Right thing?
Tonight I’m feeling a tad depressed, sad. Unsure if what I’m doing is right.
Since becoming a Mom, I have only had my kids best interest at heart. My every decision was to make sure it was to the benefit of my kids. I always want my children to feel loved, validated and happy.
I try to raise my boys to always respect others. The rule in our house is, that if it doesn’t make another person happy, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
Then I brought Kyla into their our lives. After her coming to our house for a few weekends, her mom asked if we could take her every weekend and some nights. I discussed this with the boys and with Tommie and we all decided that, yes it wouldn’t always be easy but we are willing to do so.
Some weekends have been better than others but mostly it has been okay. Since the holidays started, it’s been really tough though. She is with us every day and it is beginning to work on everyone’s nerves.
The boys aren’t getting any ‘brother’ time. They aren’t getting to just relax and chill.
Kyla is acting up and is totally draining me. It seems like a constant battle to keep the boys happy and her to behave well.
Am I doing the right thing? Is it just worse because it’ school holidays and she is with us all the time?
I feel like I’m letting the boys down. I hate feeling like that. I feel like a bad Mom for expecting them to share their time with her. I’m not used to this ‘bad Mom’ feeling to be honest.
I tried to find a crèche’ for her for the school holidays but I tried too late and couldn’t get her into one that I think is proper. I will definitely book ahead for the next holiday.
I can’t just show her the way and wish her good luck as she walks away. I’m not that person.
I don’t want to be a bad Mom either.
Super Mom .... or not 
That is a very difficult situation Mel although I don’t think calling yourself a “bad mom” or thinking those thoughts is very appropriate. Maybe you should scale down a bit on the amount of time she spends with you. (this is probably not so easy) I know you mean well but see what you can arrange as you don’t want the boys to resent having her around as time goes by. Still what you have done is amazing and I am sure you have indeed made a difference in her life although bad behaviour (no matter who it comes from) should not be tolerated at all and she needs to know this. Take care and look after yourself as well.
Gen
April 12, 2009 at 4:54 am
You are modeling compassion and love to your boys; a gift that is AMAZING!! You are totally not being a bad mom. Take it easy on yourself. Maybe having her spend time alone, though still with your family would be allow the boys their brother time, while still supporting Kyla and her mom? Just a thought.
April 12, 2009 at 5:08 am
Hard one this Melany I have also thought about it as I can see how the boys re-act .. I think it is just because it was holiday and they didn’t get to spend much time alone with you. Having her in a playgoup or crèche’ for next holiday sounds like a good idea too.
What we also can do is maybe let her stay behind with us more so you can have more time with the boys ?
You are a great Mom and this isn’t a easy decision at all
xxx
April 12, 2009 at 8:10 pm
i guess, what’s hard about all these is the fact that you wanted so much to be nice to her and yet it costs (sadly, on the part of your boys). never ever think that you’re a bad mom. you’ve always been showing and giving them your best. you’ve always done things with your heart.
April 12, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Mel darling… you took on a HUGE HUGE responsibility, and no one would blame you if you wanted to relax it a little for the sake of your family.
Its an emotionally draining task to take on someone else’s child like you did, you truly are a Supermom!
Your family must come first, sweet Mel.
April 12, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I’m trying to figure out who the little girl is that you are speaking of. Is she a friend? A relative? I know how you feel. I took in a whole family! LOL. A mom and her kids. Now the house is just flat out wild. I finally decided that if they are to stay with us they have to also help out with the family chores. It was a fight to get the other kids to do it, but now they are getting used to it. It’s important for her to pitch in (I always say 3 years and up can help in some way), otherwise, it’s too much for you. 🙂 Hope you are doing well. I understand how you feel right now.
April 13, 2009 at 7:05 am
The moments may be crappy, but you are doing something wonderful for someone else, and into the bargain, teaching your own children values they won’t get now, but will appreciate later.
You aren’t a bad mom, just feeling the pressure. Keep going, but don’t forget to ask for help if you can’t cope…
April 13, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Mel , i must agree with Angel, you truly are one of the wonderful people on this planet, and a spectacular mother, but you also have to remember whose mother you are, this little girl does have a mom, and it is Ok for you to spend some time with your Boys, sometimes people find it easier to let other people do the job, as in letting you look after Kyla, because it is easier for her, does she not realise the pressure it is putting on you and your family? Where did the child go before you came along? and does she not also have another child, if so where does this child go. Melany you are a strong and good hearted woman dont let your own family suffer to much, i wish i was closer to help you out sometimes…
April 13, 2009 at 9:45 pm
You are NOT a bad mother.
April 14, 2009 at 11:55 am
Hey Mel
You are a SUPERMOM !!! What you are doing for Kyla is truly amazing but hectically trying on your boys. At the end of the day your boys will have learned so much out of this experience no matter which way she choose. Wishing you God’s grace.
Rav
April 14, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I can’t help thinking that Kyla’s mom is taking advantage of your good nature and generosity. I think maybe cut down on some of the weekends so that you still get quality time with your boys- that way you are not putting her out and maybe the weekends that she is there will be better because she’s not with you so much?
I don’t know but I really take my hat off to you.
April 14, 2009 at 1:29 pm
You are a fabulous mom and that’s the reason you have conflicting emotions right now. Those for your boys and those for Kyla. You want to do the right thing by BOTH of them and that is not always possible.
I always live by “put your family first”. I do think though that once school starts again things will settle down. It may well be a case of cabin fever.
((hugs)). I hope you can find a solution that is best for everyone.
April 14, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Perhaps it was just TOO much with the hols and all! You sound like a truly dedicated mom and compassionate person. Maybe you should sit with the boys and ask them how they can all help to make the situation better.
You are an inspiration!
April 17, 2009 at 8:02 pm
I’ve taken in one woman, one man and a baby ( all at seperate times!) and I know it can be harsh. I know you cherish the times with the boys, but how about you ask your mom to watch them, let them do boy stuff together and you and Kayla go out together – perhaps with her mom’s permission you can take her to a salon or something and she can have a pretty haircut and you can have a manicure! I’m doubt her mom would be in a position to do mommy/daughter stuff? Just be careful, I had a little girl who once said she wished I was her mommy – in front of her mother! I felt soooooo bad.
April 20, 2009 at 9:21 am