Super Mom

Tommie

Stressful week

This week has been hectic to say the least.

Tuesday Zander went in for his operation. Even though he was so unhappy about having to go, he is doing so well now. He has not complained about pain once. Taking it all as just one of those things. I am very proud of him.

Then however he got a rash. Didn’t bother me at first since it looked like an allergy. It got worse though and looked more and more like German Measles. Now that in itself is not a problem but my brother’s wife is pregnant and has seen Zander since he has had the rash. I would be devastated if she got German measles from him!! I can’t remember when last I stressed that much. Just the thought of what could go wrong. I took him to TWO doctors who both said it is an allergy. In the end my SIL also said that is immune to the virus. Oh my soul. That morning was horrible.
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That was also on the same day Tommie went in to hospital to have skin cancer removed. Thankfully that went well. He is sore but the doctor is happy that he got everything out.

I have had to catch up on a lot of things at work. I was also alone in the office, with my dad working in Louis Trichardt.

I have also been really sick and in a lot of pain thank to the meds I took for an allergy.

I am glad we survived this week…hectic.

Now I just need to do Christmas shopping……


We have something in common

I like to watch people.  a People watcher I am

When I sit at oncology every morning, I do the same.  I watch people.  I watch the interaction between the staff and all the patients.

I notice how every single person is friendly.  (Except for the b!tch at reception)

The staff is friendly because they want to create an environment where people feel more relaxed.  Where they try to turn something horrible into a situation that you can cope with.

The patients are all friendly as well.  Friendly with each other.  With the staff. 

The interesting thing is that it seems as though race and culture differences are left at the front door.  Black people and English are spoken to by Boere Afrikaans people as though they are their long lost family.  There is no “I got cancer thanks to apartheid”.  It cannot be blamed on someone else.  There is no looking down on another person.  It’s almost like one would like South Africa to be. Everyone treated equally.

Why would this be?  Because they all have cancer?  Maybe. I think that being vulnerable, being scared and unsure – that is what makes everyone equal. 

Fighting for and against the same thing.  That is what makes everyone equal.


1981

Picture this ….. it’s December 1981.  Little 11 year old boy, playing with his very first remote control car on the farm.  Plenty of space.  Just him and his little car.  Hours of fun.

Picture the same boy, now 42.  Still with that same remote control car.  However now, doing it with HIS 11 year old, 9 year old and 6 year old sons.

So awesome.  Firstly that the car is still in running condition and that he can share this with his sons.

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Head above water

I’m trying to keep my head above water, while looking positively in control while doing so.  This might seem as though it’s working but I think my constant headaches are trying to tell me a different story.

Best of all was when my husband (after a particularly tough week) decided that he needs a night out to relax.  He NEEDS it.

No sh!t Sherlock.  Like I’m NOT stressed?  Not battling to cope?

Why don’t *I* get a night out.  Hah…can you imagine!?  Me giving it a bit of that at a bar while HE looks after the kids! hahahha no…I think not.

Is it that difficult to relax at home?  With our friends?  Married friends?   Not the single type that goes to bars.

Ai….


Fathers and their special day

My kids are lucky to have more than one amazing male figure in their lives.  Men who love them in different ways.

Not just their dad (who better love his kids or I will make his life a misery)

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But also their Oupa.  My dad is more involved in their lives than most fathers are.  I’m hugely thankful for the role he plays.190620113426    They also have a godfather (peetpa klink baie beter) who is a constant in their lives.  I know he is one of those people that they can turn to and he will understand and protect and love and not judge.  He is that guy.

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Thank you for what you guys do for my children.  I know that one day, when they are old enough to appreciate the little things, they will know that you were a big part of that.

We love you very much.


Happy birthday Tommie!

Yesterday Tommie turned 41. FOURTY ONE.

That just sounds so old lol 

Blowing the candles on his “very big” cupcake Smile

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Starting on their impromptu gift for Tommie.

