Thursday jokes

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. 

Seconds after going into the laundry, he shouted, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?’

 ‘It depends,’ I replied.  ‘What does it say on your shirt?’

 He yelled back, ‘ University of Oklahoma .’

 (And they say blondes are dumb.)

 

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A couple are lying in bed.

The man says, ‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.’

 The woman replies, ‘I’ll miss you…’

 

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‘It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,’ Jack says as he came out of the shower.

‘Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?’

 ‘Probably that I married you for your money,’ she replied.

 

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Q:  What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

 

A:  A rumour

 

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Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him; and Patience to cope with his moods;

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.

 

AMEN.

 

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Q:  Why do little boys whine?
 
A:  They are practicing to be men. 
 

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Q:  What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
 
A:  You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
 

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Q:  How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
 
A:  Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual.’
 

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Evolution of the woman

 

Evolution of the man

Just joking guys.  We still love you 😉