does this….oi to be so web challenged. 

What I’ve learned this weekend

Some things I have learned this weekend.

  1. Too many Afrikaans speaking people together is just not a good idea.  We went to Aardklop (an Afrikaans art festival)  I love walking through the huge flea market.  Maybe one day I won’t be pregnant or be breastfeeding a baby (that makes it sound as if I have a lot of children!) and I’ll actually be able to see some of the shows.  Now that’s not what I have learned though.  Afrikaans people are known to be welcoming, good-hearted people.  Open.  In small dosages they (we) are just that.  But my word.  Put a crowd of them together, throw in some alcohol and you have the setting for a violence movie with people thinking the are superior just because of being them.  They sell t-shirts with some slogans that are really really funny.  Most of them are about being proudly Afrikaans.  Which is great in itself.  However, some have the very old South African flag on them.  Move on people!  I love our new flag.  Full of colour and hope.  The old flag divides us as a country.  Still not my point.  One very Afrikaans boer (*)  bought his son one of those shirts, that says 100 % boer.  He got his little son to push in a line, where Jason has been standing for ages.  Jason would get tired, then come stand by me (right next to the line)  Every time Jay would do that, he would push his son forward and the little boere boy would look at my with a face of victory.  I was feeling that this would end up with me getting very ticked off.  The boy would keep on asking his dad when it would be his turn and the dad would say he is next.  I would say no, my son is next.  You know that old story.  At one stage I said, I’m going to “moer ‘n boer” – slap the boer.  I got my much bigger husband to make sure that Jason did indeed go jumping when it was his turn.  Point being that too many Afrikaans speaking people together, makes the air feel as though it if filled with testosterone.  Pushing and all this “mine is bigger than yours” attitude.  By the time we left I had had enough.
  2. I will not cope with 6 children!  My dearest bestest friend, Wenchy was here for the weekend.  Her son, Kevin had been here for over a week.   Having him around was such a pleasure.  However, when we brought together all six the kids, it was a lot.  It felt like I was totally overwhelmed by the noise level lol  I take my hat of to moms who cope with six children on a daily basis.  Maybe you get used to it?
  3. I love my Wench a lot.  There is absolutely no pretends when we are together.  No need to look good, speak well or keep each other entertained.  We are like we would be, when in our ‘jamas at home on a lazy Sunday morning.
  4. Having your ex over at your house (who came with my brother and his wife) feels uncomfortable.  Even though it’s been 10 years.  It still feels weird.
  5. It is absolutely wonderful to have a sister-in-law who is more a friend than a SIL. I’m very lucky to have Maggie as my SIL.  Thanks Mike!!  you chose well.  (I wonder if my brother reads my blog?)

*  Boer – an Afrikaans speaking man, who mostly would be someone who lives on a farm.  However it can also be someone who lives in town but it will mostly be a small town.  They are very proud of their language and where they come from – their heritage)

I have uploaded some photos of the weekend on to my flicker account.  Just click on the photos in the sidebar. 


I took these photos of Zander last week and looking at them now, it got me thinking.  I can’t remember back when I was born (unlike other people who apparently remember when they were still in utero?)  However, as a mother, I’m sure that babies are born with a healthy sense of self.  A healthy self-image.  Yes, they do need encouragement from us.  They do need us to tell them just how wonderful they are.  That is however just to confirm their instinct – that they are indeed the wonderful person they believe to be.  Just look at them when they look at themselves in the mirror. 

They completely adore themselves.  They don’t need us to tell them how wonderful they are.  They don’t depend on it.  They just look at us to re-affirm this.

As we grow older though, we get hurt.  We are told we aren’t good enough.  Slowly breaking down that self-image we used to have.  Breaking down our believe in ourselves.  We look at ourselves in the mirror and we are way more judgemental.  We just don’t look at ourselves and feel content with what we see.  Physically and emotionally.  We don’t look at the mirror through our own eyes anymore.  We look through the eyes of the world. 

We see the flaws that they see.  More and more we lose that sense of self, needing more and more the confirmation from them.  Wanting and waiting for the world to tell us we are okay.  We are accepted.  We are beautiful inside and out.

This is what I want to do.  Start looking at myself through my own eyes.  Stop trying to live up to what is expected and just being me.  The person that I am meant to be.  The person that I can accept.

Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”