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The final product

Tommie 41 019 copy


Real job

My husband just ticked me off in a big way. He organized for my bakkie to go in for a service. Now while I do appreciate him making the appointment, I would have appreciated it if he just asked me if it suited me.

This is not why I’m upset though. He informed me that the bakkie must be at the garage by 7:30. I told him that it won’t be possible, since I drop the boys off at school.   I asked him (jokingly) if he won’t take the bakkie and he said that he can’t because he has a real job…..!!!!!

Seriously??!!!!! I asked him how he could say that and his reply was that I have an office job.

I have an office job.  Where I fit in 8 hours of work into less than that, so that I can also be a pretty good Mom to our children.  I earn …. no let’s not go there.

Point being, that there is nothing like “not a proper job” just because I’m sitting behind a desk!

URGH …. men


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Hunting and frogs

Just this morning, Zander came running into the office.  We had to save a frog that was being cornered by the dogs.  He was standing between the, keeping the dogs from the frog.  I helped him pick it up and we took it to another part of the garden.  My sweet soul.  So caring towards animals.  I feel so proud that I’m raising sons who care.

Then, later my thoughts turned to Tommie.  He has gone hunting with his dad this weekend.  Wow…how different.  Here’s someone who is going out of his way to kill.

I am SO against social hunting, it’s not even funny.  Tommie and I have an unwritten rule that he doesn’t even discuss what went on at the hunting farm.  I don’t want to know and I don’t care.

I don’t mind professional hunters (or not as much).  I know that at least they won’t hurt the animal first.  They won’t scare it.  They shoot and kill with one shot.  Social hunters … well, they drink.  They go hunting once a year.  I don’t think they are able to kill the animal, with only one shot without the animal suffering at all, every time they shoot.

Tommie does shoot well though.  So back in my mind I hope that he will not cause pain.

I hope my boys grow up to keep some of the love and caring personality they have now.


Trying to catch up with myself

I feel like I should be more relaxed but I’m not.  Just not yet.  I will be though.  I think Monday, when I realize things aren’t and doesn’t have to be that hectic, I will relax.  That is until I look at all the tasks on outlook and realize I scheduled too much for this week!

Quintus has survived his first week of tests.  I’m really proud.  He is studying hard and putting a lot of time and effort into it.  I’m trying not to push my expectations onto him.  I set a bench-mark for myself when I was a child and I’m careful not to do that with him.  I must say that when he got 84 % for maths, I did feel very proud.

Jason …. that child is way deeper than he gives away.  He scored full marks on his English test and studying seems to come effortlessly.  However,  I think many things bother him and he doesn’t talk about it.  That on the other hand doesn’t stop him from talking constantly about anything and everything.

Zander had an athletics day on Friday. He loved every second of it.  He is a very care-free happy little guy.  He has his moments of being upset if he is not the centre of attention but he is really a sweetie, that says I’m his bestest Mommy, especially when I bring him milo.

I’m truly blessed.  We have good friends, I don’t have any murderous negative thoughts towards Tommie, in fact we are at a really good place right now.  Our kids are healthy and mostly happy.

You know how you sometimes read about being so lucky because you have money in your pocket, an education and all of that.  Well it’s true.  We (I) worry too much.

Things tend to work out perfectly. 

Which brings me to Kyla.  I saw her last weekend.  She is staying at her Granny’s house now.  She seems very happy.  I speak to her regularly and sms her Granny often. 

Things tend to work out perfectly.


Should I, or not?

I have had it up to here (ha like you can see where) with my father-in-law.  I am sick and tired of how he treats my husband.  I think he forgets that Tommie was not born to be his slave. 

I’m sick of how he shouts at my husband.  In front of the kids as well.  What kind of respect can they have for their father is this is the way he treats their dad?  He shouts at my husband in front of me.  I have had it.  Can you imagine how he treats him when we are not around?

My husband is a person for heaven’s sake.  Tommie is his SON!  Is he not proud of him?  Can he not show love?  Can he not appreciate the son he has?

