Snap and run
My husband is 38. Yet he still follow orders from his parents like he is 8.
Remember when we were kids? “Please go fetch us this” “Take the dog out for a walk” “Pick up your toys”. Our parents ordered asked us to do many things. As children we listened and did what was asked of us. This is the way it works.
Then as we get older, grow up, become adults and get married, this changes. We have our own lives. Our own many orders that we need to follow from your wife due to our lives in general. Our parents don’t expect us to follow orders anymore. They will ask but not order. The balance changes and this is a good thing. We need to take care of our family’s needs. Mostly we will do what our parents ask anyway but now we have to take into account our own family and our own needs as well.
Or that is how I see it.
In Tommie’s situation, this hasn’t changed. He is still 8. They still order. They snap their fingers and regardless of our needs, he will jump for them. I know he means well. I don’t doubt that. However he is a grown man and choose to get married and have children. Now we should be his priority.
Yesterday we had to rush home from the wedding. I was feeling horrible. I got the boys’ stomach virus and really needed his help. I needed him home to help with our three boys. I needed him home for some TLC for my own self. However, he had told his parents he would take their caravan for them. 200 km from our home. He had to sleep over there last night, leaving me alone with the boys all this time. My father-in-law is coming through to town on Tuesday, he could pick up the caravan then. Tommie could have taken the caravan today, when I probably would have felt better.
Again he chose to ignore my our needs.
Super Mom .... or not 
Im sori this happened to you
and I pray you feel better soon
“Our parents don’t expect us to follow orders anymore” they shouldnt but some do
my parents did and it wasnt until I left the city where we all lived that i was able to claim my own life
they would be very angry if I tried to do my own thing before that
I dont have anything to do with them now and neither does my sister
they were over protective and judgmental
they have lost out in the long run
June 22, 2008 at 8:56 am
That is very simply ridiculous! I hope you are feeling better.
June 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I am so sorry. My H doesn’t run to do his parents’ bidding but he also doesn’t really do it for his own family either.
I was looking through your Flickr photos of Jax’s gorgeous wedding -the gown, the bride, the flowers, the groom! 🙂 But, clearly I have missed something over the past year or so since her blog went password protected. Her life is in quite a bit different place, no? Looks like she is brilliantly happy which is wonderful. Good for her and her boys.
June 22, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Sorry to hear that Mel. That shouldn’t have even been up for discussion. Hope you are feeling better soon.
June 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm
That sucks big time. I can imagine my hubby doing the same thing, unless I specifically asked him not to. He’s like that, thinks that if I don’t say anything I’m okay. He has much to learn, lol! (But so do I, I really need to communicate my needs better).
Hope you are feeling much better.
June 23, 2008 at 12:25 am
I have just recently (at age 31) began being able to tell my mom “No” or “Can it wait until tomorrow?” She is very understanding and respectful of my time off (from my TWO jobs) and also of my needs. I never thought to tell her no before, but since I have started I see that my mom can do a lot more without me than she used to let on. Mostly I think they were all just excuses to get to see me, which I understand. I am her only child here, the rest of her children live 700 miles away.
My boyfriend is the same way as your husband with his parents though, I think men are fixers by nature and if they are needed by someone, their parents, anyone they feel they need to jump right in and help. Since we are not married I feel like it’s not my place to interfere, but what if we do get married someday? Will he still do that? Will he understand that I expect him to put us first? It’s unfortunate that your husband put his parents before you. I feel the same way about when a man marries a woman she (and any children they have) should be their #1 priority. Does that make us old fashioned? I don’t think so, but others would say yes. Go figure.
I hope you are feeling much better.
HUGS from NY~!
June 23, 2008 at 4:41 am
We are going through this with my husband’s family but it’s the opposite. Charles refuses to do as they big and he is making stand so I am very proud of him. My husband is enduring his family being mean, rude, and even ignoring the grandkids. My husband saw how sad I got around them and so he said “enough is enough. Until they start treating you better, we’re not gonna hang around them”. That’s why the bible says when the husband gets married he is to leave his parents and cleave unto his wife. The parents seriously need to respect your home and marriage. I’m so sorry you are sick alone and having to care for boys. That is so tough!
June 23, 2008 at 6:49 am
Oops. ha ha. Typo there. I meant to say “Charles refuses to do as they bid”….
June 23, 2008 at 6:51 am
Wow…what a tough day/night for you…and unfortunately, it sends a very bad message to the boys. I have often battled with my husband’s priorities (the kids and I always are the patient ones…)and now it’s to the point of having almost no expectations of him. It’s sad but I don’t want to fight or be let down again and again…
June 23, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Ag! Sorry to hear about you bug! I hope u feeling better. Men tend to act like this when mommy or daddy call …its hard and I am going thru the same thing. What gets me through it is to talk to him about it …when I am in a sane mind cos such situations really get the better of one …Esspecially when they are needed the most.
June 23, 2008 at 3:09 pm
aw mel… i wish i had some words of wisdom for you!
June 23, 2008 at 9:49 pm