Just so sad

Yesterday I was working a bit later than normal, when I got a phone call from Tommie.

“Where are you?”

“Still at work but I’m leaving now”

“I don’t think you should come home.  I drove over Benji”

I couldn’t breath….”Is he dead”

“Yes”

I just threw the phone down, told my parents who heard me over the phone and drove home.  I was home in what felt like seconds.  I found Tommie standing by Benji.  Crying.  I made sure he was dead…not just badly injured.  But he was…he was dead.

I stood by him and just cried until my legs could hold me no more.  I sat there and cried until I knew that we had to bury him.  Tommie was frozen.  I could see that he didn’t know what to do.  I think he was completely unsure of how I would react.  Would I blame him?  Scream at him?  I could not.  I walked inside and just cried.  Hugged a pillow and cried.

I’m sorry I didn’t come home sooner.  He wouldn’t have run out.  I’m just so very very sad.

I took this photo of him only 2 weeks ago.

I’m going to miss him so very much.  We only got him less than a year ago.  Such a very very short time.  I want him back.  I want yesterday back. . . .