Do I have the right to talk to my father-in-law about this?  I think I must.  I have kept my mouth shut long enough now.  His behaviour towards my husband is unacceptable and it influences our relationship.  It influences Tommie’s relationship with the boys.

I have had enough of Tommie getting home in a bad bad place because of his father!  His very own father.

Now, I just don’t know if it’s fair towards Tommie to take this up with his father.

I just know that the next time I witness that kind of behaviour, I will not be able to keep my mouth shut.  Maybe talking before I’m upset as well, will be better for all involved.


Expecting the impossible

Someone just sent me an e-mail and it was a ‘wow moment’ when I read that.  Who knows why, since it is darn obvious but still…it took a single e-mail.

I expect very little from my husband.  I’m willing to give a lot and not expect much in return.  Not that he doesn’t give in return but I don’t expect him to.

I expect much from the father of my children though.  I expect him to be the kind of parent I am.  I expect him to be the kind of father my dad is.  I expect so much of him but I don’t tell him what my expectations are.  I don’t give him the tools.  I just have these unwritten expectations.

Oh I know how to tell him when I’m not happy with how he has reacted but does that really help?  That is after the fact.  When it has been said and done. 

Women grow up with dolls in their arms.  We read pregnancy and baby books before we even fall pregnant.  We have a better chance at being a good parent, since we prepare for it.  Long before we consciously know we are doing so.

Men don’t.  They don’t ever prepare for being a father.  It just happens.  And then they don’t know what to do.  No father magazine (not sure if they wouldn’t read it though!)

I must make a point of telling what I need for him to do.  What I think our children need from him. 

Maybe if he knew what to do, he would.


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Oh. my. word.

R6 100

Fuck.

I just went to the Post Office and opened fines to the value of R4 150.

Last week I got fines to the value of R1 950.

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Not ONE is mine.  None.

All on my car though.  Driven by my husband.

I feel physically ill.

I don’t know how we are going to pay that.  Even if we manage to get them reduced, it will be a huge amount to pay.

😦

I didn’t even scream get upset.

What’s the point….


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Just think about ME sometimes

I know that it is partly my fault.  I know that I think of others more than myself.  That’s true.  It’s like Dr. Phil says – I teach people to treat me this way.

Just for once I wish he would have thought of ME and plans I made.  I had been looking forward SO much for Wenchy to come visit.  She lives 167 km from here, so it’s not like she can just pop over for coffee and cake.  We have to plan it proper because we always need to bring the whole family and our many many many children with if we visit.

He obviously knew about my plans.  I had discussed this with him earlier this week.  Yesterday afternoon, he decides to rather go play golf today.  Since Wenchy’s Dion, won’t come if Tommie isn’t here (which I completely understand), we will no longer be seeing each other.

I’m very sad about this but Tommie doesn’t get why this is an issue.

It doesn’t help much that the entire birthday party was on my shoulders.  Yes, I do normally organize everything.   I always make the things by myself.  Yesterday though, he wouldn’t even help me carry stuff.  All he did was sit and visit with his friends. 

I wish that he would just think of ME sometimes.


Build the country

Stay in South Africa and help build the country, they say.

What if they don’t want us to help build the country?

Tommie has a contract where he uses his machinery to rebuild roads, make soccer fields, clear up the dumping grounds or open up areas for the water department to fix water pipes….  Stuff like that.  Stuff that makes our lives as citizens run more smoothly.  He has a contract with our local government who often doesn’t pay on time.

As it may be when you operate big machinery, you can’t take them back to your yard at night.  During the week they mostly stay wherever you are busy working.  Normally this is on municipal grounds with security.

In the past week they have stolen every pipe they could see, the caps of diesel tanks….anything that could be stolen.  Last night they tried to take the radiator off and then since they could not, they just broke it.  They took screwdrivers and punched holes everywhere.

You cannot help build a country if the people of the country doesn’t want it to be.


Thank goodness he was driving

The oncoming car flashed his lights.  We went off the road at 140 km / hour.

