I thought I’d lost you
Zander, for a moment, minutes
an eternity I thought I’d lost you. That I would never see you alive again.
For minutes your brothers and I searched for you. Grown men were out looking for you. Surfers looking for you.
I was frantic. I couldn’t see you. I couldn’t see your surf board. I couldn’t see your blue shirt and black pants. I couldn’t see you my little boy. Mommy thought you had drowned. I can’t even say that. Typing it feels wrong.
I had seen you less than a minute before. I was certain you were with your brothers, like you were all the time. When Jason walked up to me to say you are missing, I thought he was joking….yet I knew he would ‘t joke about something like that.
I ran into the sea. Not worrying to check my pockets for valuables since my most valuable was in the water. And I couldn’t see you. Your brothers couldn’t see you. We thought that you were under the water. Fighting for your life. Or pulled into the sea, fighting to swim out.
I was frantic. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t calm my heart. I couldn’t hide my fear.
The lifeguards were off duty. The beach was almost deserted. How could I not see you?
Relieve ….. a mom came up to me and said that she had taken a little boy in black pants to his dad. He got stung by a bluebottle.
I ran up, not wanting to waste any time. What if it’s not you? What if you are still in the water. Yet there you were. My little boy. Crying. In pain. But there to cry. I was so thankful. So so thankful.
I ran down to let your brothers know you were save. I barely thanked the people helping us look for you because I wanted to hold you in my arms.
I love you.
Please don’t do that to me again.