And it happened faster than you read that.

We were on our way home from Wenchy today.  We were there to celebrate her Liam’s birthday.  As it was, the trip down there didn’t go too well.  Zander cried for at least 40 minutes straight.  Tommie was getting frustrated and I got tearful.  I can only handle “Mommy help me”, so many times.  (He wanted to sit on my lap)

On our way home, the kids were in a good mood.  Zander and Kyla fell asleep after about 30 minutes.  The other two were making jokes … having fun.

About 20 km out of Potchefstroom a driver from the oncoming traffic overtook a whole line of other cars.  He wasn’t fast enough to pass all of them before seeing us come around the turn. 

We were close enough to see the people in the car.  The flashing lights as he tried to warn us.  The smoke coming from his tyres as he slammed on brakes.  I grabbed Tommie’s leg.  A warning, just in case he didn’t see.

As he left the road, I noticed we were going 140 km / hour.  As we went off the road it looked as though the oncoming car was going to as well.  I was certain the car was going to roll.  There was no way we could go off at that speed and just keep going.

We did though.  Tommie kept calm, didn’t break.  Just went off and calmly went back on again.  I looked in the mirror and saw the car behind us do the same.  The car behind that one seemed to have lost control.

That because someone couldn’t just wait 5 km before it would be a double road again.  Because he was willing to chance the lives of complete strangers.

I’m thankful we have a car with traction control.  That we just put on new tyres last week.

I am so thankful Tommie was driving.  I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to handle the car the way he did. 


Interviews

IMG_5308 (Small)                                                           Jason (6)

  1. What is something mom always says to you?  That she loves me
  2. What makes mom happy? When we are well behaved
  3. What makes mom sad? When we are naughty
  4. How does your mom make you laugh?  When she is funny
  5. What did your mom like to do as a child? I don’t know, I wasn’t born then….to work on a laptop?
  6. How old is your mom? 34
  7. How tall is your mom? 28 cm
  8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? Oprah
  9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Don’t know
  10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Being the prettiest woman
  11. What is your mom really good at? Giving us kisses and hugs.
  12. What is your mom not very good at? Getting us in bed
  13. What does your mom do for her job? Her businesses’ name is Archer Tax Services but I don’t know what she does there
  14. What is your mom’s favorite food? Macaroni and cheese
  15. What makes you proud of your mom? When she lets me colour in late at night
  16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Hannah Montana
  17. What do you and your mom do together? Make food
  18. How are you and your mom the same? We like making food
  19. How are you and your mom different? She is older and a girl
  20. How do you know your mom loves you? She gives me kisses
  21. What does your mom like most about your dad? That he loves her
  22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? To the sea

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                                           Quintus (8)

  1. 1. What is something mom always says to you?  “I love you “
  2. What makes mom happy? When I am well behaved and listen to her
  3. What makes mom sad? When we are not with her
  4. How does your mom make you laugh?  Many things…when she tells me a joke when I get hurt
  5. What did your mom like to do as a child? She loved Heidi
  6. How old is your mom? 34
  7. How tall is your mom? “Who has a ruler?”
  8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? 7de Laan
  9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? She is sad that we are not with her
  10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? If her back didn’t get hurt she would be a famous long distance athlete
  11. What is your mom really good at? Making us happy
  12. What is your mom not very good at? Using her one arm *lots of laughter as I type their answers with my left hand*
  13. What does your mom do for her job? Her job is to calculate tax
  14. What is your mom’s favorite food? Pancakes
  15. What makes you proud of your mom? That she is a very good mom
  16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Kim Possible
  17. What do you and your mom do together?   Watch rugby
  18. How are you and your mom the same? We love sport.  Any type of sport.
  19. How are you and your mom different? I’m faster  🙂
  20. How do you know your mom loves you? I can feel it.  She says so.  She hugs and kisses me
  21. What does your mom like most about your dad?  His feelings
  22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? Anywhere away from home

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                    Tommie (Husband for the past 10 years)

  1. What is something I always say to you?  Relax
  2. What makes me happy?   Your dad
  3. What makes me sad?  I don’t know…you are not the crying type.  You are sad when I give the kids a hiding
  4. How do I make you laugh?  You make funny remarks
  5. What did I like to do as a child? Wear your Heidi dress and ride BMX bikes
  6. What is my favorite thing to watch on TV? Extreme Home Make-over, Super Nanny, Grey’s Anatomy
  7. What do I do when you’re not around? How must I know!?
  8. If  I become famous, what will it be for?  No, I don’t know
  9. What am I really good at? Accounting, working on a laptop
  10. What am I not very good at? Washing the car
  11. What is my favorite food? Macaroni and cheese
  12. What makes you proud of me? You work very hard .  At your work and with your kids
  13. What do you and I do together? Ride
  14. How are you and I the same? We love driving to places
  15. How are you and I different? “Hemelsbreed”  Like day and night
  16. How do you know I love you? I would never know.  That’s top secret
  17. Where is my favorite place to go? Hartbeespoort dam

He IS a nice guy

Why do I stay with him?  Well there are many reasons.

  • He wakes me with coffee.  Every morning. Gotta love that!
  • He runs my bath.  Every morning.
  • He packs the boys’ school lunch boxes.
  • He is a very good friend.
  • He is willing to drive 4 hours (there and back) for me to visit my best friend.
  • He picks up medication when the kids are sick.  I hardly ever see the inside of our pharmacy.
  • He fills up my car for me.
  • He watches chick-flicks with me.
  • He drives to another town with me to have coffee there, since I like that particular coffee the most.
  • He has forgiven me things that most other men would not.
  • He has changed in big ways, for me and the kids.
  • He is a good host.  Always thinking of everyone to make sure there will be something they like.
  • He doesn’t mind my computer / cellphone  addiction even though he doesn’t get it at all. So much so that he’ll give ME his upgrades.
  • He is the type of person to allow another child into our home.
  • He is the father of my many children.

So yes, there are so many reasons I should leave.  Many reasons why he ticks me off (especially when it comes to the kids) but he IS a nice guy.


The end

Finally the tax season is done.  Finished.  Klaar.  No more working late at night.  No more working all weekend long.  It’s finished.

I thought that tonight we would celebrate.  Be happy as a family, since I know that they have been ‘missing’ me, even though I mostly worked at home.

However my husband had other plans.  I asked him to pick up the boys after work, since I knew I’d be working late.  He did not.  He chose to drink with his friends.  Chose not to spend tonight with us.

I’m hurt.  I’m upset.  I feel completely unloved.  I feel as though he has no idea what I have been through and what I need.  Just a little “I noticed you’ve been working hard” would be fine.


When did you get home?

When did you get home, he asked when I walked towards our bathroom to run Zander a bath.

WTF!?  I know he was being sarcastic but this week is not a good week for sarcasm.

I asked so nicely for help this week.  To please help with the kids, so that I can concentrate on getting my work done on time without killing someone. 

Did he do the drop-off of the kids….no.  Did he pick them up…no.  Did he do the rugby run around … no.  Did he do homework? … no.  Did he sit with ALL 4 the kids in the study until the bedtime?…no.

So when did *I* get home?  You probably missed us when you fell down in front of the TV to watch rugby and then moved on to the bed to read a magazine.

You did make hotdogs after I forced you, so thank you for that.


Too much on my mind

Thankfully he was in my office yesterday, at the right time.  Just as his mom phoned him to say that he could pick up the cakes.

It took  me a question fraction too long to realize that the cakes were for his birthday!

I so almost forgot his birthday.  SO almost.  Oh. my. word.  If it weren’t for that call, I would never have remembered.  It just goes to show how busy I really am.

Now though he thinks I’m the super-cute wife, who bought him a cell phone for his birthday. 

Happy birthday Sweetie.  Enjoy your last year of being in the thirties!!


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